HiLife2B

July 28, 2010

How to Be Your Best Self – 101 Maxims: Free E-Book

I’ve been blogging for over a year, and it’s about time that I finally shipped a product.

HBYBS is that product. This is my first step.

I created this e-book in order to give regular readers and newcomers alike a gist of what I advocate here on the blog. Feel free to share this short, 21-page tome with your family and friends. This is my gift to you.

What’s this e-book about?

These are 101 maxims on how to be your best self and reach your full potential in a society that forces you to conform. This e-book reminds you that you don’t have to be a worker bee. You have the power to be whoever you want—all it takes is a little motivation.

This book is not for people who refuse to change who they are. It’s not for people who accept the “American Dream” as one of material abundance and corporate ladder climberism. I don’t recommend this e-book for people can’t believe in the impossible.

Download the free e-book, How to Be Your Best Self.

I hope you enjoy it. Your support over the past year is what’s made starting this movement worthwhile. Don’t hesitate to comment below, on Twitter, or by e-mail if you have suggestions/thoughts about the e-book.

I love hearing your opinions.

Special thanks to Chris O’Byrne for the superb editing job. I owe you one.

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36 comments

July 26, 2010

16 First Steps to Creating the Life You Want From Some of the World’s Best Bloggers

Editor’s note: More bloggers have joined the fray. Over 16 amazing first steps! Get ready.

I know I’m not alone when I say that upon hearing successful people say, “Do what you love and the money will follow,” the cliche alert goes off in my head. There’s no question we’ve all thought about taking a leap of faith across the chasm of impossibility to see if those timeless words were true. Who hasn’t daydreamed of a life constantly filled to the brim with joy, where work feels like play and the sinking feeling you get right before Monday morning never comes? Unfortunately, most of us have also never tried to take that leap of faith.

Is it the crippling hesitation that corrupts our “go anywhere, do anything” mindset or is it just our feelings of self doubt that stifle us? While these are both true to a lesser extent, they are secondary to a much bigger problem; the problem of not knowing what to do first.

Most people don’t know where to start when they try create a life their own. From this lack of direction, comes doubt. And from this doubt, hesitation. As a result, our hesitation leads to inaction—this is where we get stuck.

To begin doing what we love, and making a living while we do it, we have to have a direction. There needs to be a first step in place before we can move on. This first step will be the most important one that you ever take.

Understanding that this step requires more than just my own assessment, I contacted some of the most successful bloggers in the world to share what they know. From all walks of life, regular people like you and me, they’ve gone through their own journeys in order to live lives their own.

So I asked each of them to answer one simple question:

“What is the first step you should take when trying to make a living doing what you love?”

These are their answers.

Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth

“Create an inspiration council. Who do you know – famous, dead, alive, near to you – that’s rocking their vocation? Pretend those liberated heroes are your personal advisory board and imagine what they’d tell you to do every step of the way. Only take their advice (albeit imaginary) when it makes you feel expanded and tenacious.”

Everett Bogue of Far Beyond the Stars

“Reduce your overhead. When you’re trying to strike out on your own, it’s easy to forget that you won’t be making as much as you did at your day job. If you keep spending like you did before you left, you’re liable to fail quicker by running out of money. If you only need $3,000 to last three months you’re a lot more likely to succeed than if you need $17,000 to last three months. Low overhead allows you take bigger risks and increase your chances of success.”

Charlie Gilkey of Productive Flourishing

“The biggest challenge with making the first step in getting paid to do what you love is finding that intersection between what you love and what people will pay you to do in the first place. If you focus too much on what you love and disregard what people will pay you to do, then you won’t be able to put food on the table. If you focus too much on what people will pay you to do, then you’ll make money but you’ll be no happier for doing it.

My recommendation is to find something you enjoy that people are already getting value from and see what you can do to make that solution, service, or product available to more people. And remember: one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.”

Tammy Strobel of Rowdy Kittens

“It comes down to believing in yourself and pushing past fear. If you believe you can do something, passion and focus will follow. I think fear gets the best of so many people. We listen to the lizard brain instead of growing and embracing new opportunities.”

Jonathan Fields of Awake at the Wheel

“First, figure out the activities, people, culture, settings and missions that make you come alive, without reference to whether they can generate money by conventional means. Then, if there’s a conventional path to monetization explore that. If not, look to find gaps in information, community, service, product, mode of delivery and more that can be exploited to create commercial opportunities in a less conventional way.”

Chris Guillebeau of the Art of Non-Conformity

“The first step is to get clear about what you can offer the world. Everyone has something to give, yes — but the trick is to figure out what your unique contribution is, and how that translates into a marketable skill. If you spend time on that at first, the next steps will be much easier.”

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits

“Assuming you’ve already figured out what you love, the first thing you should do is … do what you love. Do it for free, in your spare time, and have a blast doing it. Connect with others interested in the same thing, feed off their energy. Eventually you’ll be able to make a living doing it, but for now, just do it.”

