Life : HiLife2B

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September 1, 2010

The Foolproof Way to Achieve Your Goals (anyone can do it)

This post continues a 1-week experiment post series that I’d like to call, “Short and Sweet”. This series will be based on giving concise, quality content to my readers in 300 words or less. Here are parts 1 , 2, 3, and 4.

How many times are you going to let your goals fall flat? Until one too many cold New Year’s Days pass you by?

I’m tired of hearing you talk about your goals—why don’t you just do them?

Stop telling the world what you’re doing and put a photo where your mouth is. Show everyone that you’re doing the work instead of flapping your gums.

I did this all summer believe it or not. Yes, I’m supposed to be a shining example, and I can only use the “I’m human” excuse so many times, but yeah. I messed up.

Moving on.

I kept telling myself to write a book. I swore aloud that I’d make it real. And then I panicked and second-guessed. Time got wasted.

It took me over half the summer to muster up the courage and put my words to paper. But in the end I did it. I completed my first book.

Talking is the death of any goal and every action.

I’ve made too many promises that I never kept; not only on my blog, but in real life to people that matter. To them, I say… mistakes were made. I never meant to mislead anyone. I only ended up shooting myself in the foot.

Okay! Now I’m going to ask you to do one thing for me.

Open up Notepad (come on, who uses paper anymore?) and title it, “[Name of goal] 30-Day Experiment”. Save it on your desktop.

Type “DAY 1” in all caps when you open it up. Under this, put the one step you’ll take that day to get closer to the achievement of your goal.

Write in it everyday by repeating the second step above and moving on to the next day. Miss a single day and the experiment is ruined. Face it. You obviously didn’t care enough about your goal.

Bookmark this post and come back to it in thirty days. Tell me what you achieved.

Got it? Good. Go.
photo credit: woodleywonderworks

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August 27, 2010

The Key Ingredient to a Life Worth Living

Hey guys! Long time no post.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been posting a bit infrequently these days. Not because I don’t love you guys anymore (I absolutely do), it’s just that the new e-book I’ve been writing has taken up most of my inspiration. Though there are a lot of changes that have to be made, the direction my book’s heading in is very good.

It’s just exciting to see progress being made.

Now for the most part, I’ve kept you in the dark about the book and haven’t really let loose any real details on what I’ve been working on.

I think it’s time to break the silence.

The premise of the next e-book

The book will address a problem that I feel a lot of us struggle with throughout life.

Do you remember when you were told that you should pursue happiness and that you were to constantly strive to reach your dreams? This sounds fine and dandy, but it often results in you going after what you can’t quantify. You find yourself running after outcomes instead of waking up to the entire process.

In other words, you’re literally “chasing your dreams” and having your efforts fall well short of the mark.

Happiness and dreams; these are things that you can’t touch, and that you can’t hope to realistically achieve.

I’ve actually released a number of posts that have made impressions on the subject, but this e-book will provide more of an in-depth answer to the problem.

It’ll teach you about what you’re supposed to be pursuing instead of the outcome. I also think that this e-book will help a lot more people in ways that my first e-book didn’t.

I played it safe with the first one

Although the free e-book was shared quite a bit—at the very least, a lot more than I expected— it failed to make much of an impact. How do I know this?

Because I played it safe.

I put more effort into making the maxims sound good instead of venturing into uncharted territory and presenting a fresh perspective. Now I don’t dislike the e-book (it’ll be up on the sidebar of the rest of the year, but not a day after that), I just think I could’ve done better. Feel free to grab it while you still can.

Thankfully, there’s such things as second chances.

Let all of yourself come through

With my old experiences behind me, I’ve learned that putting all of yourself into something really makes a difference. When you put passion into a project, it shows.

Even if you don’t know exactly how things will turn out, don’t hold back. Actually, I think that’s all the more reason to not hold back. If you just dip your toe into the pool, will your experience have been worth it? No, because all you did was dip your toe in the pool.

But when you put all of yourself into something, you give yourself permission to feel everything. All five of your senses will be activated and you’ll be truly in the moment.

Jumping into the frying pan

For the entire summer, I haven’t really put myself anywhere. I’ve ventured downtown a lot and hung out with my friends a little bit, but I feel like I’ve been split. My priorities have been all over the place.

Should I put time in a good e-book? But then I’m stuck inside all summer.

I don’t want to go downtown today. it’s too hot.

My friends are going out to dinner… but I think I should write on my blog.

I’m running out of cash. I think I’ll write a book… but it might suck… back to the blog…

Arrgghh! The curse of indecision.

So I’ve decided to go on a trip to end this madness. I’ve been wanting to put all of myself into something for a long time and I think a voyage out of the country will help clear my head.

But I’m not going anywhere until I put every last ounce of my being into the book. There’s really nothing left for me to lose.

It’s time to put passion back into your life

Where’s your joy for life? Where does it come from?

Are you experiencing it everyday? What are you putting it in?

Life is meant to be lived. You’re not a robot. