HiLife2B » Personal Development

How to Be Your Best Self – 101 Maxims: Free E-Book

John Anyasor — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 05:07:44 +0000

I’ve been blogging for over a year, and it’s about time that I finally shipped a product.

HBYBS is that product. This is my first step.

I created this e-book in order to give regular readers and newcomers alike a gist of what I advocate here on the blog. Feel free to share this short, 21-page tome with your family and friends. This is my gift to you.

What’s this e-book about?

These are 101 maxims on how to be your best self and reach your full potential in a society that forces you to conform. This e-book reminds you that you don’t have to be a worker bee. You have the power to be whoever you want—all it takes is a little motivation.

This book is not for people who refuse to change who they are. It’s not for people who accept the “American Dream” as one of material abundance and corporate ladder climberism. I don’t recommend this e-book for people can’t believe in the impossible.

Download the free e-book, How to Be Your Best Self.

I hope you enjoy it. Your support over the past year is what’s made starting this movement worthwhile. Don’t hesitate to comment below, on Twitter, or by e-mail if you have suggestions/thoughts about the e-book.

I love hearing your opinions.

Special thanks to Chris O’Byrne for the superb editing job. I owe you one.

If you liked this e-book, please spread the word. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

A Test of Controlling Your Emotions

John Anyasor — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 05:03:24 +0000

Awhile back I wrote about how to stop being reactive. For this blog post, I’d like to expand on that idea a little bit more.

Emotions are extremely difficult to control. The reason for this is that they’ve been driving our actions since we were born. If we felt like having ice cream, we’d ask for it, or if we were in the mood for a new shirt, we’d go buy it.

If I didn’t feel like writing today, I probably wouldn’t have written this blog post. This alone is more than enough proof.

The way I see it, most of us are slaves to our emotions. Now that’s not a bad thing. By all means, if it feels good to give way to your feelings, feel free to do so. As you can tell, we’ve been doing that for a while.

Unfortunately, we’ve been so accustomed to letting our emotions run free that we forget to place restrictions on them. For instance, sometimes people will intentionally bait you into getting angry just so they can see you lose control. This is similar in the way that we incite others to laughter by doing something comical or telling a funny joke.

Either way, this ends up making us do things we never intended, saying hurtful things we don’t mean or getting riled up over issues that don’t really matter. When that happens, it’s really just an effect of acting on our emotions with abandon for so long.

It is for this reason that a very small number of people can effectively control their emotions. Public speakers and lawyers are just some of those that have to be able to master this technique — the high-stress situations they work under call for it. For regular people like us, however, we don’t have on-the-job training to force us to command our feelings so easily.

But that’s why you have me.

See every opportunity for an outburst as a test

Over time, I’ve come to realize that we have a choice in the way we go about our actions. That’s why these days I view opportunities to lose my temper as tests. When someone tries to bait me into getting a certain response, I just imagine a mental scorecard in my head presenting me with two options, yes or no.

Yes as in “Yes, I’ll lose my temper this time”, or no as in “Not going to overreact this time”.

This is just what I do, but the main thing I want you to take away from this is that we always have a choice in whether to unleash fury on someone else or keep ourselves in check. It just takes practice to be able to do this every situation — no matter how emotionally taxing.

Think happy thoughts (seriously it works)

Though our feelings do have considerable power over us, it’s not impossible to suppress them. Some people may choose to say comforting phrases over and over or some might resort to purchasing a cheap stress ball, but what I find works for me is just thinking happy thoughts.

Are you in a heated argument? Practice the power of conjuring up amusing memories and kiss your temper good-bye. Taking yourself out of a stressful situation and into a calming one does wonders for ones self-control.

Now this technique is also very tricky (like I’ve said, it’s not easy). I recommend just stopping yourself for a minute and looking at the situation from an impartial point of view. Then all that’s left to do is think about how funny it’ll be when you’re 3 days into the future. You’ll have lost interest by then. Funny, right?

Well, when you’re in the moment it won’t always be. Sometimes you’ll just be seething with anger, ready to throw a punch if anyone gets even an inch within pushing your buttons. And yes, it happens. People will push your buttons and expect you to react accordingly.

But that’s the beauty of being human. We don’t have to react the same way to the same situations. Upon repeated exposure, we automatically build up resistance. Once we get used to these situations (in which people keep pushing the same buttons) we end up not caring.