Steven Aitchison of Change Your Thoughts

“When making the decision to do what I love I had to ask a tough question: Do I go for the money or do I go for what I really want to do in life and be proud of my work? I went for the latter and took a 30% pay cut to do something that I love doing and that’s coaching clients who have addiction issues. That work also transfers very well into the web and I love coaching clients from around the world. What better way of making a living could you ask for? Going for the money is great but if you go for the happiness instead you’ll reap the rewards in heart and also financially. I’ve found that people are attracted to others who love what they do, no matter what field you are in, so you will open up a lot more doors doing what you love and you’ll find a lot more closed doors when you go for the money.”

Dragos Roua of Brilliantly Better

“Short version: Break up with the past.

Long version: Break up with things that are holding you back. It may be your job, your current relationship, or it may be just a belief you don’t know you have it. You gotta let this go.

If you want to make a living doing what you love, it means at the current moment you’re not doing what you love. So, you gotta break up first with what you’re doing now. Make room for what you love.

It’s much easier than you think, once you summon the courage to actually lose something in the process: namely, the old you. It’s in the human nature to associate lost of something with regrets (by the way, I try to break up with human nature in this regard, regrets are a waste of time for me). But even if you will regret some things at the beginning, things will eventually unfold in the right direction.

And the new you will be much more fun.”

Scott H. Young of Scott H Young.com

“My first step: Get out there and do something. Look for a first client, create a first product, put your skills into the market. Too many people waste years of life guessing what the world needs instead of having the humility to ask.”

Colin Wright of Exile Lifestyle

“The first step is figuring out WHAT you love. It’s amazing how many people pursue the dream they’re handed by society, when in reality that dream isn’t a good fit for them personally. Identify what you love, figure out what the first step is to get there, and take it. Right now.”

Glen Allsopp of ViperChill

“Sign a contract with yourself that states you will not stop going until you’ve achieved some level of success. Also agree that you won’t chop and change between projects until you’ve achieved something with the first. I lost years because I was always testing things others told me worked rather than sticking to one thing and finding out for myself.”

Shrinivas Rao of Skool of Life, BlogcastFM

“Find what you absolutely love to do. It has to be the thing that gets you up in the morning and looking forward to every single day. For me, that’s riding waves. Build the business around that.”

Luciano Passuello of Litemind

“Provided that you already know which passion to pursue (not a trivial thing), a good first step is to get in touch with people who already “made it” — those that are already living the reality you want for yourself. If they’re really passionate about they do, they’ll not only be glad to help, but will also show you reality as it is (with the *real* challenges and rewards, not what our brains usually fantasize about it).”

Pat Flynn of Smart Passive Income

“The first step is to create goals for yourself. Not just one ultimate goal, but smaller, tangible goals that will help you reach that final goal of doing what you love to do. Don’t be afraid of deadlines, dates and numbers to help you take action and get to where you want to go.”

Tim Brownson of A Daring Adventure

“The most important first step in my opinion comes just before that. It is to truly know at your deepest level that it is what you love to do and not what other people such as you parents love you to do or what you think you should love to do. If you had $10m in the bank and no need of money whatsoever, would you still do whatever it is every day? If not, then how much do you really love it?”

Celestine Chua of the Personal Excellence Blog

“I’d make sure money is not an issue first, then pursue what I love. When pursuing your passion, there will undoubtedly be an initial phase where you’re picking skills, figuring things out, and that’s when money will be slow. If you have money concerns hanging at the back of your mind, that will affect your dedication to your work, which is not what you want.

When I quit my job in Sep ’08, I was financially good to last for another year. Hence, I didn’t need to worry about money at all (in the beginning) and could get down to dedicating myself fully to my work, without having to worry about whether it’d generate money. In the end, it turned out that I started generating income in the 4th month, and from there it evolved into a sustainable full-time career. I’ve never look back since. Today it’s been almost 2 years, and I’m earning more than my pay back in my corporate job.”

Corbett Barr of Free Pursuits, Think Traffic

“The first step I would take would be to get away. Get away from your job, your town, your friends and anything else that influences how you think about the world. Get away and really listen to yourself. Contemplate if what you “love to do” is really where your passion lies, and if it is really something you want to earn a living from. By unplugging from your normal life for a day or a week or even months (that’s what I did), you’ll be able to listen to yourself in ways that your “normal life” stifles.”

Matt Cheuvront of Life Without Pants

“The first thing I always tell ‘wannabe’ entrepreneurs is that you MUST first figure out what you NEED – not what you want, but what you need. We inherently tell ourselves that we need more than we actually need – needs and wants get intertwined, and when they do, it can seem overwhelming and impossible to survive on your own. But, when you figure out what you need, you’ll most likely come to find you CAN survive and get by with a lot less than you believed. Figure out what you need, then go get what you want.”

Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist

“Discover your strengths and play into them. Do you love to write, speak, create, teach, plan, network, invent, problem-solve, build, or think? Find your greatest strength and build your lifestyle around it.”

Derek Sivers of Sivers.org

“Much of success is luck. What the public loves will usually be a
surprise. So do many things, giving each one 100%, but if the public
just isn’t excited about it, walk away and do something completely
different. Knowing this in advance, your first step should be to just
do anything useful to others, realizing it’s just the first of your
many endeavors and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.”

Erin Dolland of Unclutterer

In my opinion, there are only two kinds of jobs that you can love:
1. A career that you are devoted to with a deep passion, surrounded by great colleagues who support and believe in a similar vision, and that is an integral part and reflection of who you are, and
2. A job that has regular hours, no demands on your time beyond your scheduled work day, generates enough income for a comfortable lifestyle, great colleagues, and a positive corporate culture.
To get both, the first step you need to take is to clear the distractions that get in the way of making it happen. There are no shortcuts — put in the time and energy to get rid of the clutter. Once the clutter is gone, you can focus all of your attention on making your dream job a reality.

Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind

“The first step is knowing what you want. The second is then doing shit. Or taking lots and lots of action. Don’t wait to implement until you have the perfect plan, don’t wait for the right resources to show up, or the right timing, or situation. Act now, and then keep acting. Make your business plan “Do Stuff” and that’s it. It will get you much farther than most.”

These are their first steps. Have the courage to take them.

What steps have you taken to live the life you want? Share your thoughts below.
photo credit: notsogoodphotography

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July 22, 2010

A Test of Controlling Your Emotions

Awhile back I wrote about how to stop being reactive. For this blog post, I’d like to expand on that idea a little bit more.

Emotions are extremely difficult to control. The reason for this is that they’ve been driving our actions since we were born. If we felt like having ice cream, we’d ask for it, or if we were in the mood for a new shirt, we’d go buy it.

If I didn’t feel like writing today, I probably wouldn’t have written this blog post. This alone is more than enough proof.

The way I see it, most of us are slaves to our emotions. Now that’s not a bad thing. By all means, if it feels good to give way to your feelings, feel free to do so. As you can tell, we’ve been doing that for a while.

Unfortunately, we’ve been so accustomed to letting our emotions run free that we forget to place restrictions on them. For instance, sometimes people will intentionally bait you into getting angry just so they can see you lose control. This is similar in the way that we incite others to laughter by doing something comical or telling a funny joke.

Either way, this ends up making us do things we never intended, saying hurtful things we don’t mean or getting riled up over issues that don’t really matter. When that happens, it’s really just an effect of acting on our emotions with abandon for so long.

It is for this reason that a very small number of people can effectively control their emotions. Public speakers and lawyers are just some of those that have to be able to master this technique — the high-stress situations they work under call for it. For regular people like us, however, we don’t have on-the-job training to force us to command our feelings so easily.

But that’s why you have me.

See every opportunity for an outburst as a test

Over time, I’ve come to realize that we have a choice in the way we go about our actions. That’s why these days I view opportunities to lose my temper as tests. When someone tries to bait me into getting a certain response, I just imagine a mental scorecard in my head presenting me with two options, yes or no.

Yes as in “Yes, I’ll lose my temper this time”, or no as in “Not going to overreact this time”.

This is just what I do, but the main thing I want you to take away from this is that we always have a choice in whether to unleash fury on someone else or keep ourselves in check. It just takes practice to be able to do this every situation — no matter how emotionally taxing.

Think happy thoughts (seriously it works)

Though our feelings do have considerable power over us, it’s not impossible to suppress them. Some people may choose to say comforting phrases over and over or some might resort to purchasing a cheap stress ball, but what I find works for me is just thinking happy thoughts.

Are you in a heated argument? Practice the power of conjuring up amusing memories and kiss your temper good-bye. Taking yourself out of a stressful situation and into a calming one does wonders for ones self-control.

Now this technique is also very tricky (like I’ve said, it’s not easy). I recommend just stopping yourself for a minute and looking at the situation from an impartial point of view. Then all that’s left to do is think about how funny it’ll be when you’re 3 days into the future. You’ll have lost interest by then. Funny, right?

Well, when you’re in the moment it won’t always be. Sometimes you’ll just be seething with anger, ready to throw a punch if anyone gets even an inch within pushing your buttons. And yes, it happens. People will push your buttons and expect you to react accordingly.

But that’s the beauty of being human. We don’t have to react the same way to the same situations. Upon repeated exposure, we automatically build up resistance. Once we get used to these situations (in which people keep pushing the same buttons) we end up not caring.

I still recommend mastering the art of self-control. It’s a skill not many can learn — it’s easy to get used to things, but it’s much harder to change yourself.
photo credit: Victor Bezrukov

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July 19, 2010

Be More Than the Average Person

The ones who do more than the average get extremely good results.

The man who works hard every single day gets the most compensation for his efforts, while the guy who works strictly on weekdays receives his standard pay.

The girl who dances without limits, who tries her very hardest, and instills passion in every twirl, jump, and hip movement will become a master of the dancing arts yet, while the competition practices at set times throughout the week, never straying from their schedules.

In our society, there are only people who do the standard affair and people who do much more than is necessary.

Generally, people aren’t comfortable being or doing more than they are. They will do as much as they can to keep from looking awkward, or weird, or self conscious. In the process, they end up looking like all of these things anyway.

Very few people are bold enough to be themselves. Those who are will do as they please, whistle as they walk, and throw paint on the bland and the dull to make it into art just because they feel like it.

As a result, these people are looked down upon. And it’s right that they should be, correct? I mean, how can they act so out of the ordinary and expect to be treated like everyone else?

And that’s just it. They don’t.

To be treated like everyone else is to be treated like jut another person. Just another worker bee. Another cog in society going where everybody else goes. This is why the bold decide to be different.

Because when at first they are ostracized, in time someone will say:

“Whatever you’re doing… that’s neat!”

And then another one will say that and then another. And another. And then, like magic, a movement is born and the one who is bold becomes the leader put in the front of it.

Why do you think the ones going against the norms are singled out? Why do you think they have an easier (or should I say, more fun) time getting to where they want to be?

Why do you think the ones who are different get extremely good results?

Because it makes them indispensable.

The world has enough people running around who are exact clones of one another. Those who have the guts to stand out and be different already realize this. And, inherently, the rest of us know it as well.

No one is born restricted

As children we are free to deem the world our oyster. But over time, we are given rules (through parental guidance or school training) that force us to obey. We are given orders to sit still and pay attention. Be quiet and draw within the lines.

Use the right colors for the right picture.

So as these rules are applied to the actions we do and to the way we live our lives everyday. Eventually it becomes a habit. And in the end, it becomes who we are.

But the few that break through this programming are the “glitches”. The individuals with a spirit that standardizing rules and behavior-management laws can’t control. These people are more than the average person.

How to be more

You too can be more than the average person. You don’t have to be another worker destined for corporate ladder climbership. You can create your own separate identity… an identity far more valuable than you ever imagined.

This is what you have to do.

1. Encourage breaks in perspective

Your perspective is your reality. When you see something happen that you never thought was ever possible, this is called a break in perspective. Find as many of these as you can. If you think you can’t do something because it seems way too out of the ordinary, assume you’re probably wrong. I would’ve never guessed that a mere child (Justin Bieber) would be the focus of the most popular video on a social networking site — and he’s not even that great of a singer. But what makes him stand out is that he’s different: he’s a child with a half-way decent voice discovered by Usher.

Look for the weird feats, believe in bold accomplishments, and aspire one in a million chances. You just might be able to pull one off.

2. Read the biographies of the indispensable

Do you think that you’re the only one pushing to be unique in a world of conformity? Countless others just like you are struggling to make the world their own. And through these struggles come amazing feats — the impact of which you should be taking advantage of.

With the “safety” of a consistent paycheck calling to you, it can be difficult to choose a path less beaten and control your own life. Fortunately, there are individuals who have already attained what you seek – a life that’s better than average – and you can use their accomplishments to fuel your desire.

3. Act with your own incentives

Average people have the typical incentives – marry so they can have kids, have kids because it seems like the next step, get a job so they can make money. Incentives that are taken up for little personal reason aren’t worth shooting for. Aim for incentives that are all your own and greatly improve your enjoyment of life.

Do you think the artist paints because art sells? No, he paints because he loves to do it. The extraordinary dancer dances because it’s her passion. From embracing what you enjoy, you gain personal fulfillment and acceptance.

So don’t be one who goes with the flow. Get a job that you love. Live a life that you’ll love. Take on challenges that inspire you to have them bested.

Act with your own incentive.

4. Infuse quality with time

There is no such thing as “closing time” on a mind motivated above the average. Even more so, there is also no such thing as working 9 -5 or any sort of set time line. If the work you get enjoyment from requires you to do a project that will take most of the day to complete, you wouldn’t complain. Because it’s your work.

You can never work too much or toil too little, as long as every minute is dedicated to quality. Long ago, time was perceived to be valuable. Farmers took great care in making the most delicious crops around. Owners took great pains to see their customers smile.

Now, we are in a time where quality is sacrificed for the sake of speed and efficiency. Just getting a product out matters more than creating quality. The average person values time over quality. The above average person values both.

The average person wastes time doing needless tasks. The above average person invests time in quality, understanding that value takes time to make.

