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September 1, 2010

The Foolproof Way to Achieve Your Goals (anyone can do it)

This post continues a 1-week experiment post series that I’d like to call, “Short and Sweet”. This series will be based on giving concise, quality content to my readers in 300 words or less. Here are parts 1 , 2, 3, and 4.

How many times are you going to let your goals fall flat? Until one too many cold New Year’s Days pass you by?

I’m tired of hearing you talk about your goals—why don’t you just do them?

Stop telling the world what you’re doing and put a photo where your mouth is. Show everyone that you’re doing the work instead of flapping your gums.

I did this all summer believe it or not. Yes, I’m supposed to be a shining example, and I can only use the “I’m human” excuse so many times, but yeah. I messed up.

Moving on.

I kept telling myself to write a book. I swore aloud that I’d make it real. And then I panicked and second-guessed. Time got wasted.

It took me over half the summer to muster up the courage and put my words to paper. But in the end I did it. I completed my first book.

Talking is the death of any goal and every action.

I’ve made too many promises that I never kept; not only on my blog, but in real life to people that matter. To them, I say… mistakes were made. I never meant to mislead anyone. I only ended up shooting myself in the foot.

Okay! Now I’m going to ask you to do one thing for me.

Open up Notepad (come on, who uses paper anymore?) and title it, “[Name of goal] 30-Day Experiment”. Save it on your desktop.

Type “DAY 1” in all caps when you open it up. Under this, put the one step you’ll take that day to get closer to the achievement of your goal.

Write in it everyday by repeating the second step above and moving on to the next day. Miss a single day and the experiment is ruined. Face it. You obviously didn’t care enough about your goal.

Bookmark this post and come back to it in thirty days. Tell me what you achieved.

Got it? Good. Go.
photo credit: woodleywonderworks

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August 24, 2010

You Can’t Take A Leap of Faith Without Knowing This

People are going leaps and bounds over what people expected of them.

Everett is going vagabonding over in Peru.

Jeffrey Tang quit his job.

Glen Allsopp is headed to Thailand.

These are all young people, going after what they want; sacrificing everything they’ve ever known so they can enjoy life. This got me thinking, what am I doing? How am I going after my desires?

Then it occurred to me that I wasn’t. I wasn’t doing anything new. I love to write, but I wanted to experience an adventure.

That’s why I’ve decided to go on a journey myself in the coming weeks.

I feel this trip will really solidify what this site stands for—going beyond your perspective and leaving your comfort zone to do something amazing.

How to support me on my journey

As you all know, I’m trying to support myself through the blog. I spend most of my days adding to my e-book and writing posts (which also added to my desire to go on this trip).

There are three ways that you can help support me:

1. Purchase the books on my sidebar

These books are what got me started blogging for what I believe in in the first place. No doubt they’ll inspire you and give you the tools to do what you’ve always wanted, whether you want to start working for yourself or achieve a more minimalist life.

2. Stay tuned for my next e-book coming out next month

Later next month, I’ll be releasing my premium e-book most likely before classes start. There’s still quite a bit of editing to do, but you can expect it out during the third week of September, at the latest.

3. Hire me for freelance writing

If you have any projects that require my skills in writing or copy, feel free to hire me. All inquires you can send to cjanyasor.yahoo.com.

———–

Now that I’m right on the verge of taking this leap of faith, it’s funny that I remember this one important truth:

To achieve the life you want, your desire must be stronger than your fear.

I’m about to conquer my fear. What will you do with yours?
photo credit: eyeontheweb

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August 19, 2010

5 Lies the Average Personal Development “Guru” Will Tell You

This is a special break in my 1-week “short and sweet” post experiment. Today’s post was originally going to also be short and sweet, but I found I had a lot more to say about today’s particular topic.

The Problem With Personal Development

There’s been a long controversy about whether personal development is legit or not. Some think it’s a worthy and noble pursuit to improve yourself and make life better. I’ve read about people who’ve gotten great results from taking self-help tips to heart.

Others, however, think it’s bullcrap. Personal development and self-help, to the average person, sounds sketchy. And to be honest, the skeptics have a point. To me, hearing about someone selling a self-help book that’ll “improve your life” and “end all your life’s problems” makes me want to scream at the people buying them. I mean, come on, no book is going to change someones life entirely, right?

I guess this is the part where I change my stance and say, “Actually, self-help is good stuff.” Well, I’m not. Self-help is bullcrap—at least in the rosy-colored images that the stereotype has painted it in.

The stereotype

When we hear the words, “self-help”, we instantly picture some nut-job muttering mantras to himself along the lines of:

“Do what you love and the money will follow.”

“As you think, you shall become.”

“I can do anything I want, because I’m special. No other person on Earth is like me.”

If you look closely, you’ll find that each of these terms have major clarity issues. In fact, it’s safe to say that these phrases (and others like them) are just straight-up lies. Lies told to you by so-called personal development “gurus”.

It’s time to wake up.

A long time ago, you could just shout positive quotes and insightful cliches across the web and hundreds of thousands of people would be all over that stuff. Key words to take away from this: a long time ago.

Now, in the 21st century, people are a lot smarter. You can’t just repeat mantras and expect good things to happen to you. If you did, then they already would’ve happened.

You can’t buy someone’s book, expecting it to change your life. Only you can do that.

A self-proclaimed expert can give you all the “you can do it too” encouragement in the world, but if you never end up doing anything with it, be prepared to live the same way you did before your life-changing book purchase.

The point of this post –> 5 Lies the Average Self-Help Expert Will Tell You and What to Do About it

The lies have to stop. You can’t afford to place your hopes and dreams on fake promises—you’re going to need to hear the truth if you really want your life to change.

Below are the top 5 lies I’ve seen on nearly every generic self-help blog I’ve ever read. I’ll be debunking these lies and giving you the truth behind them. Don’t read on if you’re not prepared.

1. Everyone can do it and nothing is impossible

If that were true, everyone would be rich. Everyone would have mansions and fancy cars and yachts and entire armies at their beck and call.

It sucks to say this, but everyone cannot do it. Some people are willing to take more punishment than others. Some people have more experience than others. Some people are just more web-savy than others.

Some people have better genes.

However, everyone has talents. You can do some things better than others. You just can’t do the same things better.

If you believe in nothing else, believe that nothing is impossible that you believe you’re capable of. What this means is up to you.

2. People will always love you for “you”

You think a popular personal brand will cloud people’s minds to the crappy content you provide? If Gary Vaynerchuk put zero thought into his videos, do you think he’d still have an audience? Not likely, as I’ll explain below.

Here’s a dose of realism for you. Look at my last post. Check out how many comments and retweets it got.

Very little, compared to my previous ones. Why? Because it wasn’t as moving or interesting as my other posts. I put next to no thought in making the title. Sure it got one comment, but it didn’t move anyone to talk about it.

This puts a damper on anyone’s belief that love is unconditional. Yes, people will always love you—until you do things to make them not love you anymore.

3. Learn enough about something and you can be an expert on it

This is a bold-faced lie. Just because you’re interested in something, doesn’t mean you’ll automatically be a pro, no matter how many years you spend in deep study. It’s true that if you study something long enough, you’ll be more knowledgeable than the average person. But you won’t have any real world experience.

You need to test your knowledge out in the world before you can start teaching others what you know.

But let’s say you do know enough to teach others. Guess what? That still doesn’t make you an expert.

Knowledge isn’t static, but constantly growing. What you teach people ten years from now won’t be the same as what you teach them today. You should consider yourself a student, and always be learning.

4. Do what you love and the money will follow

Let me tell you something, just in case you haven’t heard. A lot of people have hobbies that they love. Does that necessarily mean they make money from them? Of course not. Lot’s of people sing and dance and write. A vast majority of those people don’t make a dime.

People see the lie above and go ballistic with dreamy-eyed optimism. “Really, that’s all it takes?”