I still recommend mastering the art of self-control. It’s a skill not many can learn — it’s easy to get used to things, but it’s much harder to change yourself.
photo credit: Victor Bezrukov

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

Be More Than the Average Person

John Anyasor — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 05:01:20 +0000

The ones who do more than the average get extremely good results.

The man who works hard every single day gets the most compensation for his efforts, while the guy who works strictly on weekdays receives his standard pay.

The girl who dances without limits, who tries her very hardest, and instills passion in every twirl, jump, and hip movement will become a master of the dancing arts yet, while the competition practices at set times throughout the week, never straying from their schedules.

In our society, there are only people who do the standard affair and people who do much more than is necessary.

Generally, people aren’t comfortable being or doing more than they are. They will do as much as they can to keep from looking awkward, or weird, or self conscious. In the process, they end up looking like all of these things anyway.

Very few people are bold enough to be themselves. Those who are will do as they please, whistle as they walk, and throw paint on the bland and the dull to make it into art just because they feel like it.

As a result, these people are looked down upon. And it’s right that they should be, correct? I mean, how can they act so out of the ordinary and expect to be treated like everyone else?

And that’s just it. They don’t.

To be treated like everyone else is to be treated like jut another person. Just another worker bee. Another cog in society going where everybody else goes. This is why the bold decide to be different.

Because when at first they are ostracized, in time someone will say:

“Whatever you’re doing… that’s neat!”

And then another one will say that and then another. And another. And then, like magic, a movement is born and the one who is bold becomes the leader put in the front of it.

Why do you think the ones going against the norms are singled out? Why do you think they have an easier (or should I say, more fun) time getting to where they want to be?

Why do you think the ones who are different get extremely good results?

Because it makes them indispensable.

The world has enough people running around who are exact clones of one another. Those who have the guts to stand out and be different already realize this. And, inherently, the rest of us know it as well.

No one is born restricted

As children we are free to deem the world our oyster. But over time, we are given rules (through parental guidance or school training) that force us to obey. We are given orders to sit still and pay attention. Be quiet and draw within the lines.

Use the right colors for the right picture.

So as these rules are applied to the actions we do and to the way we live our lives everyday. Eventually it becomes a habit. And in the end, it becomes who we are.

But the few that break through this programming are the “glitches”. The individuals with a spirit that standardizing rules and behavior-management laws can’t control. These people are more than the average person.

How to be more

You too can be more than the average person. You don’t have to be another worker destined for corporate ladder climbership. You can create your own separate identity… an identity far more valuable than you ever imagined.

This is what you have to do.

1. Encourage breaks in perspective

Your perspective is your reality. When you see something happen that you never thought was ever possible, this is called a break in perspective. Find as many of these as you can. If you think you can’t do something because it seems way too out of the ordinary, assume you’re probably wrong. I would’ve never guessed that a mere child (Justin Bieber) would be the focus of the most popular video on a social networking site — and he’s not even that great of a singer. But what makes him stand out is that he’s different: he’s a child with a half-way decent voice discovered by Usher.

Look for the weird feats, believe in bold accomplishments, and aspire one in a million chances. You just might be able to pull one off.

2. Read the biographies of the indispensable

Do you think that you’re the only one pushing to be unique in a world of conformity? Countless others just like you are struggling to make the world their own. And through these struggles come amazing feats — the impact of which you should be taking advantage of.

With the “safety” of a consistent paycheck calling to you, it can be difficult to choose a path less beaten and control your own life. Fortunately, there are individuals who have already attained what you seek – a life that’s better than average – and you can use their accomplishments to fuel your desire.

3. Act with your own incentives

Average people have the typical incentives – marry so they can have kids, have kids because it seems like the next step, get a job so they can make money. Incentives that are taken up for little personal reason aren’t worth shooting for. Aim for incentives that are all your own and greatly improve your enjoyment of life.

Do you think the artist paints because art sells? No, he paints because he loves to do it. The extraordinary dancer dances because it’s her passion. From embracing what you enjoy, you gain personal fulfillment and acceptance.

So don’t be one who goes with the flow. Get a job that you love. Live a life that you’ll love. Take on challenges that inspire you to have them bested.

Act with your own incentive.

4. Infuse quality with time

There is no such thing as “closing time” on a mind motivated above the average. Even more so, there is also no such thing as working 9 -5 or any sort of set time line. If the work you get enjoyment from requires you to do a project that will take most of the day to complete, you wouldn’t complain. Because it’s your work.

You can never work too much or toil too little, as long as every minute is dedicated to quality. Long ago, time was perceived to be valuable. Farmers took great care in making the most delicious crops around. Owners took great pains to see their customers smile.

