“Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure; nothing more bondage than too much liberty, (or libertinism.)” – Benjamin Franklin
My birthday’s coming up this week Saturday, but I’ve told my mother that I don’t want anything (except that she keep supporting me). She kept asking if there’s anything I want, but I replied to her what I want she couldn’t be able to get me.
As a young adult, there are material things I like to sometimes indulge in (video games, video games, and more video games, just to name a few), but for the most part there’s nothing out right now that I particularly like. Therefore, I don’t want video games.
I’ve recently become obsessed with “earning” things. To be more specific, I really like getting things on my own, through my own effort, no matter how painful it may be.
Before I elaborate here’s an example: would you rather earn the money to buy something you’ve always wanted, or would you rather it be handed to you? While I’m sure a good number of you would no doubt pick the second option, think of it this way:
Not having worked a day in your life, you are given a thousand dollars every day for no reason whatsoever. At first you’re thinking “Hooray, time to do some spending!” You go out and buy clothes, food, luxuries, or whatever. Then, after a few months have passed, and you’ve bought everything you’ve ever wanted, you’re still getting money. By now, you don’t know what to do with it. You’ve bought everything you’ve ever wanted, right?
You instead begin to think “Well, I don’t need it anymore, so I’ll just give the money away.” And from here on in, you invest your money into productive and progressive movements that will better serve the planet and the people in it, and you live happily ever after, right?
Wrong.
You see, if you were given one thousand dollars everyday at 12 a.m. (keep in mind you haven’t worked a day in your life), you wouldn’t think to give it away. You’d be thinking “Yes, more money!” If you lived this lifestyle, you wouldn’t assert value with money. Money would be just a means to buy stuff. That would be all you know.
People, in general, learn about the world (both the good and bad aspects of it) through school, use that education to get a job, and use the money from that job to buy stuff. But with the imaginary money giver I’ve created, you don’t have to do any of that prerequisite stuff. You can just get money. You can move straight to the pleasure.
In this lies the problem. People who end up getting pleasure without pain eventually end up hurting themselves in the worst way possible.
Here a few examples of pleasure without pain:
Thievery – he may have taken in pain to get the gun to rob the bank, but the effort of people who had their money stolen will never equal the effort of getting the gun. The end result is most likely prison
Friends with “benefits “- at least one person will develop feelings for the other. Relationship and/or friendship typically ends
Free allowance - kids come to expect you to give them money every week for doing nothing, usually. Kid could possibly grow up to be spoiled
Cheating on tests – getting the answers without the pain of sitting on your butt and studying. Kicked out of class or in more extreme cases, expulsion
Cheating on people - getting physical/mental satisfaction while avoiding the pain of a current relationship. The result tends to be a breakup
So why is pain important?
Pain is necessary because it teaches us value. Whether it be the pain of waiting for an appointment, the pain of working towards a goal you want to reach, or just the pain of watching your child grow up to not need you as much anymore, it’s all usually for the best. Not all pain is good, but the pain that helps us grow is.
My mom’s paying for college. You would think that I’m getting this for free. But I’m not. I’m going to college in order to work hard and get the grades so that I can learn and be educated. It’s pain for my mom right now, but in the long run it’ll be pleasure (the thought of knowing her son has a degree). It’s pain for me because I have to make the grades and sit my butt down and study, but in the long run that will also be pleasure.
This site is running because I’m paying for it. It’s not free. But in the long run, no doubt what I take pains to do now will become my pleasure later. Do you think that I write on this blog because I have to? Yeah right. It’s because I want to. I write to inspire others and I use the pain of trial-and-error (when deciding whether or not this is good enough to publish) towards that end.
As for my mom’s request to get me a gift, she can’t buy me the gift of “earning”. She can’t give me the gift of “pain”. I don’t think I’ve done anything to warrant a present. But I would like for her to say ‘Happy Birthday’. Life is hard, so I think I’ve earned it 
.
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As much as I’d like to say I want pleasure without pain, I know that pleasure wouldn’t be the same AT ALL without pain. I actually try to remind myself of that when I’m in pain. I think to myself, “If it weren’t for moments like this, the good times wouldn’t be nearly as good.” Really great post!
First Happy Birthday – big hug and kiss.
I think in my heart things we achieve on our own we value more so I can understand that. Material things are so blah, there is really so little we need.
Best wishes to you
Great post. I had several friends with benefits relationship and it usually just ends.
Hi John, the gift of love is the best present anyone can receive. Loved the post and love the writing. Have a great birthday when it comes.
Great point. You’ll never appreciate the things that are handed to you. Pretty quickly it becomes expected and taken for granted.
I’d rather stay at my crappy job and work my butt off then be handed that thousand dollars every day —Well maybe once a week would be nice
John, if there really isn’t anything you want for your birthday, then MAKE SOMETHING UP and tell her you really, really want it.
Your birthday is probably more special to her than it is to you! On Hunter’s birthday I celebrate his coming into this world and completely changing my life. I love the idea of getting him something that will make him really happy, so that he feels loved (more than usual).
In other words, for HER… think of something you want!
@Dani – I think you’re right. Occasional pain helps us to appreciate the pleasure and happiness in life all the more. Sweet thoughts
@Bunny – Awwww, thanks so much, Bunny
It’s funny how compliments and good cheer on occasion make us feel happy, while buying something new usually just provides a momentary high.
@Jonathan – Um, thanks for being honest, Jonathan. I hope you learned your lesson.
@Steven – Thanks man, I appreciate the birthday cheer
@Jess – Hey Jess, nice to meet you here. ha ha yeah maybe a thousand dollars once a week would be nice. And I hope you can liberate yourself from your crappy job soon. You should start a business or at least a small revolution of sorts (look up Jonathan Mead if you don’t know what I’m talking about).
Hope to see you around the blog soon!
@Lisis – Ah, a mother’s love toward her son – you’ve reminded me of that
. Well, maybe I could make something up… I should ask for a book. She’s in love with learning so that’ll make her happy.
Thanks for your kind words.
@Walter – Sorry, almost forgot you! Man, you’re comments are pure gold. This embodies the main idea (aside from my birthday) of the entire post. Though I like all of your insights, I mostly like the last sentence. We treasure the realization of our true potential. So awesome and so true. Thanks Walter!
Pain and misery strengthens the spirit. If we acquire something we don’t put any effort on we get bored because there’s no struggle involved.
There’s beauty and satisfaction if we work on something we want to have. All of our senses will be involved in the challenge to acquire our laurel. And at the end, it’s not the prize that we treasure, but the realization of our true capabilities.
Totally agree with what you have written!
We are trying to do the right thing by our son and give him a life where he wants for nothing… unfortunately by doing this he loses all value for money and earning and deserving!
For him it is a case of Mum can pay or get more $ from the ATM. About 3 months ago we put a stop to this… he now has a list of jobs to do and if they get done then some $ goes into his account. He can’t touch it. Any money he gets through b’days, Xmas and the like he can spend so he has to budget this carefully!
We are also reading “A Fortunate Life” to start to comprehend that there are people who have honestly had to suffer in their life and not always had it comfortable.
Only time will tell as to if this will work!
consider also chukwuma that people who are just given money don’t really develop any skills in life that people who earn money do. i know people who have grown up in a cushy lifestyle who just didn’t develop the mental toughness and are finding it difficult to cope with life. this is despite the fact that they have all the money!
Happy Birthday to you!
You make some good points. I think we could learn from all pleasure and no pain but were not that spiritually evolved.
One needs to have values, character and maturity to do so. Just my thoughts without giving it a ton of thought.
I love this post! I was just talking with my kids the other day about feeling like the world owes them something they haven’t worked for. Yes, an excellent post my friend!
Hi John,
I love your message. The things we appreciate the most are the ones that took the most work and sacrifice. So many people feel the world owes them a rock star lifestyle for 4 hour workweeks. People have had it too good for too long. We need a little more pain to appreciate how good our lives really are. We live in amazing times, but we shouldn’t be greedy.
@Kirsty – Hey it’s really great that you’re teaching your son how to value life. Since he’s your son though, don’t teach him to fear spending (because it’s not a bad thing). It’s when spending becomes habitual and careless that you should really set the record straight.
I hope things go well for your family, and glad you enjoyed the post.
@Arjun – yeah that’s kind of a sad state of affairs. Hardship builds character and if you haven’t had any, what kind of character will you have? Some people just don’t learn that they can’t have everything exactly when they want it.
@Tess – Thanks for the birthday cheer, Tess! And no worries, your thoughts are perfectly fine to me
@Michael – Right on, Mike! The world owes you nothing. Therefore you must take what you want by reasonable force. Your kids will thank you in the long run.
@John B. – I love your comment! As I stated to Mike above, the world doesn’t owe us anything. We have to earn our keep through actions and not just through requests and wishes. If the world was perfect, we wouldn’t value it at all (I think).
Happy Early Birthday! There is something definitely sweet tasting to earn something from our own efforts. It’s like we chip away at our potential, bit by bit. Pure gold can only be reached if it’s mined, chip by chip. Hard work is a family value that has been passed down to us. My mom told my brother and I that even if you have everything, you still have to work hard to surpass what you’ve built and reach even higher the next time and so it goes each time until you pass.
Experiencing pleasure without knowing the experience of pain would not be possible. Trying to avoid either will run you right smack into what you try to avoid. Accepting each as a part of being temporarily human allows you to live your life fully. Great Topic, John- Thanks!