Habit : HiLife2B

Posts tagged with habit

August 15, 2010

What’s Really Keeping You From Breaking Your Bad Habits

This post continues a 1-week experiment post series that I’d like to call, “Short and Sweet”. This series will be based on giving concise, quality content to my readers in 300 words or less. Here’s part one.

Breaking bad habits is tough, not only because habits control everything you do, but because they force you to think your bad habits are normal.

“That’s crazy talk!” you say. “I know my bad habits aren’t normal!”

If you inherently know they’re abnormal, then why do you keep doing them? Simple. It’s because we are what we do. And if we want to change who we are, we have to change what we do.

Sadly, for most people, that’s easier said than done. <—– This is exactly the problem!

Did you catch that? It’s easier said than done. When you make an attempt to change your habits, you feel more comfortable just saying you’re going to do it than actually doing it. Not good.

Talking isn’t action. Action is action. Even I sometimes forget that this is important to remember. Truth be told, I forgot today.

I kept telling myself, “I’m going to work on my book.” But then I ended up never working on it, pushing it aside until tomorrow. My body thinks this is normal now; to say things and never do them is second nature.

But now I have a secret weapon.

The key lies in action. If it was action that got you into these habits in the first place, action is what’s going to take you out. You need to counteract your bad actions with good ones.

Instead of telling people what you’re going to do, just do it. Rather than say to yourself what your intentions are, write them on paper. Start a 30-day journal chronicling your actions.

Make it your mission to rid your addiction.

Before you put off working on that one big project, ask yourself this:

Is the day over? You can’t even take one incy, wincy step forward?

You know what? Be right back. I have a book to write.

photo credit: John Althouse Cohen

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August 14, 2010

The One Thing You Must Do to Be Successful

This post begins a 1-week experiment post series that I’d like to call, “Short and Sweet”. This series will be based on giving concise, quality content to my readers in 300 words or less.

Don’t be who everyone expects you to be.

It took me too long to not only figure this out, but to actually “get it”. [It's similar to seeing the matrix for the first time. You've heard this knowledge everywhere before, but it takes a certain situation for everything to just 'click'.]

When people see me, they would probably think:

1. That’s a a muscular black guy.

2. He must be great at basketball or football.

What’s great about expectations is that when you can shatter them, you create impact. Remember that contrast is king. Not doing what everyone expects you to do and going on to do something amazing is incredibly powerful.

Here’s what people wouldn’t know just by looking at me:

1. I haven’t played basketball or football since the eighth grade.

2. I’m more passionate about inspiring others to do what they love than playing sports.

Everyone expects you to fail because, well, you’re you. You’re not supposed to be different, you’re skillset should be minimal. Your performance has to be sub-par. You’re supposed to blend in.

Good. That’s what you want them to think.

Those who can take advantage of these perception breaks are the ones who are the most successful and most happy. Similar expectations that have been broken in the past:

- You can’t make a living online.

- You can’t learn a language in 3 months.

- You can’t change anything by consuming less.

All were believed impossible. All were immediately shattered.

What expectations will you break?

photo credit: Balaji.B

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July 22, 2010

A Test of Controlling Your Emotions

Awhile back I wrote about how to stop being reactive. For this blog post, I’d like to expand on that idea a little bit more.

Emotions are extremely difficult to control. The reason for this is that they’ve been driving our actions since we were born. If we felt like having ice cream, we’d ask for it, or if we were in the mood for a new shirt, we’d go buy it.

If I didn’t feel like writing today, I probably wouldn’t have written this blog post. This alone is more than enough proof.

The way I see it, most of us are slaves to our emotions. Now that’s not a bad thing. By all means, if it feels good to give way to your feelings, feel free to do so. As you can tell, we’ve been doing that for a while.

Unfortunately, we’ve been so accustomed to letting our emotions run free that we forget to place restrictions on them. For instance, sometimes people will intentionally bait you into getting angry just so they can see you lose control. This is similar in the way that we incite others to laughter by doing something comical or telling a funny joke.