No, there’s actually a lot more to it than that. There are sacrifices you have to make if you want to make money from your passion. Maybe it means foregoing steady income for a few years or dealing the constant criticism from people who used to believe in you. Either way, times will be tough.

If you’re ready for it, however, then by all means go for it. I’m having a hell of a time doing it so far.

5. Stand out and you’ll be noticed

Another vague, wishy-washy mantra. This actually couldn’t be further from the truth. In this day and age, to stand out means to be unique; to be you. Unfortunately, it’s very hard for people to be themselves. So instead of really being themselves, they resort to strictly standing out for the sake of standing out. As a result, this projects an image of trying to be so different that people can tell it’s fake.

In truth, we’re actually already different; society just forces us to stand in (through rules, taboos, peer pressure, etc.).

Only when you’re able to break free of the programming and let go of the limits you put on who you are can you truly be yourself and stand out from the crowd.

Well, there you have it. The top five lies of self-help. Feel free to disagree below.
photo credit: azrainman

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August 15, 2010

What’s Really Keeping You From Breaking Your Bad Habits

Breaking bad habits is tough, not only because habits control everything you do, but because they force you to think your bad habits are normal.

“That’s crazy talk!” you say. “I know my bad habits aren’t normal!”

If you inherently know they’re abnormal, then why do you keep doing them? Simple. It’s because we are what we do. And if we want to change who we are, we have to change what we do.

Sadly, for most people, that’s easier said than done. <—– This is exactly the problem!

Did you catch that? It’s easier said than done. When you make an attempt to change your habits, you feel more comfortable just saying you’re going to do it than actually doing it. Not good.

Talking isn’t action. Action is action. Even I sometimes forget that this is important to remember. Truth be told, I forgot today.

I kept telling myself, “I’m going to work on my book.” But then I ended up never working on it, pushing it aside until tomorrow. My body thinks this is normal now; to say things and never do them is second nature.

But now I have a secret weapon.

The key lies in action. If it was action that got you into these habits in the first place, action is what’s going to take you out. You need to counteract your bad actions with good ones.

Instead of telling people what you’re going to do, just do it. Rather than say to yourself what your intentions are, write them on paper. Start a 30-day journal chronicling your actions.

Make it your mission to rid your addiction.

Before you put off working on that one big project, ask yourself this:

Is the day over? You can’t even take one incy, wincy step forward?

You know what? Be right back. I have a book to write.

photo credit: John Althouse Cohen

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August 14, 2010

The One Thing You Must Do to Be Successful

This post begins a 1-week experiment post series that I’d like to call, “Short and Sweet”. This series will be based on giving concise, quality content to my readers in 300 words or less.

Don’t be who everyone expects you to be.

It took me too long to not only figure this out, but to actually “get it”. [It's similar to seeing the matrix for the first time. You've heard this knowledge everywhere before, but it takes a certain situation for everything to just 'click'.]

When people see me, they would probably think:

1. That’s a a muscular black guy.

2. He must be great at basketball or football.

What’s great about expectations is that when you can shatter them, you create impact. Remember that contrast is king. Not doing what everyone expects you to do and going on to do something amazing is incredibly powerful.

Here’s what people wouldn’t know just by looking at me:

1. I haven’t played basketball or football since the eighth grade.

2. I’m more passionate about inspiring others to do what they love than playing sports.

Everyone expects you to fail because, well, you’re you. You’re not supposed to be different, you’re skillset should be minimal. Your performance has to be sub-par. You’re supposed to blend in.

Good. That’s what you want them to think.

Those who can take advantage of these perception breaks are the ones who are the most successful and most happy. Similar expectations that have been broken in the past:

- You can’t make a living online.

- You can’t learn a language in 3 months.

- You can’t change anything by consuming less.

All were believed impossible. All were immediately shattered.

What expectations will you break?

photo credit: Balaji.B

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August 9, 2010

The Importance of Choosing the Right Incentives

The best way to stay motivated at work is to actually care about what you’re doing. Instead of doing the bare minimum, you’re putting in your best effort each time to get the results you want.