Now, we are in a time where quality is sacrificed for the sake of speed and efficiency. Just getting a product out matters more than creating quality. The average person values time over quality. The above average person values both.

The average person wastes time doing needless tasks. The above average person invests time in quality, understanding that value takes time to make.

You don’t have to be average

This took me a while to realize, being swamped underneath the delusion of “saving time” and “making deadlines”. While these things are vital tools in motivating you to do great work, never sacrifice yourself or your uniqueness just to get by and get things done. Chances are you’ve been “just getting by” your entire life. Doing just enough to pass on to the next stage.

Forget the next stage and forget about passing on. I used to always tell myself, “I can’t wait until this tedious period in my life is over, then I can do what I want”. Foolish words I know them now to be. If you can’t control your life now, then you’ll never be able to. This is something the average person already knows, but refuses to accept.

Until the day they die, they will live under the heel of someone else’s paycheck, most likely that of their boss. And when their social security checks come in, whether they’re currently working or not at the ripe, old, go-crazy-with-your-money age of 65, then they will know:

To live as average is to live a life controlled by others. You have to be more to be free.

photo credit: Llima

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

Life is the Greatest Teacher

John Anyasor — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 05:19:59 +0000

As I look across the horizon at the faces of the young people around me, I weep. A once proud part of the human race, the younger generation has been described as lazy, overemotional, and disrespectful.

I myself used to have all three of these characteristics. Not when I was an adventure-seeking, rambunctious toddler, but as an older high school teenager.

It was at this stage that my foolish rascal tendencies were at their highest. I would constantly complain, care for my friends more than my family, and in general would just talk all the time.

Then came a moment when I wondered where I would end up. Would I remain on track to becoming a doctor like my parents wanted? Am I just going to keep acting like a child for the rest of my life?

This moment would serve as the spark that set in motion a process of learning life lesson, molding me into the person you’re reading through your computer screen.

Since then, I’ve learned a great many things, but these are the lessons that I wished I’d stumbled upon earlier:

1. Everyone’s opinion matters only as much as you want them to

There was a time when everyone’s opinion was mine as well. Whatever preferences I formerly held were dashed in the face of another’s. This most likely came from a need to please others.

Remember that your opinion matters just as much as the next guy’s, whether they make more money than you or are less popular than you. Everyone’s opinion holds the same weight.

2. Your emotions are under your control

Drama, chaos, and emotional unrest — these were what took up most of my time as a teenager. When everyone’s obsessed with what’s in and what’s not, tempers flare; mine mostly.

If I had heard someone said rotten things behind my back, I’d erupt. Go crazy. Looking back on those tantrums now, I’m not too surprised. After all, when you have little self control, anything is possible.

The lessons here is, remain aware of how you react.

3. Arguments are pointless

Will one small quarrel among friends decide the fate of the entire universe? In my world it felt like it. I just wanted so much to be right and for them so much to be wrong. But in the end, it only resulted in me wasting my time and in the other person storming off in frustration.

Is there really a point to arguing? Unless it’s absolutely necessary, I’ve learned that it’s better to hold your breath on things you can’t control at all.

Arguing to change someone’s mind is one of them.

4. Your parents only want what’s best for you

I’m not saying every parent wants what’s best for you (there are outliers), but in general, parents do what they do for you in your best interest.

My parents used to make me do the dishes, cook dinner, sweep the floors, mow the lawn, take out the garbage… the list goes on and on. And at every turn, I’d whine and complain. I’d eventually end up doing it.

Now, I honestly see the value in having learned those skills. I can efficiently cook and clean up after myself — what’s not to like?

And even though I despised school, I thank them for the education they helped me acquire.

5. Societal norms don’t mean anything

When you define your life by what society tells you, trust me, life gets much harder to live. You’re constantly on the edge thinking to yourself, “Am I behind the times? What’s the normal thing to do? Is this acceptable?”

For me, this came from not having confidence in myself to be who I am. I believe that when we are children, we already internalize this. We care not for society, but only for expressing ourselves. Then after puberty, we starting caring a bit too much.

So much so that we begin to lose ourselves.

Let’s go back to who we used to be. Carefree of norms and happy for simply living a life our own.

6. You aren’t stuck in any situation

Whenever I’d lose a friend, get an awful grade, or disappoint my parents, I stewed in my own muck. Waiting for the bad moments to go away seemed to be the only solution. Fortunately, I know now that you don’t have to be stuck in bad situations.

