Posts tagged with guide

“The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else was to be indifferent to that difference.” – Al Capp, great American cartoonist

At some point in our lives, we wind up speaking in front of a large crowd of people, wearing an untied shoe, or walking in the path of a lone tree branch. The opportunity just seems to present itself at the most inopportune times. One mispronunciation, one careless move, or one instance of delayed reaction time and:

STUTTER!

TRIP!

SMACK!

Like magic, the fluidity of our speech turns into choppy babble, the clip-clop of our stride turns into the stamp-stomp of a gorilla trying to regain its balance, and our simple daydream turns into a dizzying mess as we rub our bruised faces. Our confidence transforms into embarrassment.

Ouch.

Yup. I’ve been there and back, my friend. Along with the red face, frenzied eye moments, and loss for words, embarrassment is not a pretty thing to watch, let alone experience. Luckily for me, however, I’ve been in so many embarrassing situations, that I’m practically immune.

So that’s why I say this:

You can end your embarrassment once and for all.

To be blunt, not all of these tips will make you instantly embarrassment-free. Some will provide you with the quick fix you’re looking for, but others will take more practice and implementation in your daily life in order to get it just right. As with every other skill, getting rid of embarrassment requires you to put forth real, conscious effort. Now that my little forewarning is over, don’t worry about it. I’ll try and make these steps as clear and concise as possible:

1. Reflect on your embarrassing moments

Look back on your life and revisit your most embarrassing moments; the best (or worst) ones you can imagine. Remember how each moment made you feel, both before and after it happened. What were you in the process of doing before you were so rudely interrupted?

Then remember what happened the day after your embarrassing moment. Did anybody really remember it? If so, do you still feel hurt by it, or do you not care as much as you thought you did?

2. Come to terms with these moments

Another great way to beat embarrassment is to come to terms with those moments you’ve had in the past. The best way to do this is by sharing them with someone you trust. The blunders that I shared above (stuttering during a speech, tripping on my shoelace, and walking smack dab into a tree branch) are all things that have happened to me in the past. And while I do this in the form of a blog post, you can share your embarrassing stories in your own way. A story, a song, a poem, or another piece of artwork is fine, as long as you let it out.

Remember, life goes on and so should you.

3. In your moment of embarrassment, focus elsewhere

A great technique I’ve found to be useful is to simply concentrate on something else. Just this afternoon, I tripped up the stairs (how convenient for this blog post, right?). Instead of lamenting my little blunder, I gave a little chuckle, looked straight ahead, and kept going. What I focused on in that instant was where I was headed, but there are a near limitless amount of things you can place your focus on. Focusing on your breathing, or remembering a time when somebody else got embarrassed are good ones to use.

4. Embarrass yourself on purpose

This is one of the more advanced techniques I mentioned earlier. To intentionally put yourself in awkward situations requires a great amount of confidence, but is always rewarding once the moment is over. At first, it is a bit daunting (you’re being made a spectacle, I understand), but soon you’ll be well on your way to feeling absolutely confident no matter what embarrassing moment rears it head. Ready the yellow wet floor signs and untie those shoes. You haven’t got a moment to lose.

5. Ignore the moment until it passes

Put your mind at ease. Sure, everyone might be pointing and laughing. Maybe your speech got derailed for a bit. You may possibly be a bit bruised and red in the face. However, the most powerful thing you can do is to just blaze through it. As far as you know, you didn’t mess up. Did you trip and fall? That’s funny. You didn’t feel a thing.

6. Prevent the embarrassment before it happens

As the saying goes, “prevention is better than a cure”. Those words or wisdom still apply, as it is best to be prepared before a moment trips you up like walking across a wet floor with untied shoes. Watch where you’re going. Prepare for your interview. Bring money before you go to the store. Carry an extra shirt when you eat BBQ ribs and hot wings. And don’t forget to tie those laces. An embarrassment-free day is upon us now.

7. Accept yourself, embarrassing moments and all

Maybe you’re like me: just a weird person who can’t help but do potentially embarrassing things. Maybe you like screaming when you’re supposed to be quiet or adore going into a business conference cold turkey with a high probability of blowing it.