The incentive for most people when applying for a job is to survive. This reason alone is potent enough to force anyone to join the rat race and invest years of their lives into corporate ladder climberism.

A narrative to set the record straight

Let’s say you’ve just graduated college. After months of sending out resumes, you finally break into the working world. As a result of the hours you’ve put in, you’ve been getting periodic raises in pay. Over time, you get more than enough money to feed yourself and live comfortably, so the incentive to survive decreases.

In other words, you begin to care less about the risk to your survival.

Eventually you become much more well off than you were a few years back. Everyone around you praises you for your financial prowess. “You’ve come such a long way”, they’ll say. “When are you gonna start a family?”

Then, boom, another incentive. Originally, you took this job as means for survival. But you’ve forgotten that many years have passed since you’ve first achieved employment and you’re getting to that marrying age. surely they can survive on $70K a year, no? Of course, not! What about your children’s college education? No, you need more money. You need to work even harder to make enough money to pay tuition at all the top schools.

Traditional incentives are all around you now, placed in your lap by society. They say it is your duty. Your duty to get married. Your duty to procreate. Your duty to put your offspring through college.

It is your duty, lest you be ostracized by the better half of society.

Fearing this, you go off and do everything you’ve been told. A girl is married. Children are raised. Colleges are paid for. Years pass and these goals are slowly being achieved.

And then one day, the incentives stop. Your children are gone, having left to continue on the cycle. Your wife is with you, tired but happy to finally be free of the war that is raising kids. Your money is more abundant than ever, despite its heavy depletion due to college fees.

And you? Well, you’re the same.

You’re still the same person fresh out of college working towards an end. The same person searching for some sort of incentive to keep him going and stay alive. The young person who has inevitably become bored of life.

You’re soon going to become an old man or woman. You won’t be able get those decades back. But maybe now you can start looking for your passion before it’s too late.

The right incentives

From birth, we are given incentives. It’s in your best interest to cry and complain over and over until your mother gets you that toy you’ve always wanted. It’s in your best interest to go to college so you can get a high paying job and buy stuff. It’s in your best interest to get married and start a family, lest you end up dying alone.

These incentives have been thrust upon you throughout countless generations. This brainwashes us into thinking that this is the right way to live. In reality, though, there is no “right” way to live. There are no “wrong” incentives. There are simply incentives.

The incentives I amused you with in the narrative above, however, demonstrate how incentives that rise from the dregs of society, the ones that have no uniqueness or personal meaning, lead to, unsurprisingly, unfulfilled lives and big question marks.

Instead of going through the motions, it’s imperative that you ask yourself:

Why do I do what I do? To please myself or to please another?

You don’t need permission to live life your own way. You don’t have to get married. You don’t have to have kids. If do you decide to have kids, you don’t have to put them in soul-sucking institutions that only force them to memorize facts and formulas they aren’t interested in.

In truth, the only “right” incentives are the ones you choose for yourself. You decide what you want to achieve in life. Even if you do settle for a high paying job just so you can buy things, it should be your decision. On the other side of the spectrum, you shouldn’t be ashamed of taking a job that others view as less financially rewarding. If you’re doing something you enjoy, no one else’s opinion matters.

I say put off getting married. Have kids later. Save climbing the corporate ladder for when your creative juices stop flowing. Put the goals that aren’t yours into a box labeled “Things to Forget”.

While you’re young, use your energy to work towards something amazing. Something you care about. Something worth staying motivated in.

So the next time you find yourself looking for advice on how to stay motivated in whatever you do, look inside yourself, and ask why and if you really care.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

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August 5, 2010

You Make Your Own Opportunity

The opportunities that are in front of you are rarely obvious. While some have the subtlety of a ten-dollar bill lying in the middle of a sidewalk, most opportunities seem to be invisible. A lot of people go on and on about how you have to find the right opportunity and that once you find it, you have to be brave enough to take it. But how can you find something that you can’t even “see”?

