“An individual’s self-concept is the core of his personality. It affects every aspect of human behavior: the ability to learn, the capacity to grow and change. A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
As human beings, we constantly seek to improve ourselves physically and mentally through activities like personal development, exercise, studying, and inventing.
In this journey of self-actualization we call life, there are plenty of skills and personality traits we wish to acquire that others already have. Some of us want the charisma that James Bond exudes. Others desire the confidence to be able to become a public speaker. A fair amount of us would like to be thought of as the “funny guy/girl” in our circle of friends.
We want all of these things, but usually never put in the effort to obtain them.
Personality evolves naturally – through the effects of the environment, who you move with, and what you’re goals are, you shape your identity. And this happens over a long period of time. Most of us have had the same personality since our toddler years; still shy upon first encounters, still amazed when things blow up, still afraid when going on stage.
Now we may not be able to completely remove the traits that block us from going on stage or being funny… but we can augment them.
Personalities (like our bodies) are malleable in the sense that through practice and training, we can fix them to better serve us.
But how can you take personality traits and embody them so well that they become apart of you?
Here’s how:
Pick a subject and study them
Choose someone that you want to emulate personality-wise, and start observing them. Body language, attitude, attire: it’s all applicable. Learn things about them that could further your personality transformation. I advise you to ask someone you know that has a trait you want to cultivate and start from there. What kinds of books do they read? What are their likes and dislikes? Notice the way they carry themselves. For example, observe that a public speaker doesn’t slouch when he speaks with an audience. His shoulders are back and his chest are out. He doesn’t stand as rigid as a rock, he moves his hands with his body when he brings up various topics.
Apply what you’ve learned about them
Now that you’ve got the information you need, you have all the parts necessary to bring out your toolbox and start customizing. Of course, that was just the easy part (as anyone can simply observe a person). The real challenge is the ‘changing’. This is the part where you’re going to have to act like your ideal self based upon what you’ve learned. At first it will seem a little weird (change always feels awkward at first). But in time you’ll get used to the new you. If want to gain confidence, you must participate in acts that normally scare the crap out of you. Again with regards to the public speaking example, you should join a club or group that involves lots of improv and speech-making.
You’ll know the trait is yours when the time’s right
This what I call your ‘moment of epiphany’. There will times when you think you have all the right moves, but your personality adjustment still won’t click. It’ll seem hopeless. But then something changes in your mind. You’ll get up on stage after bombing for the hundredth time – and everything will fall into place. You’ll be the most confident person on the planet and nothing can make you feel anything less.
Some people aren’t happy with the way they act, but are too afraid to change. They think it’s too late or maybe they just don’t think they can do it. There’s nothing wrong with improving yourself. Just don’t to pretend to be somebody you’re not. Incorporate parts of the person you want to become, but don’t change what makes you who you are.
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photo credit: Terinea IT Support
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18 comments to “How to Construct Your Ideal Personality”
Well to get a start you can emulate someone but for the longer perspective you need to be yourself- something “original”.
“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” – John Mason
You have mentioned great tips but for me I would like to follow some good personalities of the world.
Brilliant post! It’s so important to realize that we have the power to become what we want to become. For so long I thought to myself, “I’m just a negative person,” but I realize now that I have the ability to seize control of my personality and be the person I want to be.
Excellent post. I have worked with a Life Coach for quite some time, While I haven’t completely been able to emulate his lifestyle, I’ve learned so much from him and you’ve given an excellent break down of how do really take things to the next level. I think the phrase “It’s no longer something you do, it’s just you are” is appropriate for this.
Nice article. You are right, most of us know what it takes to make changes in our lives, we just lack the confidence and consistency to actually make the change.
I think it is easy to forget we are actually capable of shaping and improving our personalities. Often times it seems we buy into the belief that you are who you are and as a result we put false limits on our ability to grow and develop. How many times have we heard that “people” don’t change and believe that to be a truism. Similar to how we set out and actually accomplish other things in life, we actually can shape and mold ourselves into what we want to be. We just have to focus on it, understand it is possible and put our efforts behind changing. Thanks for the post and the reminder that this should always be top of mind.
