Hmmm… two decades already. Reading such a phrase really makes you think when you consider that the average life span of a human being is somewhere around 7 and 8 decades.
I’ve come to the point where I’m beginning to accept that I can control what course my life takes. When I was much younger and said the same thing, there was a big part of my subconscious that always doubted this belief. I could always say I’d be whatever I wanted, but I never completely believed it.
I figured life always had a consistent pattern of playing out:
- Reach for the stars
- Fail miserably, completely demoralized
- Accept reality by getting a full-time job
- Climb the corporate ladder
- Midway through the ascension, get girlfriend I meet at work
- When I finally get promoted, we get married
- Have kids so they can play out the same boring cycle
I see now that it doesn’t have to be this way. And while this way of living certainly isn’t bad (millions of people live it everyday, whether they chose it or not) I just can’t do it. I believe there’s so much more out there than staying in the same space my whole life i.e. Illinois.
At my age, when it should be all about having girlfriends, going to class, and “living the college life”, I find myself more focused on learning languages, profitable online ventures, lifestyle design, blogging, and traveling. I guess you could say that I’m “growing up”, but I find that so funny. I still feel like the same person I was when I was 15, 10, or even 5. Time has just been this long line of trial and error, life experience, and discovery that I’ve been going through.
I may not be a fully-fledged adult (I think that comes when you’re 21) but I can feel the transition already. I can revisit all the things I enjoyed as kids and easily forget them or leave them behind. They’re still dear to my heart, but I can tell my enthusiasm for them has waned. For instance, I can still remember when I drank 7up as a child. For years it solidified itself in my mind as “the best soda ever”. Then, all of a sudden, my obsession just halted. If I see 7up on shelves today, I apathy ensues as I reach for plain water. “Soda’s not good for me”, I think to myself.
Television used to be all that I experienced, growing up. Whenever a Saturday morning marathon hit, I’d be overjoyed. These days, television (or TV shows for that matter) rarely cross my mind. Whenever I watch a show (besides Seinfeld, King of the Hill, or The Simpsons) I think of how much time I’ve wasted staring at a box. As soon as I had turned it on, the TV goes off, and I leave restless, wondering what my time can be better spent on.
Did I ever truly enjoy these things, or were they just things to fill up my life? More than half of my life seems to be just filler material. Even now, in the stage between young innocence and corporate responsibility, it feels like time is moving at a snail’s pace. My life is being filled with busy work. Everyday is constant preparation. For years, from infancy, on to K-12, even now, I’m preparing. Preparing for what, exactly? I don’t know. Nobody can give me a sufficient answer. While my life is being wasted away, I’m stuck preparing.
Oh, wait…everyone goes through the same thing.
Everyone, in general, undergoes the same waiting period, the same preparation, the same length of time. Is my experience truly different from the rest, or is this the same pain the rest of you felt? It is easy to think I’m unique, to feel as if my life is completely different, but in reality, there’s nothing in my life that hasn’t been felt by somebody else.
Here…now…writing about living two decades when there are those who’ve lived over twice as long – is this significant? Maybe not – I don’t know what impact I’m making. But at my age, you don’t fully understand how much ground you’ve covered until you’ve forgotten where you’ve come from. I keep moving forward without taking a breath to reflect on the past at my back.
When I do look back, I think, “Man, what a journey it’s been. No amazing travel stories yet, but they’ll come.”
So, as this year draws to a close, and we reflect on how old we used to be and how old we’ve become, ask yourself: “Is what I’m trying to do really all that difficult?” And if you still feel that way, answer me this: Is what you’re trying to do the first of its kind?
“Aging is very easy. Growing up is very hard.”
photo credit: kevindooley
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31 comments to “What Life Feels Like at Almost Two Decades Old”
I love your attitude! I wish I was where you are now eleven years ago when I was reaching the double decade mark.
Ummm, aging isn’t always easy either!
Carla´s last blog ..2009 at Green and Chic
Thanks Carla
Yeah, I guess knowing this stuff about life is good, but as far as I’m considered, I’m just writing what everybody already knows (or at least will know).
Aging is the one of the most natural things our bodies do. Growing up takes self-reflection, patience, and time.
” I can revisit all the things I enjoyed as kids and easily forget them or leave them behind. They’re still dear to my heart, but I can tell my enthusiasm for them has waned. For instance, I can still remember when I drank 7up as a child. For years it solidified itself in my mind as “the best soda ever”. Then, all of a sudden, my obsession just halted. If I see 7up on shelves today, I apathy ensues as I reach for plain water. “Soda’s not good for me”, I think to myself.”