Here’s where I think you’re going about this all wrong.

Most of you seem to think that opportunities are placed in our lives by mischievous little fairies who decide when it’s time for us to find the “perfect job” or stumble upon our “big break”. Chances are believed to be fated by some higher power or given to you by prophecy. In reality, this isn’t the case.

The reasoning behind opportunities is simple:

The best opportunities are created, not found.

Think about the way you live now. Was it by good fortune that you acquired a job? Was it luck that put the food in your stomach or the shirt on your back? I get the feeling that most of you would say yes, and, in some cases, I’d agree with you. Maybe you feel lucky to live the life you do. You could have been one of the millions of people put out of work and into the unemployment bin.

In truth, however, all you did was just send off your resume to hundreds of companies. You were employed and got paid, thereby making it easy for you to buy food. While some define this as “luck”, I know that the rest of us don’t feel the same. We never happen upon jobs. We know how to work and get employed. We know how to keep ourselves alive.

But we don’t want to merely be employed and survive. We want to enjoy a life doing what we love. Unfortunately, we feel that the opportunities we’ve been dealt bar us from living this way.

Your opportunity, your choice

The good news is that this is not the end. The opportunities you have given yourself in the past can be amended by the opportunities you create right now. But before you can do that, you must believe (without a doubt) that life isn’t about luck. It’s about the actions we take and the choices we make.

3 Steps to Making Your Own Opportunities

1. Do, do, do

Making an opportunity is pretty easy. The problem most people have though is that they’re unwilling to take action in order to create these opportunities.

If you second-guess yourself and decide forego action, 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up never taking it. No one is going to hold your hand and just give you what you want. Even if there is someone willing to push you, realize that he can only provide as much support as you are willing to actively do something with.

Action step: You have to go out there and be willing to make changes for yourself, by yourself.

2. Practice thoughtless action

How many times have you thought about something you really, really wanted to do? I bet you can’t count on only your two hands and feet, it’s so many. The problem with this method is that you spend all your time thinking about every single outcome and invest no energy in actually doing something. Take it from someone who used to over-analyze every single scenario before taking a leap of faith.

Action step: Throw out the misconception that you must think before you act, at least when it comes to achieving really big goals. Less thinking, more doing.

3. Stop trying to predict a fearful future

I’m guessing you’re still skeptical about the whole “taking thoughtless action” argument. Why? Why are you so skeptical? Is it imperative that you doubt what hasn’t happened yet on the grounds that thinking negatively is more realistic? No. Cancel that from your mind. Practice a little thoughtless action and stop trying to predict the future, let alone a negative one. What happens in real life is not always negative, and if it is, there’s usually a lesson in there somewhere. Dig deep and look for it.

Your future can be bright, but only if you have the guts to make it so.

Action step: Focus on the present and relinquish the idea that the future has to be negative.

Once you master these steps, no doubt opportunity will be within your power to make. Everything that has happened up to this point has been by your doing. You made the situation, no matter how good or how bad it is. True, there are some things that we can’t escape; this is life, remember that. But that doesn’t mean all things are inescapable, that everything happens by coincidence and chance.

If you want something to happen, go make it happen. When life gets you down, only you can pull yourself back up.

To have the belief that opportunity can be found in any situation is to be in complete control of where you want your life to go.

photo credit: Alex E. Proimos

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August 3, 2010

3 Ways to Eliminate the Fear of Reaching Your Potential

The first sign that you’re successfully breaking out of mediocracy is feeling unwarranted fear.

You’re more scared when you’re moving past the limits of what you believe is possible than when you’re taking action for the first time. The line that separates the mediocre from the brilliant, and the invisible from the “break-out superstar” is thin, but has the potential to be emotionally overwhelming once crossed.

When you’re in the process of crossing this threshold, you begin to doubt your abilities; how good you thought you were and how good you are right now.

Common questions that we ask ourselves tend to range anywhere from the following:

“Wow, I never thought I was that good…am I really this skilled?”