Join the club.

There’s something about someone who wants to get rid of embarrassment by trying these techniques. They must want to improve their lives and become more confident. But it’s another matter entirely when someone tries and succeeds in these tips and realizes that we are who we are.

To throw everything out of the window, and to accept yourself as unique and as something special: that is the moment when the embarrassment is truly gone.

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Becoming a self-starter has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Sometimes I ask myself why I didn’t think of this sooner.

No longer do I blame other people for my own personal hangups – I take responsibility for them myself.

No more do I feel like I’m doing what I do just because I have to. Far from it, actually; it’s because I want to.

No further do I feel like the only people who can become self-starters are of a special breed… because I too am one.

What a self-starter does

- If he/she has a certain itch – just wants to try something new – the self-starter won’t hesitate to do it

- sees things through to the end, no matter how hard they may seem. Unless he is failing and making mistakes at a much higher rate than he succeeds, there is no reason for the self-starter to give up

- tries his best to wake up at the crack of dawn and works until the darkness of the night on the things he enjoys doing

- sees the value in constructive, but not destructive criticism (in other words, feedback that builds up from, not reinforces, mistakes that’ve been made)

- gathers insight and creativity from any and all things

- sees work and play as one and the same

- constantly tests assumptions

- takes responsibility for his own life and actions

- does whatever it takes to GSD (get sh%t done!)

- batches the little things while focusing in on the really tough tasks

- searches for the simple solution every time

- follows these rules:

What a self-starter does NOT do

- take no for an answer, when it comes to attempting something remarkable

- putting time and effort into things that aren’t aligned with his goals

- take breaks longer than he works

- give up

- obsess over the little things

- let fear rule over him

- watches television for extended periods of time

- make a plan to follow, a direction to stay true to

Why be a self-starter, you ask? Simply put, because anything YOU start is through your efforts alone. Nobody is forcing you to live up to some ideal, or follow some questionable creed. No one can claim it (your life, your self, your work) – no one but you.

Rebel’s Manifesto stolen from Lance’s awesome blog post at the Jungle of Life, and credited to Keri Smith of the Wish Jar.

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As I pound away on my keyboard, my thoughts ablaze and my ambitions clear, I think to myself: Am I just going through the motions? Am I just taking life’s next logical step? Why am I doing ANY of this?

You’ve had the same thoughts before, I’m sure. Driving to work, from there and back; no variation in routine, no change in style. Doing the same thing everyday makes no difference in some people’s lives. They’re simply just going through the motions. It is a thought process I simply cannot understand.

Don’t get me wrong; routines rule

We cultivate habits and get into routines for a reason: because they help us to remain stable and live our lives for as long as we can. Our bodies are naturally accustomed to “growing into” routines. That way, we’re not under the constant stress of an unpredictable lifestyle.

That being said, some routines are definitely better than others. Habits that pave the way for a very ideal life ahead exist within all of our grasps. We just have to have the capability and awareness to choose which routines we should cultivate and which ones we shouldn’t, in order to get the outcomes we desire.

Let’s give it a try, shall we?

Ready to stop going through the motions and start making some changes? If so, you’ve just taken the first step towards living the life you want. Check out the top tips on breaking free from your current routine:

1. Find out what isn’t working

To change the routines you’ve already set up for yourself, you’re going to have to first find out what isn’t working before you can trade up for the things that do. Maybe reading for two hours everyday isn’t exactly a bad thing. Or maybe watching Seinfeld for an hour religiously is just something you enjoy doing (one of my guilty pleasures actually). Deciding whether a routine is giving you the most overall satisfaction is more important than simply “doing something different”. The best way to gauge the significance of an activity in your life is to…

1b. Ask yourself the three -INGs

What am I doING? – Sometimes actually addressing what you’re doing can force yourself to acknowledge how much of an investment or a waste of time your activity is.

What am I learnING? – What are you learning from what you do? Are you acquiring a new skill or have you been in the same routine for so long that everything you do has become second nature?

What am I gainING? – If your routine is in fact teaching you some new tricks, will these actually be useful in the long run? Could your time be better spend elsewhere?