You were a 7-up kid? I was a dr. pepper kid. Dr. Pepper turned into sprite. Sprite, hot cheetos, snickers and chick o sticks did it for me.
I used to love fried chicken. At times, I think I still do. I still love the smell. Maybe the temptation is still there since I’ve only converted to becoming vegetarian about six months ago.
I thought it would be the hardest thing in the world to give up. I mean, I was able to gulp down an 8-piece by myself, in one sitting, like a bag of cheetos. But when I do find myself yearning for it, it’s only because I’m hungry so I hurry up and eat something.
It’s the same way with tv. The tv in my apartment has two purposes: to hook-up the dvd player to, whenever I want to watch a movie-which is very few and far between, funny, because I want to become an actor-or whenever I want to play my wii. My wii time isn’t exactly what it would be if I was still in my teens.
Of course,I still keep some of the old parts of me. Like playing video games, I can’t and don’t want to let that child inside of me die, just the destructive and useless parts.
Is what I’m trying to do the first of it’s kind? Of course not. It helps to remember that whenever we’re in a tough situation
Wow, quite a long comment you’ve got here, Robert
I agree with what you’ve said here. Giving up things you’ve held dear kind of hurts. You don’t want to let it go, but it’s time to move on.
It’s unfortunate, but again, that’s life…
Hope you really do become an actor – can’t let it be just an intention forever.
I wish that I had been half as wise at your age as you are now. I’m a full decade and a half older than you, and just now reaching the same conclusions. Congratulations!
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..A Christmas Story
ha ha thanks for the compliment, Jay, but do you really think so? As with everything, having any sort of knowledge comes with a price. A lot of silent introspection. It takes a lot to think (sounds dumb but it’s true).
Hey, John,
Yeah, your experience is pretty much normal. I’m 27 and still feel like a lost kid sometimes. I’m beginning to realize that that’s just the way life unfolds.
Also, I think a lot of people tend to spend a good portion of their lives waiting or preparing for something. Whether it be retirement, graduation, a new job, a promotion, marriage, or anything in between. There comes a point when (hopefully) most people realize that you can’t wait forever and you have to stop waiting to “become something else.”
The only way to get what you’ve been preparing for is to simply step into it. You might not have all the details worked out, but you just need to take that first cautious step and trust that you can figure everything else out as you go.
Hope you have a great New Years!
-Clayton
Clayton´s last blog ..Website Building Update – Week 17
Thanks for letting me know that this phase is going to last forever ha ha
. I’m kidding, but you make great points. I expect nothing less from one who has already taken action (seen your website, congrats 
)
We’ve just got to step right into it.
Thanks, Clayton and yeah have a good one
Dear, dear John – We are all preparing and nobody knows for what! I am 62 – aging isn’t easy. I read how you don’t feel older – neither do I! I cannot believe my age!! I relate to it as a number only – worthless as a description of who I really am.
You have a whole world of opportunities ahead of you – enjoy them all. Prepare for whatever you can, but I’ll tell you right now, some of the neatest things that will ever happen to you, you won’t have the least preparation for – no matter tho!
Life’s really a hoot, John! I wish you all the best!
Hugs
suZen
suzen´s last blog ..Carrots, Eggs & Coffee Beans – A Recipe for Thought
Suzen, you are living proof that age is just a number
You’re always ready with upbeat and kind words – if you didn’t already say so, I’d say you’re the same age as me.
*Hugs back* thank you so much for sharing your life and wisdom with us.
In my twenties I felt like I was going to live forever. Middle age, retirement and age related physical deterioration were so far away I thought they would never happen to me.
Unfortunately, age does catch up. At 40, I am still exactly the same person on the inside (hopefully a little wiser) so it is strange to think of myself as being middle-age.
I still like to go to rock concerts, play guitar, travel, run and I just sold my business so I am soon to be unemployed. Only my body seems to be getting older.
If I were in my twenties now, I would probably work harder, save more money and try to become an expert in one field. I played to much and it took me about a decade to catch up. Opportunities are endless if you can focus on one thing and work hard at it.
John Bardos – JetSetCitizen´s last blog ..The Fastest, Easiest and Cheapest Way to Reset Your Life in a New Country
Hey John, it’s been awhile
I felt that way (invincible, powerful, out of control due to raging hormones
) right now. It’s kind of a shock to know that one day I’ll be seen as old/middle aged. It seems so far away.
This is really invaluable knowledge you’re giving here. Thanks because I’m actually playing a lot less than people my age are. Thank you for reaffirming my convictions.