“Maybe I’ll be one those one-hit wonders… is it best to stop right now?”

“This seems too good to be true… is it just a trick?”

Many of us feel that we ask ourselves these questions because we’re on the verge of regressing back into the shadows of mediocracy. It’s that “it’s too good to be true” feeling that tries to push us back into our old ways of thinking. Fortunately, feeling this way is natural.

You don’t ask yourselves these questions because you’re on the road to becoming mediocre again, but because you’re about to rise above it. True, feeling undeserving of the positive results you’re getting is normal (similar to the way after riding his bike for the first time, a child will still want his parent to go behind him to make sure he doesn’t fall). However, just because a feeling is natural doesn’t mean we should give into it.

Eliminating the fear of reaching your potential

Everyone starts out a little frightened when they realize how much power they actually have. But keeping yourself in this state of mind can be detrimental to you ever doing your best. Thankfully, you’ll have me here to guide you through 3 ways to stop fearing your potential and embracing your self-confidence.

1. Realize that the limits are in your head

Maybe doing your best has given you such astonishing results that you think you’re incapable of doing any better. A likely assumption—except that the only way that statement could be true is if you stop practicing what you’re good at. And unless you’re completely demoralized, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Get the notion out of your head that after you’ve done your absolute best, you recede back into the pool of average. If you give it your best effort each time, you’ll rarely ever “lose” ability. You have much higher planes of skill to attain; don’t let imaginary limits hinder your growth.

Your best yesterday is not going to be your best tomorrow.

2. Don’t expect yourself to keep being awesome

After doing something amazing, you begin to think everyone expecting you to keep the streak going. While you should always aim to give it your best effort, understand that you’re only human. You win some, you lose some. While you may be awesome one day, don’t place unnecessary obligations on yourself to keep performing at your peak. It’s not healthy.

There are times that I spend the whole day trying to push myself to the absolute pinnacle of excellence, just because I feel that I have to give it everything I’ve got, all the time. I’ve learned my lesson—and eliminated pointless stress in the process.

Produce when you can, rest when you can’t.

3. Trying to use what you don’t have is wasteful

Which brings us to my final piece of advice; don’t try to extract from what doesn’t exist. If you don’t have any energy to run or lift weights when you’re trying to get faster or stronger, don’t expect to perform your best. Running on empty only makes certain your already high chance of failure.

I spent the entire day trying to write—to no avail—when my time would’ve been better spent simply reading or doing something else I enjoy. Talk about a wasted effort. That’s why I say use what you already have in reserve so that you know you can do better.

The fear only comes when you know you can’t take action at the moment of truth and you expect yourself to do more. Listen to your head and not your heart. Know when to stop.

What I find kind of find comical is that all three of these methods to eliminate fear conflict in some way. If the limits are in your head, shouldn’t you be able to keep going even if you don’t have the energy? And shouldn’t you have high expectations for yourself when you can keep doing more?

The key to answering these questions rests on you. You know yourself better than I do. I can teach you the best way to eliminate the fear of reaching your potential, but it’s up to you to trust yourself to achieve the right balance between knowing your limits and breaking out of them.

photo credit: ValetheKid

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July 22, 2010

A Test of Controlling Your Emotions

Awhile back I wrote about how to stop being reactive. For this blog post, I’d like to expand on that idea a little bit more.

Emotions are extremely difficult to control. The reason for this is that they’ve been driving our actions since we were born. If we felt like having ice cream, we’d ask for it, or if we were in the mood for a new shirt, we’d go buy it.

If I didn’t feel like writing today, I probably wouldn’t have written this blog post. This alone is more than enough proof.

The way I see it, most of us are slaves to our emotions. Now that’s not a bad thing. By all means, if it feels good to give way to your feelings, feel free to do so. As you can tell, we’ve been doing that for a while.

Unfortunately, we’ve been so accustomed to letting our emotions run free that we forget to place restrictions on them. For instance, sometimes people will intentionally bait you into getting angry just so they can see you lose control. This is similar in the way that we incite others to laughter by doing something comical or telling a funny joke.