You don’t have to be average

This took me a while to realize, being swamped underneath the delusion of “saving time” and “making deadlines”. While these things are vital tools in motivating you to do great work, never sacrifice yourself or your uniqueness just to get by and get things done. Chances are you’ve been “just getting by” your entire life. Doing just enough to pass on to the next stage.

Forget the next stage and forget about passing on. I used to always tell myself, “I can’t wait until this tedious period in my life is over, then I can do what I want”. Foolish words I know them now to be. If you can’t control your life now, then you’ll never be able to. This is something the average person already knows, but refuses to accept.

Until the day they die, they will live under the heel of someone else’s paycheck, most likely that of their boss. And when their social security checks come in, whether they’re currently working or not at the ripe, old, go-crazy-with-your-money age of 65, then they will know:

To live as average is to live a life controlled by others. You have to be more to be free.

photo credit: Llima

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July 15, 2010

Creating Your First Product (Part 1)

The feeling you get when working towards an end is the best feeling in the world.

I remember when I first came to college. For years it had been my sole purpose to get accepted into a top institution. All the years poured into mindless education had finally paid off when I got accepted into the University of Chicago. I was at a loss for words. But soon I myself would feel lost as well.

Having lived out my purpose, I felt like there wasn’t much left to do but wander aimlessly for a few months, going to parties, cutting back on classwork, but mostly just seeing how everybody was going about their college careers.

To my surprise, a lot of my housemates where majoring in the sciences. I thought maybe this meant something. I originally had come to become a doctor. Maybe this was where I belonged.

Unfortunately, my grades didn’t reflect this. And in reality, I wasn’t all that astonished. The work was just too difficult. It seemed that all we were learning were pointless theoretical concepts. Concepts that I couldn’t be less motivated to understand.

This wasn’t what I wanted to do. In truth, I aspired to be a businessman. And not the type that merely sold things for the sake of money, but sold inspiration.

Realizing this, I went online and looked for inspiration. There, I learned of people I came to idolize: Steve Pavlina, Jonathan Mead, Tim Ferriss. It didn’t take much to figure out what they all had in common; they were writers.

My true calling

I found a new purpose and discovered my passion: writing. Writing to inspire others.

It’s been over a year since then, with many bumps crossed, lots of confusion clarified, and focuses regained. I’m now living my passion.

With my third year far into the future, I’m happy to be able to focus more directly on improving my writing and my relationships with other bloggers seeking to make a difference.

What’s more, I’ve finally the time to work on shipping an actual product. In the coming weeks, I’ll be releasing a very short (maybe 15 pages or so), free e-book. This will be nothing too major, since this is just my first foray into product creation and design.

I’ve read countless e-books, devoured advice from other bloggers, and learned about all the possible outcomes. Worst case scenario, no one downloads the e-book, though my aim is to get over a hundred downloads.

Creating your first product – a series

I’ve decided to give you guys an up-close-and-personal look into how I’ve gotten started making my first e-book.

1. Find an audience that’s yours

For a product to have any traction, you have to take the initiative to find a crowd that’s interested in your type of art. After that, all you have to do is make some commotion. Make yourself known, state a clear purpose, and be original.

Not many people do this online. Take this to heart and you’ll be able to differentiate yourself from the fakes and become a true linchpin – someone indispensable.

2. Research on material related to your niche

An artist’s inspiration does not come from only looking over his old works, but also from taking bits of wisdom from other artists. But isn’t that stealing?

Actually, it isn’t. Whatever has been said in the past is being regurgitated right in front of you. What separates new works of art from classics is how the modern artist integrates his perspective into what’s already been done.

3. Be ruthless with what you create

Revise, refresh, repaint, resurface, recreate, whatever; do what you have to do to put out your best work. What you’ve giving away for free has merely been the appetizer. This time, for your very first work, pull out all the stops.

It’s taken weeks for me to try and make what this e-book says worth remembering… and I’m still not completely finished.

This is how all great art is made. Constant revision and critique until it’s as good as it can get. It’ll never be perfect, but putting in your best effort will make it worth it.

To be continued in part 2…

photo credit: Marco Arment

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July 12, 2010

Comments: The Final Say

On Friday, I received this email:

“Saw your post at Brazen Careerist, and was immediately turned off when you stated you’re not going to reply to comments there. If I feel this way, I’m sure others do as well.

Take Care.”

At first, I didn’t mind much, seeing as I stated an alternative on Brazen Careerist (a well-known site for networking/connecting/working with employees, employers, or just nice people, online) to come to the site and leave a thought on the original post.

Eventually, I admitted to myself that the ‘comment thing’ has been picking at my conscience for some time.

I have addressed comment/response policies in passing on previous blog posts. When this blog was much younger, I even said that I would reply to every comment within 24 hours.