2. Get rid of the ‘idiot box’

Some people (like me) can manage their TV time. When I get home from college, I tend to only watch an hour of Seinfeld a day, since television these days is hardly worth stomaching. But for people on the other side of the spectrum (you know, the guys that can devour hours of TV everyday) I suggest going cold turkey on the boob tube. The main reason for this is, you’re not really being productive. Unless you’re watching a bunch of documentaries that genuinely interest you or is relevant to a skill you wish to attain (see 1b.), TV is a HUGE time suck. Drop the routine now. You’ll thank me later.

3. Be smart with email

If you’re like how I used to be, email would be checked anywhere from ten to twenty times a day. Honestly, a couple clicks to check email doesn’t take a lot out of your time, but it does break your concentration. And it’s a just plain boring thing to do.

Solution? Check it only a few times a day: once in the morning, afternoon, and night. When the weekend hits, set aside an hour of your time to just deleting, replying to, and composing messages. Of course, this won’t work for everyone, but try to keep a cap on how often you manage email.

4. Do something completely out of the ordinary

If you know exactly how your day is going to play out and you’re not exactly enthusiastic about it, that’s a sign that it’s time for a change. Do you have something in mind that you’ve always wanted to try? Go for it! You don’t have to simply go through the motions anymore; you define your own motions.

Routine, shmoutine; take command of your life

Always have reasons why you do what you do. Just because you’ve been in a routine so long, doesn’t mean you don’t have the power to change it. Take a chance. Try something new. Be explosive when you’re supposed to be calm. To live everyday anew and to “unexpect the expected”: this is what it means to live life.

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“Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to cut all sources of retreat. Only by doing so can one be sure of maintaining that state of mind known as a burning desire to win – essential to success.” – Napoleon Hill

1. Wear clothes that fit.

2. Talk less.

3. Stop waiting for things to happen.

4. Exercise.

5. Be chivalrous.

6. Listen to your parents.

7. Stand up for yourself.

8. Get a job.

9. Stop whining.

10. Do more than what you get paid for.

11. Be too early rather than too late.

12. Start a revolution.

13. Write a story.

14. Mentor a child.

15. Get out of bed in the morning, not the afternoon.

16. Give credit when credit is due.

17. Love yourself.

18. Take chances.

19. Make mistakes.

20. Take a nap.

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“The experienced mountain climber is not intimidated by a mountain -- he is inspired by it. The persistent winner is not discouraged by a problem -- he is challenged by it. Mountains are created to be conquered; adversities are designed to be defeated; problems are sent to be solved. It is better to master one mountain than a thousand foothills.”- William Arthur Ward

“The experienced mountain climber is not intimidated by a mountain — he is inspired by it. The persistent winner is not discouraged by a problem — he is challenged by it. Mountains are created to be conquered; adversities are designed to be defeated; problems are sent to be solved. It is better to master one mountain than a thousand foothills.”- William Arthur Ward

We all have goals that we’d like to achieve, that we’d like to attain. We all want the pleasure of knowing that we had the confidence to change ourselves through taking on and conquering difficult feats.

For example, we set goals every year on January 1st, thinking that this will be the day that everything changes. We say, “I’ll lose 15 pounds”, or “I’ll get a 4.0 this quarter”, or even “I’ll make ‘X amount of money’”. Then, not even midway through the year, we quit. We give up. We fall back in the rut that drove us to change in the first place. Suddenly the challenge that was meant to adorn us with praise is suddenly dragging us down into the depths of ‘hard work’. When we actually have to sit down and devise a plan of attack in order to reach our goals, the majority of us want to quit. Having done this before myself, I can sympathize with that. You have been living in a pattern of regularity that seemed almost effortless and it’s hard to change that pattern by just setting a goal for yourself. But realize that just wanting to change is not enough. You can tell all your friends and relatives about your new plan to backpack through Europe, but it means nothing without preparation, commitment, and enthusiasm. If you don’t have these three things, don’t bother trying to change yourself. You’ll only succeed in wasting your own time.