Either way, this ends up making us do things we never intended, saying hurtful things we don’t mean or getting riled up over issues that don’t really matter. When that happens, it’s really just an effect of acting on our emotions with abandon for so long.

It is for this reason that a very small number of people can effectively control their emotions. Public speakers and lawyers are just some of those that have to be able to master this technique — the high-stress situations they work under call for it. For regular people like us, however, we don’t have on-the-job training to force us to command our feelings so easily.

But that’s why you have me.

See every opportunity for an outburst as a test

Over time, I’ve come to realize that we have a choice in the way we go about our actions. That’s why these days I view opportunities to lose my temper as tests. When someone tries to bait me into getting a certain response, I just imagine a mental scorecard in my head presenting me with two options, yes or no.

Yes as in “Yes, I’ll lose my temper this time”, or no as in “Not going to overreact this time”.

This is just what I do, but the main thing I want you to take away from this is that we always have a choice in whether to unleash fury on someone else or keep ourselves in check. It just takes practice to be able to do this every situation — no matter how emotionally taxing.

Think happy thoughts (seriously it works)

Though our feelings do have considerable power over us, it’s not impossible to suppress them. Some people may choose to say comforting phrases over and over or some might resort to purchasing a cheap stress ball, but what I find works for me is just thinking happy thoughts.

Are you in a heated argument? Practice the power of conjuring up amusing memories and kiss your temper good-bye. Taking yourself out of a stressful situation and into a calming one does wonders for ones self-control.

Now this technique is also very tricky (like I’ve said, it’s not easy). I recommend just stopping yourself for a minute and looking at the situation from an impartial point of view. Then all that’s left to do is think about how funny it’ll be when you’re 3 days into the future. You’ll have lost interest by then. Funny, right?

Well, when you’re in the moment it won’t always be. Sometimes you’ll just be seething with anger, ready to throw a punch if anyone gets even an inch within pushing your buttons. And yes, it happens. People will push your buttons and expect you to react accordingly.

But that’s the beauty of being human. We don’t have to react the same way to the same situations. Upon repeated exposure, we automatically build up resistance. Once we get used to these situations (in which people keep pushing the same buttons) we end up not caring.

I still recommend mastering the art of self-control. It’s a skill not many can learn — it’s easy to get used to things, but it’s much harder to change yourself.
photo credit: Victor Bezrukov

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June 21, 2010

7 Steps to Getting Rid of Embarrassment Once and For All

“The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else was to be indifferent to that difference.” – Al Capp, great American cartoonist

At some point in our lives, we wind up speaking in front of a large crowd of people, wearing an untied shoe, or walking in the path of a lone tree branch. The opportunity just seems to present itself at the most inopportune times. One mispronunciation, one careless move, or one instance of delayed reaction time and:

STUTTER!

TRIP!

SMACK!

Like magic, the fluidity of our speech turns into choppy babble, the clip-clop of our stride turns into the stamp-stomp of a gorilla trying to regain its balance, and our simple daydream turns into a dizzying mess as we rub our bruised faces. Our confidence transforms into embarrassment.

Ouch.

Yup. I’ve been there and back, my friend. Along with the red face, frenzied eye moments, and loss for words, embarrassment is not a pretty thing to watch, let alone experience. Luckily for me, however, I’ve been in so many embarrassing situations, that I’m practically immune.

So that’s why I say this:

You can end your embarrassment once and for all.

To be blunt, not all of these tips will make you instantly embarrassment-free. Some will provide you with the quick fix you’re looking for, but others will take more practice and implementation in your daily life in order to get it just right. As with every other skill, getting rid of embarrassment requires you to put forth real, conscious effort. Now that my little forewarning is over, don’t worry about it. I’ll try and make these steps as clear and concise as possible:

1. Reflect on your embarrassing moments

Look back on your life and revisit your most embarrassing moments; the best (or worst) ones you can imagine. Remember how each moment made you feel, both before and after it happened. What were you in the process of doing before you were so rudely interrupted?