Really great post. I find that once we realize who and what we want to be, we tend to surround ourselves with like-minded people. This is the fastest way to become our ideal self.
@Pax I think you’re missing the point. It’s to improve upon you’re already impressive self image. It doesn’t hurt to learn a new skill or talent.
@Sharma Thanks for your input. We should learn from everyone’s personalities.
@Dani Exactly! That’s where I was getting at. You can be anyone you want, you just have to have the confidence and perseverance to change yourself. Oh yes, Happy Birthday!
@Srinivas I’m glad you’re learning from someone who is willing to teach you. I wish you all the success in the world for your ideal self and lifestyle.
@Dana Hey Dana, it’s nice to read your viewpoint. It’s never easy to change, but once we do, the rewards become worth the effort.
@alternaview Really great thoughts here. Most of us think that we’re stuck as who we are and that we can’t change that. Lots of quotes regarding “You can’t teach an old dog, new tricks” mentality discourage us from even trying. But with a lot of belief and a lot of comment, we can be who we want to be and live how we want to live.
@Ibrahim Nice to see you here Ibrahim. Hope your learning on your recently evolved journey and I also hope the book turns out be successful.
I really agree with one point. We often wish to evolve to a certain level but do not desire to put forth the effort required.
That’s why I try to focus on things that I truly love to do and try to separate when I am just fantasizing and when I really mean it.. Putting forth great effort for something that I really enjoy doesn’t even register as something difficult.
I haven’t met one person yet who is 100% completely happy with how they are – whether it be physical appearance or personality wise…
This is a great reminder that we can be the person we want to be with some hard work and change of mind set.
Love the post, John! K
Great article, I completely agree to study someone else and apply what you learnt. Nice blog by the way.
Oscar
Great post!
“Just don’t pretend to be somebody you’re not. Incorporate parts of the person you want to become, but don’t change what makes you who you are.”
That’s the best line of this post – we all have it in us to become the person we want to become but it’s just like anything else. It takes practice, discipline, and accountability. It also has to be a GENUINE change, not just masking what’s underneath Looking forward to more posts.
Paul
John,
First I need to congratulate you on your titles and photos. They’re always amazing.
Next this is exactly what I did. I found people to emulate. That’s why it’s so important to choose wise, happy, and intelligent people to be around.
You are who you hang out with. I learned and transformed with many mentors.
Our self concept controls how we act, what we think and how we behave. If you want to change how you behave, then changing your self concept is essential. Instead of seeing yourself inside your mind as insecure, angry, confused and shy.
Allow yourself to embrace the possibility of begin confident with a positive attitude. Don’t let your negative thoughts consume your mind with negativity. Instead of learn how to think positive.
@Bakari Nice thoughts. If you really want change you must work hard to get it. Improve yourself, learn from your mistakes and keep going. I’m glad you’re doing stuff that you love. Nice.
@Kirsty You’re right Kirsty. There is not one person in the world who is “perfect” no matter how much we may think there is. Constantly improve yourself, not just through word of mouth, but action of hand. Thanks for your insights.
@Oscar Hey Oscar, nice to see you here. Glad you liked my article
@Paul Hey Paul! Thanks for coming. It’s awesome that you’ve gotten the full picture of this advice. If you must change, do it with everything you’ve got and leave no stone unturned. Hope to see you around the blog!
@Tess Oh stop with your praise ha ha
Birds of a feather flock together (as the saying goes). Once you surround yourself with them, you become them. Thanks so much for your kind input.
@Jonathan Hey Jonathan. You’re blog is looking much nicer than before (I see you’ve made progress). Congrats on that.
Thinking, wishing, believing – it’s all in the mind. It is your most powerful muscle (in terms of control) so use it to your advantage, not to your demise. Great thoughts.
Applying what we’ve learned is definitely the most difficult part of life. Especially when one is used to a certain way of doing things. But by putting the effort in and constantly reminding yourself, great changes are a comin’
Changes sometimes feels too “real” for some people. “Can I really do that?” they think. What they should be thinking is “Hey, I can do that!” and put the effort in to bring the change. Very nice input, Ken.