I’ve been wishy-washy throughout this blog’s entire life cycle with comments, just devouring articles on when to reply and when not reply, on whether to keep them up, or on whether to take them down, and loosely referring to how I’ll respond and how I’ll not respond.

It’s time to, finally and forever, squash this issue:

- First of all, I’d like to say that I enjoy reading what you guys have to say. Keep the comments coming.

- I read every single one. No joke. No one gets left behind, young or old, long or short, big or small.

- I don’t, however, respond to every single one. I simply can’t respond to every ‘thank you’ or ‘nice post’ that I get. It takes away too much from the time I spend learning new things and getting inspiration for what you guys comment on in the first place: the blog post.

- In fact, if you want to share something personal, you want to send me hate mail, or you just want to say hello, shoot me an e-mail. You’ll get a response within 2-3 days, usually.

- Comments are necessary for community. No matter how many or how little I get, I don’t plan on cutting them off.

- Bashing other commenters or just contributing to an overall negative atmosphere isn’t cool. Don’t do it.

- Just because I don’t reply, it doesn’t mean I don’t care.

At the end of the day, it’s the people that matter. This blog wouldn’t be where it is now without you. It’s come pretty far in just one year. Maybe not as far as other blogs (due to the initial lack of purpose) and maybe not as profitable (due to not shipping a product as early as I should have), but the progress is still astounding.

Rest assured that I’m grateful to you for making me feel that my voice can make some sort of impact and some sort of difference.

Comments or no comments, this movement matters.

photo credit: s h a r i :}

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July 8, 2010

Life is the Greatest Teacher

As I look across the horizon at the faces of the young people around me, I weep. A once proud part of the human race, the younger generation has been described as lazy, overemotional, and disrespectful.

I myself used to have all three of these characteristics. Not when I was an adventure-seeking, rambunctious toddler, but as an older high school teenager.

It was at this stage that my foolish rascal tendencies were at their highest. I would constantly complain, care for my friends more than my family, and in general would just talk all the time.

Then came a moment when I wondered where I would end up. Would I remain on track to becoming a doctor like my parents wanted? Am I just going to keep acting like a child for the rest of my life?

This moment would serve as the spark that set in motion a process of learning life lesson, molding me into the person you’re reading through your computer screen.

Since then, I’ve learned a great many things, but these are the lessons that I wished I’d stumbled upon earlier:

1. Everyone’s opinion matters only as much as you want them to

There was a time when everyone’s opinion was mine as well. Whatever preferences I formerly held were dashed in the face of another’s. This most likely came from a need to please others.

Remember that your opinion matters just as much as the next guy’s, whether they make more money than you or are less popular than you. Everyone’s opinion holds the same weight.

2. Your emotions are under your control

Drama, chaos, and emotional unrest — these were what took up most of my time as a teenager. When everyone’s obsessed with what’s in and what’s not, tempers flare; mine mostly.

If I had heard someone said rotten things behind my back, I’d erupt. Go crazy. Looking back on those tantrums now, I’m not too surprised. After all, when you have little self control, anything is possible.

The lessons here is, remain aware of how you react.

3. Arguments are pointless

Will one small quarrel among friends decide the fate of the entire universe? In my world it felt like it. I just wanted so much to be right and for them so much to be wrong. But in the end, it only resulted in me wasting my time and in the other person storming off in frustration.

Is there really a point to arguing? Unless it’s absolutely necessary, I’ve learned that it’s better to hold your breath on things you can’t control at all.

Arguing to change someone’s mind is one of them.

4. Your parents only want what’s best for you

I’m not saying every parent wants what’s best for you (there are outliers), but in general, parents do what they do for you in your best interest.

My parents used to make me do the dishes, cook dinner, sweep the floors, mow the lawn, take out the garbage… the list goes on and on. And at every turn, I’d whine and complain. I’d eventually end up doing it.

Now, I honestly see the value in having learned those skills. I can efficiently cook and clean up after myself — what’s not to like?

And even though I despised school, I thank them for the education they helped me acquire.

5. Societal norms don’t mean anything

When you define your life by what society tells you, trust me, life gets much harder to live. You’re constantly on the edge thinking to yourself, “Am I behind the times? What’s the normal thing to do? Is this acceptable?”

For me, this came from not having confidence in myself to be who I am. I believe that when we are children, we already internalize this. We care not for society, but only for expressing ourselves. Then after puberty, we starting caring a bit too much.

So much so that we begin to lose ourselves.

Let’s go back to who we used to be. Carefree of norms and happy for simply living a life our own.

6. You aren’t stuck in any situation

Whenever I’d lose a friend, get an awful grade, or disappoint my parents, I stewed in my own muck. Waiting for the bad moments to go away seemed to be the only solution. Fortunately, I know now that you don’t have to be stuck in bad situations.

You can go out and create better ones.