Either way, this ends up making us do things we never intended, saying hurtful things we don’t mean or getting riled up over issues that don’t really matter. When that happens, it’s really just an effect of acting on our emotions with abandon for so long.

It is for this reason that a very small number of people can effectively control their emotions. Public speakers and lawyers are just some of those that have to be able to master this technique — the high-stress situations they work under call for it. For regular people like us, however, we don’t have on-the-job training to force us to command our feelings so easily.

But that’s why you have me.

See every opportunity for an outburst as a test

Over time, I’ve come to realize that we have a choice in the way we go about our actions. That’s why these days I view opportunities to lose my temper as tests. When someone tries to bait me into getting a certain response, I just imagine a mental scorecard in my head presenting me with two options, yes or no.

Yes as in “Yes, I’ll lose my temper this time”, or no as in “Not going to overreact this time”.

This is just what I do, but the main thing I want you to take away from this is that we always have a choice in whether to unleash fury on someone else or keep ourselves in check. It just takes practice to be able to do this every situation — no matter how emotionally taxing.

Think happy thoughts (seriously it works)

Though our feelings do have considerable power over us, it’s not impossible to suppress them. Some people may choose to say comforting phrases over and over or some might resort to purchasing a cheap stress ball, but what I find works for me is just thinking happy thoughts.

Are you in a heated argument? Practice the power of conjuring up amusing memories and kiss your temper good-bye. Taking yourself out of a stressful situation and into a calming one does wonders for ones self-control.

Now this technique is also very tricky (like I’ve said, it’s not easy). I recommend just stopping yourself for a minute and looking at the situation from an impartial point of view. Then all that’s left to do is think about how funny it’ll be when you’re 3 days into the future. You’ll have lost interest by then. Funny, right?

Well, when you’re in the moment it won’t always be. Sometimes you’ll just be seething with anger, ready to throw a punch if anyone gets even an inch within pushing your buttons. And yes, it happens. People will push your buttons and expect you to react accordingly.

But that’s the beauty of being human. We don’t have to react the same way to the same situations. Upon repeated exposure, we automatically build up resistance. Once we get used to these situations (in which people keep pushing the same buttons) we end up not caring.

I still recommend mastering the art of self-control. It’s a skill not many can learn — it’s easy to get used to things, but it’s much harder to change yourself.
photo credit: Victor Bezrukov

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July 19, 2010

Be More Than the Average Person

The ones who do more than the average get extremely good results.

The man who works hard every single day gets the most compensation for his efforts, while the guy who works strictly on weekdays receives his standard pay.

The girl who dances without limits, who tries her very hardest, and instills passion in every twirl, jump, and hip movement will become a master of the dancing arts yet, while the competition practices at set times throughout the week, never straying from their schedules.

In our society, there are only people who do the standard affair and people who do much more than is necessary.

Generally, people aren’t comfortable being or doing more than they are. They will do as much as they can to keep from looking awkward, or weird, or self conscious. In the process, they end up looking like all of these things anyway.

Very few people are bold enough to be themselves. Those who are will do as they please, whistle as they walk, and throw paint on the bland and the dull to make it into art just because they feel like it.

As a result, these people are looked down upon. And it’s right that they should be, correct? I mean, how can they act so out of the ordinary and expect to be treated like everyone else?

And that’s just it. They don’t.

To be treated like everyone else is to be treated like jut another person. Just another worker bee. Another cog in society going where everybody else goes. This is why the bold decide to be different.

Because when at first they are ostracized, in time someone will say:

“Whatever you’re doing… that’s neat!”

And then another one will say that and then another. And another. And then, like magic, a movement is born and the one who is bold becomes the leader put in the front of it.

Why do you think the ones going against the norms are singled out? Why do you think they have an easier (or should I say, more fun) time getting to where they want to be?

Why do you think the ones who are different get extremely good results?

Because it makes them indispensable.

The world has enough people running around who are exact clones of one another. Those who have the guts to stand out and be different already realize this. And, inherently, the rest of us know it as well.