You can go out and create better ones.

It all depends on perspective; on how you see the situation. Viewing everything as a learning experience makes life more pleasurable, even during the hard times.

You aren’t stuck. You can move on.

7. You learn by doing

This a lesson that I unknowingly followed for quite some time. I used to try everything at least once, just to see how it was like. But as I entered my teen years, I became wary of trying new things.

Skepticism enraptured me, fear grabbed hold of me, and soon… I became gutless.

I would count myself out of the race before I was even in it.

I think the lesson here is clear.

You cannot change what you didn’t know back then

Though, it would be nice to transfer wisdom across the time-space continuum. I wish I could tell my younger, immature self all of this.

I’d tell him to relax and everything will be fine. All you have to do is believe everything will be okay and believe in your abilities, regardless of any path you choose.

Nonetheless, I’m glad to have learned these lessons the way I did. Each experience helped shape me to become a better person. I don’t know if any young people are reading this, but if they are, I’d like to say this:

“Listen to life and it’s experiences. Everyone goes through mostly the same things.”

Editor’s Note: This article was written to be a part of the Life Lessons series, created by Abubakar Jamil.

photo credit: dcJohn

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

Get in the Habit of Speaking in the Present Tense

John Anyasor — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:17:36 +0000

There comes a time when talking about the past gets old, or at least, older than you make it out to be. It seems like such a big deal when we talk about it, but you have to realize that talking about matters long gone doesn’t really help you.

What it does instead is delay action:

I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t get the score you wanted, but what are you going to do to fix it? I can see that you’ve gained some weight since your surgery, but what’s your next course of action?

Even when talking about past accomplishments:

Congratulations on successfully selling your first product to a hungry audience, but what about your second? I’m happy to hear that you’ve lost a lot of weight, but what are you doing about it?

I know that you’ve done remarkable things, but who are you inspiring right now?

This shows that a matter of the past is not one of the present. You’ve already experienced it; why bother making yourself relive those moments day after day, month after month, or year by year?

Act presently

Now given this advice, one would suggest that you speak instead of new goals as opposed to old ones.

This too is counterintuitive. Whether you’re living in a past long gone or trying to exist in a future unknown; talking about either serves no purpose.

I used to tell myself this all the time, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly listened until just recently. Evidence for this lies in the fact that I constantly wrote about how much of a pain my past was to deal with.

Family issues, high school insecurities, things like that.

Still, as if to ease my conscience, I reiterated to myself countless times:

“What’s happened in the past is done. I’ve long since moved on.”

“The future will be much brighter. Can’t wait until then.”

I believed that if I told myself this enough times, I would be able to move on. But in the end, that wasn’t what helped me move past these hangups.

What did help me was something that I think most of us tend to overlook when trying to get over the past: I zipped my lips on what I couldn’t presently control.

Which statement is worth more?

I’m looking for a job or I will look for a job?

I’ve practiced for six hours or I’m practicing for six hours?

Use present choice to do what matters now

The past can be left behind by the choices you make now. If you failed before, does that warrant you to think that it will happen again?

No, it doesn’t.

You can choose to use your past experience as a teacher, to help guide you towards success. Or you can choose to remain stagnant, obsessing over what’s already finished.

As with most things in life, choice is everything. The ball is already in your court.

Editor’s Note: I had a post all ready to go on Monday, but due to my sheer dislike for it, I deleted it. I ultimately found it unoriginal and not worth publishing in the first place.

My apologies to those who shared the post minutes before I sent it into deep web space.

photo credit: gcfairch

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

The Truth Behind Doing Work You Love

John Anyasor — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 05:07:17 +0000

The other night, while I was working on my e-book (details coming soon), I asked myself why I was doing this. Why go through so much pain for one e-book when I can spend my vacation basking in the sun or getting paid the traditional way?

Let’s sit on this idea for a second. It’s summer. There are jobs that I could’ve easily applied for and gotten hired to do. I know plenty of people who could recommend me for very good positions.

So, why am I busting my butt trying to get this e-book done instead of selling out and getting employed like the greater portion of college kids my age do? Why am I doing such hard work that’s so far been yielding me no payment?

I’m not going to get any sort of medal. Maybe a few thousand people will get to see the result of my hard labor. Even fewer will decide to purchase it.

It’s funny that when I’m in the thick of difficult work that I ask myself this. And then the answer came to me, as if I was struck by neural lightning:

Because I enjoyed doing it.