It all depends on perspective; on how you see the situation. Viewing everything as a learning experience makes life more pleasurable, even during the hard times.

You aren’t stuck. You can move on.

7. You learn by doing

This a lesson that I unknowingly followed for quite some time. I used to try everything at least once, just to see how it was like. But as I entered my teen years, I became wary of trying new things.

Skepticism enraptured me, fear grabbed hold of me, and soon… I became gutless.

I would count myself out of the race before I was even in it.

I think the lesson here is clear.

You cannot change what you didn’t know back then

Though, it would be nice to transfer wisdom across the time-space continuum. I wish I could tell my younger, immature self all of this.

I’d tell him to relax and everything will be fine. All you have to do is believe everything will be okay and believe in your abilities, regardless of any path you choose.

Nonetheless, I’m glad to have learned these lessons the way I did. Each experience helped shape me to become a better person. I don’t know if any young people are reading this, but if they are, I’d like to say this:

“Listen to life and it’s experiences. Everyone goes through mostly the same things.”

Editor’s Note: This article was written to be a part of the Life Lessons series, created by Abubakar Jamil.

photo credit: dcJohn

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July 6, 2010

Get in the Habit of Speaking in the Present Tense

There comes a time when talking about the past gets old, or at least, older than you make it out to be. It seems like such a big deal when we talk about it, but you have to realize that talking about matters long gone doesn’t really help you.

What it does instead is delay action:

I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t get the score you wanted, but what are you going to do to fix it? I can see that you’ve gained some weight since your surgery, but what’s your next course of action?

Even when talking about past accomplishments:

Congratulations on successfully selling your first product to a hungry audience, but what about your second? I’m happy to hear that you’ve lost a lot of weight, but what are you doing about it?

I know that you’ve done remarkable things, but who are you inspiring right now?

This shows that a matter of the past is not one of the present. You’ve already experienced it; why bother making yourself relive those moments day after day, month after month, or year by year?

Act presently

Now given this advice, one would suggest that you speak instead of new goals as opposed to old ones.

This too is counterintuitive. Whether you’re living in a past long gone or trying to exist in a future unknown; talking about either serves no purpose.

I used to tell myself this all the time, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly listened until just recently. Evidence for this lies in the fact that I constantly wrote about how much of a pain my past was to deal with.

Family issues, high school insecurities, things like that.

Still, as if to ease my conscience, I reiterated to myself countless times:

“What’s happened in the past is done. I’ve long since moved on.”

“The future will be much brighter. Can’t wait until then.”

I believed that if I told myself this enough times, I would be able to move on. But in the end, that wasn’t what helped me move past these hangups.

What did help me was something that I think most of us tend to overlook when trying to get over the past: I zipped my lips on what I couldn’t presently control.

Which statement is worth more?

I’m looking for a job or I will look for a job?

I’ve practiced for six hours or I’m practicing for six hours?

Use present choice to do what matters now

The past can be left behind by the choices you make now. If you failed before, does that warrant you to think that it will happen again?

No, it doesn’t.

You can choose to use your past experience as a teacher, to help guide you towards success. Or you can choose to remain stagnant, obsessing over what’s already finished.

As with most things in life, choice is everything. The ball is already in your court.

Editor’s Note: I had a post all ready to go on Monday, but due to my sheer dislike for it, I deleted it. I ultimately found it unoriginal and not worth publishing in the first place.

My apologies to those who shared the post minutes before I sent it into deep web space.

photo credit: gcfairch

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July 1, 2010

The Truth Behind Doing Work You Love

The other night, while I was working on my e-book (details coming soon), I asked myself why I was doing this. Why go through so much pain for one e-book when I can spend my vacation basking in the sun or getting paid the traditional way?

Let’s sit on this idea for a second. It’s summer. There are jobs that I could’ve easily applied for and gotten hired to do. I know plenty of people who could recommend me for very good positions.

So, why am I busting my butt trying to get this e-book done instead of selling out and getting employed like the greater portion of college kids my age do? Why am I doing such hard work that’s so far been yielding me no payment?

I’m not going to get any sort of medal. Maybe a few thousand people will get to see the result of my hard labor. Even fewer will decide to purchase it.

It’s funny that when I’m in the thick of difficult work that I ask myself this. And then the answer came to me, as if I was struck by neural lightning:

Because I enjoyed doing it.

But in an instant, I had another conundrum. I already knew that I enjoyed it. But why is it so difficult? I thought doing what you love was supposed to be easy?

Then another answer came to me in my somewhat enlightened state:

For anything to be a success, hard work is necessary. Hard work is what separates the winners from the losers; the expendable from the indispensable.

A wake-up call already woken up to

Somewhere along the line, we’ve seem to have forgotten the adjective that goes in front of the word “work”.

All the time I hear the gurus say we should be doing “work that matters”. Instead we should be telling ourselves to do “hard work” that matters. I don’t know about you, but I get the notion that most of us think doing what we love is going to be easy.