No one is born restricted

As children we are free to deem the world our oyster. But over time, we are given rules (through parental guidance or school training) that force us to obey. We are given orders to sit still and pay attention. Be quiet and draw within the lines.

Use the right colors for the right picture.

So as these rules are applied to the actions we do and to the way we live our lives everyday. Eventually it becomes a habit. And in the end, it becomes who we are.

But the few that break through this programming are the “glitches”. The individuals with a spirit that standardizing rules and behavior-management laws can’t control. These people are more than the average person.

How to be more

You too can be more than the average person. You don’t have to be another worker destined for corporate ladder climbership. You can create your own separate identity… an identity far more valuable than you ever imagined.

This is what you have to do.

1. Encourage breaks in perspective

Your perspective is your reality. When you see something happen that you never thought was ever possible, this is called a break in perspective. Find as many of these as you can. If you think you can’t do something because it seems way too out of the ordinary, assume you’re probably wrong. I would’ve never guessed that a mere child (Justin Bieber) would be the focus of the most popular video on a social networking site — and he’s not even that great of a singer. But what makes him stand out is that he’s different: he’s a child with a half-way decent voice discovered by Usher.

Look for the weird feats, believe in bold accomplishments, and aspire one in a million chances. You just might be able to pull one off.

2. Read the biographies of the indispensable

Do you think that you’re the only one pushing to be unique in a world of conformity? Countless others just like you are struggling to make the world their own. And through these struggles come amazing feats — the impact of which you should be taking advantage of.

With the “safety” of a consistent paycheck calling to you, it can be difficult to choose a path less beaten and control your own life. Fortunately, there are individuals who have already attained what you seek – a life that’s better than average – and you can use their accomplishments to fuel your desire.

3. Act with your own incentives

Average people have the typical incentives – marry so they can have kids, have kids because it seems like the next step, get a job so they can make money. Incentives that are taken up for little personal reason aren’t worth shooting for. Aim for incentives that are all your own and greatly improve your enjoyment of life.

Do you think the artist paints because art sells? No, he paints because he loves to do it. The extraordinary dancer dances because it’s her passion. From embracing what you enjoy, you gain personal fulfillment and acceptance.

So don’t be one who goes with the flow. Get a job that you love. Live a life that you’ll love. Take on challenges that inspire you to have them bested.

Act with your own incentive.

4. Infuse quality with time

There is no such thing as “closing time” on a mind motivated above the average. Even more so, there is also no such thing as working 9 -5 or any sort of set time line. If the work you get enjoyment from requires you to do a project that will take most of the day to complete, you wouldn’t complain. Because it’s your work.

You can never work too much or toil too little, as long as every minute is dedicated to quality. Long ago, time was perceived to be valuable. Farmers took great care in making the most delicious crops around. Owners took great pains to see their customers smile.

Now, we are in a time where quality is sacrificed for the sake of speed and efficiency. Just getting a product out matters more than creating quality. The average person values time over quality. The above average person values both.

The average person wastes time doing needless tasks. The above average person invests time in quality, understanding that value takes time to make.

You don’t have to be average

This took me a while to realize, being swamped underneath the delusion of “saving time” and “making deadlines”. While these things are vital tools in motivating you to do great work, never sacrifice yourself or your uniqueness just to get by and get things done. Chances are you’ve been “just getting by” your entire life. Doing just enough to pass on to the next stage.

Forget the next stage and forget about passing on. I used to always tell myself, “I can’t wait until this tedious period in my life is over, then I can do what I want”. Foolish words I know them now to be. If you can’t control your life now, then you’ll never be able to. This is something the average person already knows, but refuses to accept.

Until the day they die, they will live under the heel of someone else’s paycheck, most likely that of their boss. And when their social security checks come in, whether they’re currently working or not at the ripe, old, go-crazy-with-your-money age of 65, then they will know:

To live as average is to live a life controlled by others. You have to be more to be free.

photo credit: Llima

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