Then remember what happened the day after your embarrassing moment. Did anybody really remember it? If so, do you still feel hurt by it, or do you not care as much as you thought you did?

2. Come to terms with these moments

Another great way to beat embarrassment is to come to terms with those moments you’ve had in the past. The best way to do this is by sharing them with someone you trust. The blunders that I shared above (stuttering during a speech, tripping on my shoelace, and walking smack dab into a tree branch) are all things that have happened to me in the past. And while I do this in the form of a blog post, you can share your embarrassing stories in your own way. A story, a song, a poem, or another piece of artwork is fine, as long as you let it out.

Remember, life goes on and so should you.

3. In your moment of embarrassment, focus elsewhere

A great technique I’ve found to be useful is to simply concentrate on something else. Just this afternoon, I tripped up the stairs (how convenient for this blog post, right?). Instead of lamenting my little blunder, I gave a little chuckle, looked straight ahead, and kept going. What I focused on in that instant was where I was headed, but there are a near limitless amount of things you can place your focus on. Focusing on your breathing, or remembering a time when somebody else got embarrassed are good ones to use.

4. Embarrass yourself on purpose

This is one of the more advanced techniques I mentioned earlier. To intentionally put yourself in awkward situations requires a great amount of confidence, but is always rewarding once the moment is over. At first, it is a bit daunting (you’re being made a spectacle, I understand), but soon you’ll be well on your way to feeling absolutely confident no matter what embarrassing moment rears it head. Ready the yellow wet floor signs and untie those shoes. You haven’t got a moment to lose.

5. Ignore the moment until it passes

Put your mind at ease. Sure, everyone might be pointing and laughing. Maybe your speech got derailed for a bit. You may possibly be a bit bruised and red in the face. However, the most powerful thing you can do is to just blaze through it. As far as you know, you didn’t mess up. Did you trip and fall? That’s funny. You didn’t feel a thing.

6. Prevent the embarrassment before it happens

As the saying goes, “prevention is better than a cure”. Those words or wisdom still apply, as it is best to be prepared before a moment trips you up like walking across a wet floor with untied shoes. Watch where you’re going. Prepare for your interview. Bring money before you go to the store. Carry an extra shirt when you eat BBQ ribs and hot wings. And don’t forget to tie those laces. An embarrassment-free day is upon us now.

7. Accept yourself, embarrassing moments and all

Maybe you’re like me: just a weird person who can’t help but do potentially embarrassing things. Maybe you like screaming when you’re supposed to be quiet or adore going into a business conference cold turkey with a high probability of blowing it.

Join the club.

There’s something about someone who wants to get rid of embarrassment by trying these techniques. They must want to improve their lives and become more confident. But it’s another matter entirely when someone tries and succeeds in these tips and realizes that we are who we are.

To throw everything out of the window, and to accept yourself as unique and as something special: that is the moment when the embarrassment is truly gone.

photo credit: quinn.anya

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June 3, 2010

One Quick Tip to Transform Your Interactions Right Now

Stop being reactive.

I’ve been experimenting with this tip when engaging in conversation to great success recently. Matters that would usually set off my “ignoramus-alarm” and cause me to shout, yell, and basically go ballistic, have fallen prey to my being non-reactive.

There are only three steps you have to follow if you want to be completely non-reactive:

1. Pause before you answer anything

Briefly take a moment to assess the situation you may be presented with. There’s some sort of unspoken rule in society that says you have to answer any question someone asks you with speed and efficiency. This actually isn’t necessary.

Stop trying to accomodate who you’re having a conversation with (thinking thoughts like, “If I don’t answer fast enough, they’ll think I’m stupid, being rude, etc.) and slow down.

2. Detach your emotions

You have the right to take yourself out of any pointless discussion, heated argument, or unnecessary quarrel you may accidentally get cajoled into. When emotions get involved, tensions can rise and feelings are hurt. Stay in control of your emotions — let the other people crash and storm around you while you remain as stable as a rock.

