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Time is our most precious resource. Everything that happens in the world revolves around it. We do everything we can to reclaim it. It’s one of the many things we wish we could control.
We grow, we age, we die. After that, life starts all over again.
Yet even after knowing this (that our time is limited) we still hesitate in the face of what we truly want. When we’re presented with an opportunity to shine or to attain something, we act like if we mess up this time, it’s over. So instead of trying and actually attempting to take a chance, we let opportunities pass us by. I used to be a prime example of this.
Speaking aloud in class was intimidating for me. It would make my brain literally freeze up. Whenever I was called on to answer a question, I’d try and play it off in a funny way (Ha, ha, ha I wouldn’t know the answer. Why call on me?).
You could say that I was just afraid of being wrong, or maybe I was just shy. But that actually wasn’t the case.
The reason we hesitate
So why do we hesitate to grab opportunities as we see them?
Why is it that people have business ideas that they know will be good, and still don’t take it? Why is it that people know they have talent, but they don’t try and share it with others? Why is it that people know they can do more, but settle for less?
In truth, it’s simply because we don’t believe that we’ll be right. We don’t expect the opportunity will work out for us. We place too much importance on the outcome.
A majority of the times I was called on in class, I knew I was right. I knew I could answer the questions – I just didn’t expect things to work out.
So I’ve complied two tips that are incremental in grabbing opportunities as they come:
Practice the art of insignificance
Stop putting importance on trivial aspects surrounding an opportunity you may be presented with. Questions you ask yourself like “Is this really possible?” and “Will it work?” only serve to waste time and ultimately hurt you in the long run. Instead, believe that what you’re faced with isn’t a big deal. Whether you achieve it now or later doesn’t matter. All you know is that you will achieve it.
Picture yourself not getting it
Visualization is a powerful technique in grabbing missed opportunities. But have you ever tried visualizing your failure and acting in spite of it? It’s really astonishing how effective this is. If you try and fail, hey, you knew it would happen anyway. But if you try and succeed, you get that ‘wow’ feeling. You’ll probably think to yourself, “Hmm, maybe I can do this…”
Life goes on, and so will you
I’m sure that you have plenty of regrets for not taking opportunities that presented themselves to you:
- not taking that business deal
- not taking your son/daughter to that modeling gig
- not taking that day off
- not cheering up your friend who may be down
You may have let some opportunities slip (and that’s okay), but don’t let that happen again.
If you’re not going after something you desire with all your heart, something is wrong with you. Stop hesitating. Feel the fear and act anyways. Place importance on the act of trying and not the outcome.
Life is more generous than we make it out to be. There are opportunities everywhere. All you have to do is start taking them.
“Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them.” – Orison Swett Marden
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Looking back at my college days, I was just like you; terrified to raise my hand and answer a question, or to even participate in the discussion because I was scared of saying something stupid. Then I quickly regretted my action because someone else was thinking the same thing I was thinking, but they had the guts to say it aloud. I agree that we focus too much on the outcome rather than just simply doing what we feel is right. People tend to do this with a lot of things, the kind of car they buy, the type of clothes they wear, the amount of exercise they do, what they eat, etc. We focus on the future rather than the present and what feels good to us at that moment. By acting this way, we certainly miss out and waste a lot of time. Like you said, life goes on, and so will us. At least we can say that we did something, just in case an opportunity aroused from it.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Darren Sproat and John Anyasor, Gina @ JMP. Gina @ JMP said: Grab missed opportunities http://bit.ly/1gyIbZ [...]
Hey John. Nice post man.
Like Patrice, I was scared of raising my hand too. High five! We 3 have something in common! (Sorry it’s 2:13 AM here).
I think the more you do it, the more confidence you have. Like you said, the less significance we put on the outcome, the easier it is to express our views.
Thanks for this sharing this with us as I do think it will lead people to seize more opportunities in life.
I used to be really shy in class myself. When I went back to grad school, things were totally different and you couldn’t shut me up in class.
Your advice is spot on. It’s exactly how I beat shyness.
One thing that’s fun to try is intentionally giving the wrong answer in class. It takes some courage, but if your answer is bad enough you’ll get some laughs and everyone will think you’re just joking.
Hey John,
This post was really helpful to me! I am one of those people, I regret to say it, that holds back in classes and it’s the fear of being wrong that I need to overcome! I’m taking small steps such as forcing myself to get at least one comment or question into each class, which is helping but it’s still difficult. Did you push through that stage in your student career, when you were able to speak out without fear of being wrong?
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by darrensproat: Grab Missed Opportunities By Not Caring About the Outcome http://bit.ly/3kSOF3 (via @CJAnyasor)…
John, as you know so well, people stare at me every minute of every day because of my tics. There are two choices: be confident and live my life, or cry in my bed.