But in an instant, I had another conundrum. I already knew that I enjoyed it. But why is it so difficult? I thought doing what you love was supposed to be easy?

Then another answer came to me in my somewhat enlightened state:

For anything to be a success, hard work is necessary. Hard work is what separates the winners from the losers; the expendable from the indispensable.

A wake-up call already woken up to

Somewhere along the line, we’ve seem to have forgotten the adjective that goes in front of the word “work”.

All the time I hear the gurus say we should be doing “work that matters”. Instead we should be telling ourselves to do “hard work” that matters. I don’t know about you, but I get the notion that most of us think doing what we love is going to be easy.

That the four-hour work week is acquired by working for four hours of week from the get-go.

That doing what you love is all fun in the sun while you get to work from anywhere.

Unfortunately, when you actually test that theory, it’s proven that only the opposite is true.

Whether you’re pushing pencils, or striving to increase awareness about the impact humanity is having on the world. Whether you’re a famous actor on the stages of Broadway, or sitting at the desk in another one of those gray cubicles. Whether you’re doing what you love or doing what you hate.

It all takes hard work.

Hard work and passion go hand in hand

“When you live for a strong purpose, then hard work isn’t an option. It’s a necessity.” – Steve Pavlina

When you really care about something (maybe you want to start a movement and bring change) you can’t mull around expecting someone else to take the first step. Or rather, you won’t let yourself do that.

You already know, as if instinctually, that intention backed up by action makes things happen. As Steve says, hard work is a necessary element in order for your goals to be realized.

There are no shortcuts

“There is no substitute for hard work.” – Thomas Edison

There are no lottery tickets in life that will dramatically increase your odds of success. Hard work has existed all these years for a reason. It’s the only tried and true way to successfully doing what you love.

The only shortcut to hard work is less work, which in the end leads to a higher chance of you not succeeding.

Greatness is not obtained through a slack work ethic

“Unless you are willing to drench yourself in your work beyond the capacity of the average man, you are just not cut out for positions at the top.” – J.C. Penney

Alright, we know hard work matters and that it is necessary, but how much of it are we supposed to do? The answer is however much it takes to get where we want to be.

Anybody can do hard work for a few hours. Take a look at how many people work part-time. But less can remain dedicated for a few months. Even less so can stay hard workers for years.

This is why there are so few at the top. Not because they took shortcuts or free-rode on the backs of the more dedicated. But because they understood that hard work is what rules all.

The truth behind doing what you love

The truth is that doing what you love requires you to work much longer and harder than your employed counterparts for no pay whatsoever (at least in the beginning). The paycheck you seek is not coming at the end of every bi-weekly period.

But what matters much more than the time invested, the money lost, and the sweat put in is that you are doing what makes you happy and what others can enjoy.

Is this not what life is about? The pursuit of happiness? I can hear the naysayers already, telling me that this pursuit is imaginary and the “American Dream” was lost long ago.

I beg to differ.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

Be Your Best Self

John Anyasor — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 05:03:07 +0000

Have you ever heard the phrase, “It’s not enough just to be yourself. You have to be your BEST self”?

If not, then I’m almost certain that you’re not taking this most important action everyday.

To be your best self is to put everything you have into making each and every day meaningful to you. It is to be your ideal self.

Being your best self, of course, is easier said than done. Most of us can’t live up to our ideals; they’re just locked too deep from within as the result of insecurity, peer pressure, and self-consciousness.

Others, instead, will push past this resistance to embrace freedom and the power of choice.

Do what you want to do, not what you feel you must do

I’ve lived as a servant before, only doing things others would tell me to because these things were acceptable to a number of people vastly greater than myself. During this time, I wasn’t being myself, let alone my best.

I was simply going through the motions, without direction nor a purpose. And if you’re missing either of those, consider yourself a slave to whomever decides to act on you first. I followed orders quite well, almost to a T, never trying to make myself noticeable or different.

I’m living now as myself. I strive everyday to live as my BEST self. A self that no one can merely tell what to do. A self that only I control. A self that does work which truly matters, not busy automation that a robot can do.

I enjoy going where no person has gone before. Challenging our not, if a new path is open and seems interesting enough, I have no choice but to pursue it.

As a hedonist, I survive only for pleasure. While pain may occasionally show itself in the form of failure, love lost, struggle, etc. I understand that it will one day pass. And when it does pass, it is my choice whether or not to embrace pleasure again or whether I want to remain covered in depression and pity.