My mother at 80 still claimed to feel 18… and I believed her. She never really grew up… and managed to keep her childish impulsiveness right up to the end.
Age is just a number… and if you look after your health there is no good reason why you have to grow “old”. Far more fun to grow “better” and that’s exactly what I have been working toward in the decades I have been on this planet.
With a bit of luck I will stay as young as my mom… and go out with my heart on fire and my wheels still spinning…
That’s the plan anyway… LOL
Jean
Jean Burman´s last blog ..Merry Christmas
Simply amazing
I guess it’s okay to feel the same after all. I thought that people fundamentally changed as they got older. It’s been boggling me until now.
No worries, that plan will become reality. I wish you all the best Jean
The idea is not what you’re preparing for, but it’s realizing that the preparation itself is as valuable as the goals you have or have yet to determine for yourself.
A good friend of mine recently told me that he would have to stop traveling overseas during the summers because it was just too much for his body to handle. I nearly whacked him in the face. He’s only 32!
Age has nothing to do with anything. It’s all about the mindset you choose to have.
Earl´s last blog ..A Decade of Wandering Ends, Another One Begins (Part 1)
Great thoughts on this one. The preparation is just as valuable as the goals you seek to achieve.
Your friend doesn’t know how lucky he is. Some of us are itching to be in his shoes and he claims his body’s too stressed. lol use it while you can my friend.
From now on, age is just a number: I see that now
When you travel all over the world, will you come to Bolivia?
lol Sure Isabelle. I’ll definitely come
It’s interesting that you consider 21 a full fledged adult
. I think you’re very self aware for somebody so young. Remember that that many paths you think you’re going to follow will change along the way. I originally anticipated a 3 month world tour after graduating bschool and coming back to a job with high signing bonus. But I had to make adjustments and go with the flow. As they all say “It’ not about what happens, but how you react to what happens.”
Srinivas Rao´s last blog ..Guest Post: Working without getting paid
ha ha I just consider 21 adult because it’s the legal age in the US. You’re spot on with your thoughts on preparation. You may not get the desired results, but all you have to do is react accordingly. Thanks Srinivas
I too feel like the same person I was when I was five. Age is only a number and we are nothing but big children.
Yes, boo… you should be preparing, but we are always preparing. The trick is to enjoy experiences at all times… prepare… enjoy more experiences… prepare… and more experiences. We will never arrive. Life is the journey. The destination is death.
“Aging is very easy. Growing up is very hard.” –”touché”
Gerlaine´s last blog ..Notable Quote | Building Ability
Ha ha, yeah we’re all a bunch of kids when you think about it.
Life is the journey and the destination is death. Wow, this quote really speaks volumes. Better get this one copyrighted
Thanks for your insights, Gerlaine.
Hi John, welcome to the beginning of the of a process that never stops. Life expands before us as we move through time and space, only change is constant. Hang on, because awareness totally changes the experience.
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Goal Setting or Wishful Thinking?
Hey Jonathan, you’ve got really deep insight on this topic. Change is the only consistency in life – great stuff
Now that I’m aware, I’ll on the lookout for what life throws my way. Thanks for the heads up.
You are wise beyond your two decades of life. Love your gracious attitude. It is so refreshing. You are paving the way for a fantastic next few decades. Enjoy.
BTW, TV is for spectators only. Doesn’t sound like you are content to stand by and watch.
Have a blessed and fantastic 2010.
Erin! Had a good holiday?
Once again, you give me too much credit. Life is my teacher and nothing more
I just hope I’m on the right track. And yes, television doesn’t interest me as much as it did in my younger years. I want more than just to be amazed about what I see, I want to be amazing.
You have wonderful 2010. I can see the future and it’s sure to be a bright one.
“Did I ever truly enjoy these things, or were they just things to fill up my life? More than half of my life seems to be just filler material.”
This is a great thing for me to ponder as 2009 ends.
I think you’re wise for attending college and learning the Internet Marketing thing at the same time. It would be interesting to know what percentage of college kids are doing that. Your at the cutting edge.
Oh and there wasn’t an attachment on your email for your article. Please resend.
As my life goes on, I’ve been focusing more on doing the things that I enjoy and doing what is necessary, instead of just filling my life with needless interests that don’t do anything for me.
Tess, I don’t want to get a swelled head!
But I really thank you for everything. Your encouraging words, and well-informed wisdom really has taught me to be a bit bolder than I normally would.
lol yeah, don’t worry I just resent it. Happy Early New Years!