We can’t learn confidence too soon. We’re not made of glass and we won’t shatter when things go wrong most of the time.
Confidence, as long as it doesn’t bleed over into arrogance and delusions, has no downside.
Great post, buddy.
I was like wood when speaking. I am a lot more comfortable with it all now…Though sill hesitant with video and podcast..
For me, not so much being right as wanting to clearly communicate to myself and then to others, what I understand of something, how it is relevant to daily life and how to measure trends within a topic.
@Patrice – Exactly, Patrice! We’ve all had experiences such as these before. We’re just so hesitant about missing opportunities (should I, or should I not?). We just have to go for it and believe that things will turn out fine.
Have that mantra, “Life goes on”, and the rest will just fall into place.
Thanks for your thoughts, Patrice!
@Tristan – It’s nothing Tristan
I’m actually replying to these comments at 12 in the morning. I’m a bit tired myself. And yeah, I’m think the majority of us have been shy at one point 
We just have to keep trying until we start seeing results. Don’t expect to succeed the first, third, or even tenth time. Just keep moving forward until you can finally grasp what you’ve been wanting for the longest time.
Thanks for your insights!
@Clayton – Yeah, man you’re exactly right. Having the courage to intentionally be wrong (when you know you’re wrong) will do wonders for your confidence. It helps you not care so much about the result. You can say the wrong answer and everything will be fine.
Great stuff, Clayton. Thanks for your comment
@Brittany – Hey Brittany, welcome back! I’m still in college (2nd year) so I’m still in the process of getting past the hesitation. But these tips have done wonders for me. My social sciences class is really open-forum/discussion based and I remember talking for at least every ten minutes last time.
You can do this too, Brittany. Just try it and tell me how it went.
@Josh – I can’t picture you crying your bed, Josh – except in a fairly comedic fashion
Of course, you’re right, confidence does take time. It takes time and effort to refine. And when things go wrong, we learn from them and become stronger.
Stay confident, Josh!
@Char – I believe you’ll one day make the transition to video and podcast. Try it for the first time and ask someone you trust to tell you what you need to improve on. The first time will never be perfect, so be open to any and all criticisms. Try it again keeping in mind your good friend’s advice, plop it on the net, and Voila! Your first video post!
I’m sure people will understand what you’re saying – just try your best every time, and the results you seek will follow.
Hi John! This was another great post!! Well done. I especially love the part: “Place importance on the act of trying and not the outcome”….
Could I quote you on that? It really reasonated with me, thank you!
Kirsty
Great post John. I think it is often just getting ourselves out of the way isn’t it! The more we push our boundaries, the more it seems normal. It often makes me laugh, how ridiculous my negative thoughts are vs reality.
Thanks John!
Jen
John,
Great stuff! Especially this idea of placing too much importance on the outcome. If we get wrapped up in a belief that the outcome is the end all, be all – then we may never get anywhere. Maybe if we saw the outcome as just a step along the journey, it’s different – that on that journey our paths can go different ways – and that’s okay.
Very inspiring post. I was also one to hold back in class. I didn’t really open up unitl the end of my college experience. By then, I was already working full time in my career, and perhaps had more confidence. It wasn’t just that though, I think some of the “importance” I associated with college had worn off, and I was more able to just go and have fun.
Brilliant message John! Since following a lot of what Wayne Dyer and Eckhart Tolle teach, I’ve made a very conscious effort to NOT be attached to the outcome of anything. Do it your thing, put it out there and let it go. This goes for just about everything too! We cannot control the outcomes. Frankly I really love the surprise effect! Like I started blogging, just putting myself out there. Didn’t worry about stats, or followers one single bit. It’s been a fantastic surprise to be read and followed. I enjoy it MORE because I wasn’t expecting or predicting or wishing for any particular outcome at all!
This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot, lately, without really being able to form it into words. I’ve been calling it “divorcing yourself from the outcome”.
I’ve noticed a lot of relationships falter and fail because people get too invested in a particular outcome. Not just the big outcomes, like “Should we get divorced or not” but also the small ones such as “what will we have for dinner tonight.” One (or both) parties get too invested in being “right” or having things their way, and it leads to an argument.
Divorcing yourself from the outcome, or as you have put it here…not caring about the outcome…can lead to simpler lives with much less stress.
JOhn, Such a powerful post…Love it!
No worries just live life to the fullest NOW NOW NOW!!!!
Outcomes=expectations…..Expectations or the need for a particular outcome can be very frustrating if it doesnt happen.
I prefer the living in the moment mantra. When you Live IN the NOW and DO in the NOW..and give it your best…there will be no need to worry about what the outcome is…..cause giving your best in this moment truly is an insurance for your past and your future to be the best it can ever be.
Just BE dont expect. Life can be so much fun that way…
@Kirsty – Hey Kirsty, of course you can quote me! I’m flattered you think it’s that good
I’ll try to keep writing posts that make you smile!
@Jen – I’m glad you got the message! Our negative thoughts most of the time only serve to hold us back. And remember to stay out of your own way, Jen
@Lance – You always know the right things to say. Spot on, my man. Whatever the outcome may be, we must focus on the journey. We won’t always succeed and we won’t always pick the right move. But in the end, all that matters is if we regret not taking action at all.
Rock on, my friend
@Eric – See? When you cease placing importance on trivial things, the hesitation fade away. I’m glad you learned your lesson before it passed on with you after college. Like you said, go out and have fun!
@Suzen – Right! I think Tess from the Bold Life taught me that lesson best. I was telling her I was feeling down about my subscriber numbers and she told me to stop comparing my blog to other blogs. I should focus on my own growth instead of theirs. Forget the outcome and the rest follows through.
You know this even better than I do. Thanks so much
@Jay – Divorcing yourself from the outcome, huh? Very interesting. I think you’re right. There tend to be common expectations with relationships – sex, time spent together, family issues, – and we just shouldn’t have those. Don’t go into a relationship expecting it to be a certain way. Communicate and go with the flow. Everything will turn out fine so stop thinking it won’t!
Another timeless concept with a fresh, new take. Thanks, man!
@Zeenat – Ah, Zeenat, your words always fill me with joy! Living in the now is where it’s at. Stop living in the future. Stop living in the past. Live in the now without worry.
Thanks for making me smile, Z
Life goes on and on and so will you! That’s brillian to remember no matter what the outcome but especially when we worry about what others thing or if we truly do mess up.
This is my new line when I find myself fearful.
Awesome, John! I’m all about making the most of opportunities when they come along.
I was watching Transformers last night (the first one, where Megan Fox still looked like a real person) and there’s that one scene when they are first deciding whether to get in the car (Bumblebee). He tells her, “Years later, when you look back on this, don’t you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?” (I may be paraphrasing, but you know what I mean.)
Gotta take some chances, right?
I can totally relate to this. When i was younger, i had my share of hesitations and of course, my share of regrets. I don’t do it very often now, though. If I feel it will be a good choice, I’m in it. The outcome is in the future, what matters for me is how I feel about it now. I build the future starting from now.
Good stuff here
I remember the days when I used to sit in my University classes. The Professor would ask a question and I would answer it. Then I would hear someone else’s voice saying that which I thought. I too was always afraid of being wrong, of people judging my less than stellar explanation. I would only ever answer in my own thoughts, and listen to someone else vocalize it. Next time, I would think. But next time never came. Not for a long time, anyway. It wasn’t until my very last semester of University that I ever voluntarily answered a question. Once I let go of my fears of the outcome, I indeed succeeded. The second voluntarily answered question was easier – and soon enough I was actively putting my thoughts out there. Unfortunate that it took so long, because participating in class discussions is really quite a wonderful thing.
By the way, you quoted Ayn Rand in your About Me section. I have to say that I love you for that. Well, in a plutonic way of course, but anyone who quotes Ayn Rand is wonderful in my book. I also really enjoyed your post over at Josh’s corner of the www.
Simply wonderful!
I love coming across great blogs.
@Tess – Thanks, Tess! I’m glad you’re gonna quote me now (okay, don’t let your head get too big, John)
@Lisis – Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy! (Magic School Bus) You’re right on track, Lisis! By the way, I loved the first Transformers – didn’t see the second one and I don’t care that much for Megan Fox anyway.
@Dragos – Hey Dragos, glad you could make it! I love your words on hesitation: “The outcome is in the future, what matters for me is how I feel about it now.”
Thanks for imparting such excellent knowledge.
@Karina – Hey Karina! Welcome to the blog!
I know exactly what you’re talking about! It always pissed me off whenever someone would say the same exact thing I was thinking. I’m glad you finally put aside hesitation and decided to take action. My social sciences class has participation as required. At first I was a bit scared of that, but now I see it as a good thing. I’m becoming more confident and getting critiqued at the same time!
So happy you share my passion about Ayn Rand. Josh doesn’t like her, but that’s okay
. I’m also touched that you think my blog is great. All I do is write to inspire those like you.
By the way, which University did you attend?
Hi John! I attended University of Guelph – in Guelph, Ontario, Canada. If you have no idea where that is, it’s about an hour away from both Western University and University of Toronto (both better known than Guelph).
I’m glad you’re seeing it as a good thing – it really does become easier with practice. Getting critiqued is one of the best gifts anyone can give you – that’s the only way you can really grow.
By the way, I sent you an e-mail regarding the question you asked me over at Josh’s.
Thanks again for writing!
P.s. I had no idea Josh doesn’t like Ayn Rand! Now I’m curious to know why…