Find out who you are and express it

You must determine what kind of person you are or what type of individual you wish to exist as. Once you discover that, it is imperative that you immediately portray it.

Think of yourself as an actor in an award-winning motion picture. This picture is called “Your Life”. Who do you want to be when the movie plays?

What does your character do? Is he a boring math teacher who goes strictly by the book and never strays into the realm of creativity, or is he the type of teacher that teaches the way he wants to teach, not only teaches his students but inspires his students, and is fondly remembered long after class ends?

How does your character act? Is he irrationally, overemotional, and reactive? Does he have low self-esteem and believe himself to have little self-worth?

Or is he cool, calm, and calculating? Does he radiate irrational self-confidence and exude a certainty of excellence that this world has never seen?

You alone decide who your best self can and will become.

Nevertheless, it’s not enough that you want to be somebody else or want to live like somebody else. If you don’t start acting like your ideal self, you never will be.

photo credit: Aleera*

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

7 Steps to Getting Rid of Embarrassment Once and For All

John Anyasor — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 05:02:26 +0000

“The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else was to be indifferent to that difference.” – Al Capp, great American cartoonist

At some point in our lives, we wind up speaking in front of a large crowd of people, wearing an untied shoe, or walking in the path of a lone tree branch. The opportunity just seems to present itself at the most inopportune times. One mispronunciation, one careless move, or one instance of delayed reaction time and:

STUTTER!

TRIP!

SMACK!

Like magic, the fluidity of our speech turns into choppy babble, the clip-clop of our stride turns into the stamp-stomp of a gorilla trying to regain its balance, and our simple daydream turns into a dizzying mess as we rub our bruised faces. Our confidence transforms into embarrassment.

Ouch.

Yup. I’ve been there and back, my friend. Along with the red face, frenzied eye moments, and loss for words, embarrassment is not a pretty thing to watch, let alone experience. Luckily for me, however, I’ve been in so many embarrassing situations, that I’m practically immune.

So that’s why I say this:

You can end your embarrassment once and for all.

To be blunt, not all of these tips will make you instantly embarrassment-free. Some will provide you with the quick fix you’re looking for, but others will take more practice and implementation in your daily life in order to get it just right. As with every other skill, getting rid of embarrassment requires you to put forth real, conscious effort. Now that my little forewarning is over, don’t worry about it. I’ll try and make these steps as clear and concise as possible:

1. Reflect on your embarrassing moments

Look back on your life and revisit your most embarrassing moments; the best (or worst) ones you can imagine. Remember how each moment made you feel, both before and after it happened. What were you in the process of doing before you were so rudely interrupted?

Then remember what happened the day after your embarrassing moment. Did anybody really remember it? If so, do you still feel hurt by it, or do you not care as much as you thought you did?

2. Come to terms with these moments

Another great way to beat embarrassment is to come to terms with those moments you’ve had in the past. The best way to do this is by sharing them with someone you trust. The blunders that I shared above (stuttering during a speech, tripping on my shoelace, and walking smack dab into a tree branch) are all things that have happened to me in the past. And while I do this in the form of a blog post, you can share your embarrassing stories in your own way. A story, a song, a poem, or another piece of artwork is fine, as long as you let it out.

Remember, life goes on and so should you.

3. In your moment of embarrassment, focus elsewhere

A great technique I’ve found to be useful is to simply concentrate on something else. Just this afternoon, I tripped up the stairs (how convenient for this blog post, right?). Instead of lamenting my little blunder, I gave a little chuckle, looked straight ahead, and kept going. What I focused on in that instant was where I was headed, but there are a near limitless amount of things you can place your focus on. Focusing on your breathing, or remembering a time when somebody else got embarrassed are good ones to use.

4. Embarrass yourself on purpose

This is one of the more advanced techniques I mentioned earlier. To intentionally put yourself in awkward situations requires a great amount of confidence, but is always rewarding once the moment is over. At first, it is a bit daunting (you’re being made a spectacle, I understand), but soon you’ll be well on your way to feeling absolutely confident no matter what embarrassing moment rears it head. Ready the yellow wet floor signs and untie those shoes. You haven’t got a moment to lose.

5. Ignore the moment until it passes

Put your mind at ease. Sure, everyone might be pointing and laughing. Maybe your speech got derailed for a bit. You may possibly be a bit bruised and red in the face. However, the most powerful thing you can do is to just blaze through it. As far as you know, you didn’t mess up. Did you trip and fall? That’s funny. You didn’t feel a thing.