I created this guide in order ensure that once people set goals of any variety, they will be sure to achieve them. Some goals can take anywhere from 5 minutes to even a year to complete, but keep in mind that if you follow all of these steps without fail, there is no doubt that your goal cannot be achieved.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1. Understand why you’re setting goals

Goals that you set for yourself should be just that; for yourself. Don’t set goals to impress others or to compete with someone who has achieved more than you. Setting goals is about personal growth. The fact that you are taking the steps to achieve your goals is admirable in my opinion, but it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks. In the end, you will receive the most benefit from achieving your goals. It doesn’t matter how many people acknowledge you, or how many people like your goal. If you like it, that’s all that matters.

2. Set a realistic goal

Okay, you know you want to change or improve something, but what? Do you want to go out more, or do you want to get good grades. Or do you want to do both? These are all great ideas for goals, but remember to be realistic. Don’t set goals you know you won’t reach or you aren’t 100% sure you will fully commit to. Also keep in mind that you should set about one or two goals. The problem with setting a lot of difficult goals is that you get so overwhelmed by the time that has to be invested into each one that you begin to start slacking off on all of them. Setting one or two is easier to manage and you’ll certainly be more effective in accomplishing them.

3. Make a ‘top goals’ list and narrow it down to two

Write down the best things you wish to accomplish in as much detail as possible. This is important, so put a lot of time and effort into this. Fleshing out your goals will allow you decide which ones are most reasonable to start immediately. A long term goal like “being a movie star” could definitely take a back seat to an immediate short-term one like “get a driver’s license”. Of course, your list can be as long as desired, but remember to pick the ones that are the easiest to get started on.

4. With your one or two goals, make a plan

Make a plan of how you’re going to achieve your goals. What works best for me is to start with steps that are relatively simple, but get more intricate as my progress grows. Let’s say I have set a goal to learn a new language. I can’t just buy a lot of language books and try to read all of them at once, right? I’m going to have to approach this logically. The first step would be to buy comprehensive language texts and audio CD’s for me to study with. Then I would take a class to get direct practice with a presumably native speaker. I would then try and make new friends so we could possibly study outside of the classroom together. It really is that simple to make a plan of action. And if you don’t know how to start your plan, surf the internet and learn how people with similar goals have achieved them.

5. Enthusiasm is the key

Without enthusiasm, no desire can long endure. While you’re in the process of achieving your goal, never stop being excited about it. Whenever you think about it, get happy and get energized. Isn’t the thought of improving yourself enough to bring a smile to your face? Sure, there will be times when you get bored of the steps you are taking in achieving your goals. But that should be an indicator for you to change things up in your plan. Do you eat the same nutritious foods everyday if you want to be healthy? Do you exercise with the same weight if you want to get stronger? Of course not. As time goes on, it’s natural to get used to the plans you have set in motion for yourself. You can remedy this by adding new steps to your plan. Always remember to keep things fresh so your goals don’t get stale.

6. Make time for your goals

Set aside a decent amount of time for each goal. For the best results, do not spend less than 30 minutes on each goal everyday. There will be times when you start to slack off in this area, but it’s actually not that bad. As long as you plan accordingly to account for the time you lost advancing your goals, you’ll be fine. Remember that consistency is crucial to achieving your goals, so slacking off too much will end up being counterproductive.

7. Never give up

This is my favorite step. There are few reasons to give up on achieving your goal, but difficulty is not one of them. For some, working towards an end is natural. For others, it may not be that simple. But no matter how hard it is, no matter how long it seems to take, do not give up. If necessary, incorporate a support group of your family and friends. Let them know you are serious about tackling this goal and no put downs will be tolerated. There’s no point including anyone in your support group who will hinder your progress by criticizing your efforts. The people who care for you will encourage you, push you forward, and try to help any way necessary.

Goals are very important to have, but setting them is just half the battle. To truly take control of what you want in life, you must condition yourself right now by trying my tips for a time period that you think is reasonable. Keep in mind that you can’t possibly complete these steps in only one day; give it time. If you don’t see any notable changes in yourself or advances in your goals, then try adding a little of your own flavor to these steps.

Be prepared for the trials and tribulations that stand in your way, for they are there to help you succeed and not to deter your progress. And if you do nothing else, repeat this phrase daily:

“I will succeed.”

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