That the four-hour work week is acquired by working for four hours of week from the get-go.

That doing what you love is all fun in the sun while you get to work from anywhere.

Unfortunately, when you actually test that theory, it’s proven that only the opposite is true.

Whether you’re pushing pencils, or striving to increase awareness about the impact humanity is having on the world. Whether you’re a famous actor on the stages of Broadway, or sitting at the desk in another one of those gray cubicles. Whether you’re doing what you love or doing what you hate.

It all takes hard work.

Hard work and passion go hand in hand

“When you live for a strong purpose, then hard work isn’t an option. It’s a necessity.” – Steve Pavlina

When you really care about something (maybe you want to start a movement and bring change) you can’t mull around expecting someone else to take the first step. Or rather, you won’t let yourself do that.

You already know, as if instinctually, that intention backed up by action makes things happen. As Steve says, hard work is a necessary element in order for your goals to be realized.

There are no shortcuts

“There is no substitute for hard work.” – Thomas Edison

There are no lottery tickets in life that will dramatically increase your odds of success. Hard work has existed all these years for a reason. It’s the only tried and true way to successfully doing what you love.

The only shortcut to hard work is less work, which in the end leads to a higher chance of you not succeeding.

Greatness is not obtained through a slack work ethic

“Unless you are willing to drench yourself in your work beyond the capacity of the average man, you are just not cut out for positions at the top.” – J.C. Penney

Alright, we know hard work matters and that it is necessary, but how much of it are we supposed to do? The answer is however much it takes to get where we want to be.

Anybody can do hard work for a few hours. Take a look at how many people work part-time. But less can remain dedicated for a few months. Even less so can stay hard workers for years.

This is why there are so few at the top. Not because they took shortcuts or free-rode on the backs of the more dedicated. But because they understood that hard work is what rules all.

The truth behind doing what you love

The truth is that doing what you love requires you to work much longer and harder than your employed counterparts for no pay whatsoever (at least in the beginning). The paycheck you seek is not coming at the end of every bi-weekly period.

But what matters much more than the time invested, the money lost, and the sweat put in is that you are doing what makes you happy and what others can enjoy.

Is this not what life is about? The pursuit of happiness? I can hear the naysayers already, telling me that this pursuit is imaginary and the “American Dream” was lost long ago.

I beg to differ.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

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June 28, 2010

Be Your Best Self

Have you ever heard the phrase, “It’s not enough just to be yourself. You have to be your BEST self”?

If not, then I’m almost certain that you’re not taking this most important action everyday.

To be your best self is to put everything you have into making each and every day meaningful to you. It is to be your ideal self.

Being your best self, of course, is easier said than done. Most of us can’t live up to our ideals; they’re just locked too deep from within as the result of insecurity, peer pressure, and self-consciousness.

Others, instead, will push past this resistance to embrace freedom and the power of choice.

Do what you want to do, not what you feel you must do

I’ve lived as a servant before, only doing things others would tell me to because these things were acceptable to a number of people vastly greater than myself. During this time, I wasn’t being myself, let alone my best.

I was simply going through the motions, without direction nor a purpose. And if you’re missing either of those, consider yourself a slave to whomever decides to act on you first. I followed orders quite well, almost to a T, never trying to make myself noticeable or different.

I’m living now as myself. I strive everyday to live as my BEST self. A self that no one can merely tell what to do. A self that only I control. A self that does work which truly matters, not busy automation that a robot can do.

I enjoy going where no person has gone before. Challenging our not, if a new path is open and seems interesting enough, I have no choice but to pursue it.

As a hedonist, I survive only for pleasure. While pain may occasionally show itself in the form of failure, love lost, struggle, etc. I understand that it will one day pass. And when it does pass, it is my choice whether or not to embrace pleasure again or whether I want to remain covered in depression and pity.

Find out who you are and express it

You must determine what kind of person you are or what type of individual you wish to exist as. Once you discover that, it is imperative that you immediately portray it.

Think of yourself as an actor in an award-winning motion picture. This picture is called “Your Life”. Who do you want to be when the movie plays?

What does your character do? Is he a boring math teacher who goes strictly by the book and never strays into the realm of creativity, or is he the type of teacher that teaches the way he wants to teach, not only teaches his students but inspires his students, and is fondly remembered long after class ends?

How does your character act? Is he irrationally, overemotional, and reactive? Does he have low self-esteem and believe himself to have little self-worth?

Or is he cool, calm, and calculating? Does he radiate irrational self-confidence and exude a certainty of excellence that this world has never seen?

You alone decide who your best self can and will become.

Nevertheless, it’s not enough that you want to be somebody else or want to live like somebody else. If you don’t start acting like your ideal self, you never will be.

photo credit: Aleera*

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