6. Prevent the embarrassment before it happens

As the saying goes, “prevention is better than a cure”. Those words or wisdom still apply, as it is best to be prepared before a moment trips you up like walking across a wet floor with untied shoes. Watch where you’re going. Prepare for your interview. Bring money before you go to the store. Carry an extra shirt when you eat BBQ ribs and hot wings. And don’t forget to tie those laces. An embarrassment-free day is upon us now.

7. Accept yourself, embarrassing moments and all

Maybe you’re like me: just a weird person who can’t help but do potentially embarrassing things. Maybe you like screaming when you’re supposed to be quiet or adore going into a business conference cold turkey with a high probability of blowing it.

Join the club.

There’s something about someone who wants to get rid of embarrassment by trying these techniques. They must want to improve their lives and become more confident. But it’s another matter entirely when someone tries and succeeds in these tips and realizes that we are who we are.

To throw everything out of the window, and to accept yourself as unique and as something special: that is the moment when the embarrassment is truly gone.

photo credit: quinn.anya

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

One Year to Live a Legacy

John Anyasor — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:17:17 +0000

A young man who went by the name of James Dean once said that you must “dream as if you’ll live forever”, and “live as if you’ll die today”. I agree with the first half, in that our capacity to dream is literally boundless. It won’t cost you much to dream that you have incredible superpowers while taking a quick nap.

But unless you really are going to “die today”, we can’t really live everyday as if they’re our last — at least, not in the literal sense. If today was my last day, I probably wouldn’t travel anywhere far; by the time I get to any country across the Atlantic Ocean, I’ll have already wasted it.

Instead, I’d probably give everything I own away. But since it wouldn’t really be my last day, I’d wake up the next morning with nothing to my name. Realistically speaking, living everyday as if it’s your last is just isn’t that doable.

It’s time to get practical. If we can’t live our days as if they’re our last, how are we supposed to live them?

A new metric to live by

This is why I propose to do something different: we must live as if we will die at the end of this year.

Before you jump to conclusions, hear me out.

Imagine you have one year left to live on this planet. Envision that your time will come to an end the very moment the clock strikes 12:01 am on January 1st, 2011. What would you do?

Would you go on living a life of sameness? Continue talking to the same people, succumbing to the same fears, and walking the same paths?

Or, rather, would you live as if you really will die by the year’s end? Actually immerse yourself in a different culture, start a business that makes a difference, and listen to the voice in the back of your head that’s been long ignored?

This is the year to make things happen. This is your year to make your dreams real and to live your life as a legacy.

It doesn’t have to be January 1 in order for you to begin to make changes in your life. As with every important transition that you want to make, the best time to start is now.

1. The end you choose must be remarkable

Before you get to work, it’s always important to pick a specific end. And not just any end. Any regular person can “make more money” or “be more confident”. Do you know why? Because these ends are vague and ambiguous.

Ambiguity cannot be measured; therefore, ends with this trait should be avoided.

You should be keeping in mind that you have a whole year to do something amazing and unforgettable (even if you’re starting right this second, you have six whole months).

Don’t make excuses. Don’t wait for permission. You have time to make the biggest splash you want; I recommend you go big or go home.

2. Everyday is to be spend working towards that end

I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine; literally, not a single day goes by that I don’t think of my end. My ultimate goal is aflame in my mind everyday of my life. It should be the same for you.

The end that you are passionate in making real must be worked towards each day. Mark something down for the day so that when you go to bed, you’ll be able to say, “This was the one thing that I wanted to get done in support of my end today, and I did it.”

At least an hour per day should be invested towards your remarkable end.

3. Take on a new challenge exactly when your end is complete

The one year time limit is arbitrary. You don’t have to finish in exactly one year. Depending on what you’ve chosen to undertake, you could finish in either a few months or even a little over a year. Regardless, you should always aim for the one year mark.

Hypothetically, you are to die by the end of this year, right? Don’t fool around with time.

That being said, if you do complete your legacy far earlier than you expected, feel free to take up another end to strive towards. You can always do more to make your “last days” more memorable.

The reason to live a legacy

Some of you may be asking yourselves, “Why should I spend a year doing this when can just move along just like I’ve always been, eventually reaching my goal someday?”

Or, “I know that I can do amazing things, but why only a year? I need more time.”

What arises from these questions is, again, a problem of ambiguity. These words (“eventually” and “more time”) only inhibit certainty. You must be firm and clear if you want to get amazing things accomplished?

If someone were to ask you, “If not now, when?” respond with clarity instead of confusion.

