“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napoleon Hill
These days, you get a lot of flack for speaking your mind. Even though everyone has the right to say anything, you know in the back of your head that you can’t say everything.
Take for instance your good friend who talks with his mouth open while he’s eating. You see the food bits being masticated while he’s speaking and you just cant stand it. So let’s say you go ahead and tell him. It’s in your best interest to tell him because you’re helping him with his manners while saving yourself from utter disgust.
Guess what happens next… he decides that you’re insensitive. That you need to take other people’s feelings into consideration first before speaking your mind.
Then you think, “What did I do? I was just trying to help him, and he turns around and attacks me! That’s it. I’m never speaking my mind about anything ever again.”
Whoa. You don’t want to go that far. Although I think most people feel uncomfortable when they hear the word “honesty”, there’s really nothing to be worried about. In a nation where the freedom of speech is constantly hailed, why is it constantly frowned upon?
These next lessons will delve into how to speak your mind without regrets:
Think about it first
Before you go spilling your guts, think about what you’re going to say first before you accidentally grind someone else’s feelings into dust. I ‘ve actually done this before. I won’t repeat what I said to you all, but let’s just say that it was pretty obvious that I wasn’t thinking when it came to speaking my mind. It’s important that you reform your words to come from a respectful point of view than from one of dominance and superiority. You have to give respect in order to get it. Saying “Why are you so (blank)” isn’t going to cut it compared to “(Name of friend), (submissive respectful compliment or disarming statement), but I want to talk to you about (blank).” That’s all you have to do.
Disarm their emotional defenses with a compliment before you deliver your input.
Write it down
Let’s go out on a limb and say you don’t want to think about it. You just can’t keep it inside anymore. That’ fine. But I suggest you write it down on any old piece of paper. Write with as much emotion and detail as mentally possible. I have to say that it feels good to write things down (I should know right?). It’s just that when you’re done expressing yourself on paper and you read the words back to yourself, it allows you to feel the full effect. It allows you to be on the receiving end of what you would’ve said to a person.
Write first before you make your feelings known. Trust me, it works wonders.
Get some back up
If you feel that the issue is THAT serious, get some of your mutual colleagues or friends to back you up. Not an entire entourage, but just enough to get your point across in a supportive manner. Don’t just bombard the person with issues. Again, show that you care for their feelings and maintain a certain level of respect. In actuality, bringing more people with you seemingly reinforces that your point is valid.
There’s strength in numbers, but use it to help, not to hurt.
Honesty is indeed the best policy, but people in general have taken advantage of that truth and turned it into something to be feared.There’s nothing wrong with being honesty, but when you use it as a tool to hurt others, that’s when you have to stop and think. And as soon as you do this, you’ll no longer have any reason to feel guilty.
———–
If you liked this post, please share it on Twitter, Digg, StumbleUpon, or Facebook. It’ll do the both of us a world of good. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter.
Want more thought-provoking articles like this? Subscribe for FREE email notifications.
Pingbacks to “How to Speak Your Mind Without Feeling Guilty”
16 comments to “How to Speak Your Mind Without Feeling Guilty”
Another great post here! I typically think of guilt as a waste of time but I know a lot of people (women especially) who have a hard time speaking their mind because they don’t want to upset others. I’m going to pass this article along because it’s great and I know so many who will really benefit from reading it!
Thank you very much Dani! I’m glad you thought my post moving enough to share.
Great post and great pointers. You are so right, it really is about thinking before you speak. I think this is probably the issue I struggle with most because sometimes I am just too focused on expressing my honest opinion. Initially, I thought I was doing the right thing because I was being honest, but I learned that what you say and how it is presented really does matter. Thanks for the reminder.
I found this post interesting and creative. Great points here.
Speaking your mind is a double edge sword in my mind. The tongue is such a small organ yet it can bring life or death with just a few single words put together in conjunction. Being selective of what you say can invoke mystery, intelligence, arrogance, confident or cockiness. Is all about what you say.
But in terms of communication, its always best to think before you speak.
Any thoughts?
@ alternaview No prob. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I thought about it for a while, and compared how I’ve reacted to honesty towards others.
@ Baker Thanks for commenting!
@ jonathanfigaro Great input Jonathan. As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword
Though I have a hard time speaking my mind at times, I can also be pretty blunt without meaning to hurt anyone or even thinking I’m blunt. Its not a burning desire I have, it just comes out and I’m pretty dry to boot so its easy to put people off.
I spend a lot of time alone on a daily basis so I don’t really get enough practice being socialized.
Its much easier for me to get my true feelings out with written word.
Great post!
I have found a great new way to approach major situations where I want to speak my mind, but not sure whether to.
I ask a friend who tries to NEVER offend anyone EVER. After speaking to him for 10 minutes, he usually helps me see a different point of view that I wouldn’t have seen otherwise.
Because he is so careful not to offend, he really helps me think about reasons NOT to bring it up. Combined with my reasons TO bring it up, I get a balanced argument!
@ Carla Maybe you should spend more time in the company of people. You know, that way you’ll be able to pick up social ques that you would’ve otherwise miss. Just get out more or invite your friends over more often.
(Just a thought)
@Kaizan Thank you very much. I have a friend similar to yours except he’s not that afraid to tell you what you might not want to hear. At least you learn a lot from him.
Thanks for the post. I wish I had read it 20+ years ago. It took me until I was in my 40′s to learn that I was a ‘pleaser’, never wanting to hurt others so I would error on the side of keeping things to myself. Not healthy.
Thanks again for the tips.
Joanne Maly, Lincoln Maly Marketing, Cincinnati, Ohio
Good thoughts John. I’m especially liking the second point, about writing it down. Something I haven’t done very much, and also something that I know can help. Thanks for the reminder….
Carla,
I think being blunt is a good thing.
Too many people feel so scare to say what is on there mind, that it eats them up inside. By being blunt at times, it shows that your not scared to speak your mind.
In essence showing confident and having a self realized persona.
@ Joanne It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re reading it today. But all that really matters is now you’ve done it. I’m glad to help you out.
@ Lance Hey man. It really works. Believe me. It took so much out of my system, I was surprised the first time I did it.
@ Jonathan great takes Jon.
@Chukwuma – It would help if I had more people to invite.
Must work on that!
Carla, I’m sure you’ll do fine. Just keeping looking