3. Keep the “next” attitude on the brain

It doesn’t matter if you say something stupid, rude, or incoherent. In the end, you always get another chance at conversation, so why sweat the small stuff? A mispronounced word during a presentation, an accidental slip of a million-dollar word, even a simple fumbling of your speech into a stutter; it’s not as big a deal as you think.

It’s important to be careful with your words, but if you happen to mess up, move on from it. There’s no point obsessing over miscommunication. Promptly correct your accidents and proceed.

Try this tip today and tell me how it works out for you.

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” – Oscar Wilde

photo credit: polandeze

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March 25, 2010

What Everybody Ought to Know About “The Book of AWESOME”

“The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” – Henry Miller

Significant chunks of my childhood are retold throughout the entire book; it’s like Neil Pasricha (the author of the blog, 1000 Awesome Things) knows me. Or really, it’s like he knows all of us. He knows that, even though we don’t act like it, we all have similar habits and we’re all living together exploring the same things in this gigantic universe. This books teaches us that, maybe, we’re not so different after all.

I’m not going to say that “this book is…AWESOME” (I’ve said that enough on Twitter). Instead, I’m going to say that this book does an excellent job of creatively elaborating upon the awesome things that we do and encounter in our lives everyday.

I get a kick out of pushing those little buttons on the soft drink cup lid. It’s awesome that I get a rush from peeling the film off of new gadgets. And EVERYBODY loves licking the batter off of the beaters of a cake mixer.

More of my favorite AWESOME things straight from the book:

Tripping and realizing no one saw you
Hanging your hand out of the car window
Locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away
And many, many more

You’re also going to get a lot of “Hey, I thought I invented that” or “Wow, I thought nobody understood that, but me” moments. There were also plenty of times when I just started laughing out loud. My favorite line has to be how we sometimes “pop farts beneath the covers”. Hilarious.

Don’t come into the book thinking that this is going to be an epic tale of the human condition. The fact is, it’s not trying to be epic. It’s trying to shine a mirror on you. It has the balls to say what many of us are too afraid or self-conscious to say. And this formula just works.

Even though I’ve already finished the book, I’ll be coming back to this righteous read long after the credits have finished rolling. Heck, maybe my future kids will read it one day. I hope they enjoy it as much as I did.

Pre-order your copy today! “The Book of Awesome” by Neil Pasricha releases this April 15.

image courtesy of 1000AwesomeThings

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December 21, 2009

Hesitation and I Will Never Get Along

I see something I want. I hesitate. I see another thing I want. I hesitate. My mind wants it so badly, but my body keeps rejecting it. Why? Why am I this way?

Should I not do everything I can to go after that which I desire? Why is there so much hesitation?

I hate the hesitation. I hate what it does to me. When it cripples my efforts, how I feel afterwards, is beyond mere textual description. It’s another opportunity gone. Another door closed. Another possibility made impossible…

I’ve heard it been called a “defense mechanism”. It’s supposed to protect us from things that’ll pose a threat to our existence. But last time I checked, talking in front of an audience wassn’t life threatening. Still, at least according to Steve Pavlina’s podcast, people fear public speaking more than death. Why?

Is the hesitation that powerful that we have to give up our lives to it? I can’t accept that. We shouldn’t accept that.

If hesitation is so powerful, then how are people still able to take risks? Do they drug themselves in order to “lessen the blow”? Do they wait until the “perfect moment”? Do they just wake up miraculously ready? Well, I certainly hope not.

I don’t know about you, but nearly every good opportunity I’ve been presented with that has been ruined by hesitation has caused me nothing but my annoyance and regret. I can’t stand hearing myself speaking phrases including the “what ifs” or the “somedays”. I live for the “Remember that time when I…” moments.

What do you want? Seriously, what do you want in life? What do you desire the most? Now it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of what you want. It’s your desire.

Are you hesitating? Are you fearful of asking for an extension on a mortgage payment? Too afraid to ask your boss for a day off to relax with the kids?

If you answered yes, very good. If you answered no, kudos to you to.

The ones who said yes at least acknowledge the problem. The ones who answered no are either happy as heck or lying to me. (Nothing I can do about that, so, moving on…)

For those of us who hesitate, ask yourself this. How would your life be if you never did what you wanted? Think of how you’d feel if never reached for it. The only question that should be going through your mind is “What if I NEVER do it?”

Got the answer? Good.

Now proceed to go for your desire with everything you’ve got.

photo credit: FilmNut

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August 28, 2009

3 Internet Browser “Enhancements” that Kill Productivity

Today, I thought I had writer’s block. I was completely stuck and convinced nothing would get me out of it. This doesn’t usually happen. The writing usually just flows and then proofreading swiftly follows.

I then came upon the true source of the problem: the Internet. Or more specifically, the Internet browsers.

My first thought was “How can this be? My lovely Firefox browser, fully customizable with it’s Google Chrome theme and multiple tabs? That’s the problem?”

Wait a minute. The tabs. Why were there so many open?

I now understand that the very internet browser I put my faith in had bamboozled me into tab-mania! Not only that, but there were a whole host of other issues disguised as “enhancements” that caused my productivity to plummet.

Tabs

I think we can all agree that the root of the problem starts with the tabs. They encourage you to divide your time among multiple topics all in one instant.

I admit I liked the idea in the beginning. But when you’re trying to actually get something done, it really gets to be a hassle. Any random thought pops into my head (“Oh I haven’t read that yet!”) and then I just open a tab.

Solution: There are a number of remedies for this problem. For the PC users (not sure if it’s the same for Mac users) when using the internet, just press F11 to make the current page you’re on go to fullscreen. That way you won’t have any temptations to open a new tab.

If you must keep tabs open, keep no more than three active. There’s no need to 10 pages open at the same time.

Delete Browsing History

I’d like to say that this function is important, but I just don’t see the point of it. Unless you’re doing some questionable browsing or don’t own a computer hard drive cleaning program, you shouldn’t really have to use this.

Solution: Use it only when absolutely necessary (using public computers or if you leave computer out).

Faster load times

I love that browsers have gotten faster, but it’s made it far easier to waste time. The refresh button becomes a lot more tempting when you’re on sites like Twitter and Facebook. And since it takes no time what can happen?

Just because the new browsers are three times faster doesn’t mean you should waste more time to ‘even things out’. I literally used to spend hours (separated by small bursts of productivity) to just look and see what everybody’s doing.

Solution: Cut down on the time used for random surfing. I’ve cut back on both Twitter and Facebook recently, checking in every now and then just to see what’s going on.

I find it ironic that the very upgrades we find valuable in Internet browsers to increase productivity also have the capability to screw it up. The truth behind how productive you turn out to be depends on how you use these features.

As the Internet constantly evolves, remember that simplicity is still the key to getting things done. I think we tend to forget this sometimes, myself included.

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photo credit: fczuardi

9 comments

July 27, 2009

3 Foolproof Ways to Keep Your Promises

“Losers make promises they often break. Winners make commitments they always keep.” – Dennis Waitley

You know the usual process regarding a broken promise, don’t you? We’d accept the challenge given to us by a friend or family member and seal the deal with the words “I promise”. Then when the time came, we just couldn’t deliver. What really gets us is when we start coming up with a sympathetic/elaborate excuse to tell them. That’s the part when we realize we’ve really screwed up.

What is it about promises that makes them so easy to accept, but so hard to keep? It might be the fact that the person is coming from a position of vulnerability and what happens in their lives next is in your hands (I know, big responsibility right?). Maybe you’re just curious to see what happens if you don’t do it, even though you know the outcome anyway. Or you could’ve just plum forgot.

Whatever the reason, promises are delicate things. They are binding agreements that no one should break.

Understand the promise

You have to understand the conditions of the promise. First of all, who is asking you to promise? Your friend? Superior? Family member? This will instill the gravity of the promise in your mind. Next, you have to comprehend the circumstances around the promise. Have you broken this agreement before? Or have you followed through on a consistent basis? Is this the very first promise asked of you by this person or is this the last promise?

It’s okay to say “no”

Simply put, if you know in your mind that you can’t meet the requirements needed to accept the promise, it’s probably best that you say “no”. It’s going to hurt both of you in the long run if you agreed to something you know you can’t do. Most of us tend to say “yes” regardless of this fact for fear of hurting the other persons feelings or feeling that it’s just the right thing to say. This is wrong. Don’t take for granted the trust built around a promise. And if you accept a promise and it turns out you can’t follow through…

Do something right then and there to make it up to them

You were clearly in the wrong for accepting, but show them that you are willing to do almost anything (but nothing out of line) to gain their trust back. Depending on the brevity of the promise, it may take a while to regain the trust of the person wronged. However, don’t make a habit out of doing this because it’ll no doubt make things worse. Similarly, do not say “I’ll do it next time”. There may not even be a next time, let alone friendly communication between the two of you.

As you can see, it’s really not that hard to keep a promise. All it takes is commitment and some careful planning to ensure whatever you promised gets done. The main challenge most of us face today is that we treat a promise like it’s just another form of communication. Know that it takes character to actually fulfill a promise because anyone can just accept them.

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photo credit: discoodoni

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July 8, 2009

Eliminate Your “Fast-Food Mindset” By Slowing Down

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience.”

In this age of high-speed internet, touch-screen cellphones, ATMs, and fast-food, it’s no surprise that our ever-evolving technology has harbored a society in which everything is expected to be done quickly.

If we order food at a restaurant and it’s a bit late, we become annoyed. Even though sit-in restaurants are mostly for enjoying the company of your friends or reading while you wait for your food, people still can’t seem to get over how long it takes to make a quality meal.

People have come to value their time over the quality of their lives. And that’s not a bad thing at all. People should value their time because it’s obviously limited. However, valuing time at the expense of quality can be detrimental to the life you live. This is what I call having the “fast food mindset”: time minus quality = extra time.

What’s the point the of life if you only try to save time for the sake of saving time? It defeats the purpose of lifehacking, productivity, and all the other methods we’ve learned on reclaiming time.

Take a look at these reasons why slowing down your lifestyle and ridding yourself of the “fast-food mindset” could be good for you:

You can perceive the little things

When you speed through life you miss the little things in life. The caress of a light summer breeze, watching a kid try and catch pollen in their hands, the intricate interior design on your car; these things may seem pretty pointless, it’s interesting to witness life as it happens. There’s more to life than just buying things and checking your email. You reside in a living, breathing world. Take a break from the internet for a while and witness life.

Quality becomes just as significant as time

Everyone sets goals like incorporate a habit into your life for 30 days or finish a long list of books before summer ends, but, in reality, the numbers don’t matter that much. Would you rather speed through a book and finish not having learned anything or would it be better to read at your own pace and add a title to your list of favorite books? Some of us are naturally fast readers, but for those of who just want to finish for the sake of completion, take it easy. It is only when you “stop to smell the roses” that you can really the quality of things around you.

You’re more relaxed in what you do with your time

Those who go with the flow of time and use what they have of it wisely instead of trying to just focus on increasing it, are the ones that are the least stressed and the most laid back. I find that the people who seek to save time the most are the ones who are trying to get back time they have already wasted. Unfortunately for them, the best way to reclaim time was to not waste any in the first place. Try to fill everything you do with activities that are valuable to you, not just to your time.

Fast Food Begone.

As the society continues to get more and more advanced over time, let us not take for granted the simplicities of life. Don’t forget that behind all the speed and efficiency of technology is the very purpose for creating all of it in the first place: to have more time for our lives. Don’t save time to save time to save time (insert even more time here!). Rid yourself of the “fast food mindset”: save your life for things that are truly important to you.

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photo credit: ebruli