Don’t wait to commence your legacy. Start this very moment. If nothing else, take heed to the message within these words of wisdom:

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” –Seth Godin

photo credit: Schristia

If you liked this message, please share this across the web. Also, consider opting to receive free updates via RSS or EMAIL.

No Related Posts

Your Life’s Purpose

John Anyasor — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 05:52:02 +0000

The goal is to be content. Your ultimate end in life — you know, that vision for yourself you always think about in the back of your mind — shouldn’t have to involve eventually riding on million-dollar yachts, spending numerous weekends at the Hamptons, and buying stylish clothes or high tech electronics.

Marrying a nice girl or boy, having kids, getting a tricked out van to stuff them all into, buying the perfect house, reaching your “dream income”, drilling every piece of information (enjoyable or not) into your children to be future leaders of the world, having a laundry list of accomplishments to insert into casual conversation amongst your colleagues (you know you love hearing the “oh my’s” and the “amazing’s”), just to name a few more …

I admit, those things would be nice to experience in moderation. Even now, they sound pretty easy on the ears.

You think I don’t like it when people praise me for my accomplishments? I eat it up. To be humble is the best part:

“No, no, it’s not a big deal, really. I just happened to save 1,000,000 starving children in [insert third world country] with a donation from the John Chukwuma Anyasor fund. No big.”

But the things that give us such fleeting pleasure aren’t everything.

Your happiness shouldn’t have to come from material things and menial feats that merely serve to validate and skyrocket your social status. They should come from experiences made for yourself and/or with other people.

I’m not saying you have to help anybody in a big way. If that’s your goal, that’s okay, but don’t feel pressured into changing the world. All that matters is that you feel strongly about something and share it with however many people you want.

Make clothes for the poor, if that’s what you enjoy doing.

Sing a song for all to hear, if your heart wills it.

Or write poetry and keep it to yourself; for your eyes only.

It doesn’t matter what you do in this world, as long as you do what makes you the happiest. And I can guarantee that you won’t find happiness in buying brands and other depreciating products.

The flip side

Let’s say that you brazenly ignore my advice. You instead choose the conventional over the adventurous.

Let’s say that you get every thing that you’ve ever wanted (a big car, house, trophy wife/husband, your name in lights). I’m sure you’ll feel happy in the moment. Whenever I get called on for being great or receive a gift from somebody else, I get really happy.

But afterwards, long after you’ve gotten your recognition, gotten that one thing (or those things) that you’ve always wanted… the feeling fades. It begins to mean less and less to you. And it doesn’t even matter because maybe your house is getting a little old. The neighbor’s kids got higher marks on their standardized tests. Your one-use gown is SO last season.

You have to keep accruing more. More and more accomplishments are to be achieved and bought. It’s never enough.

Then the time will come when you decide that you either just don’t care anymore or you’ll keep accruing until the day you die. The result of the latter option seems fairly obvious; simply consumption to extinction.

But what about the former?

When you choose to stop buying what you don’t really need or want, what will you have left to fall back on? So many years will have been wasted investing time and energy to make money just so you can buy back more time and more energy to make more money.

Regardless, this choice is not hopeless. In time you will make your way back to what you’ve always wanted to do. If you got paid for this hobby, whatever it is, you would do it all day long.

In the end, your life’s purpose is your own

Ideally, everyone would live life simply to be content with ourselves and the memories we make with others. But in a world like ours, where money, fame, and status are held to higher regards than simply living well, it’s not always easy.

Nearly everyone I know is raised to “achieve”, which typically means getting most of the things that I mentioned earlier before a certain age. With family and social pressures closing in around you from all sides, how can you possibly live a life your own?

Simple. You must choose to. However way you get to that life lies on your shoulders.
photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

HiLife2B » Personal Development

How to Be Your Best Self – 101 Maxims: Free E-Book

Related Posts:

A Test of Controlling Your Emotions

Related Posts:

Be More Than the Average Person

Related Posts:

Life is the Greatest Teacher

Related Posts:

Get in the Habit of Speaking in the Present Tense

Use present choice to do what matters now

Related Posts:

The Truth Behind Doing Work You Love

A wake-up call already woken up to

The truth behind doing what you love

Related Posts:

Be Your Best Self

Related Posts:

7 Steps to Getting Rid of Embarrassment Once and For All

Related Posts:

One Year to Live a Legacy

Related Posts:

Your Life’s Purpose

The flip side

In the end, your life’s purpose is your own

Related Posts: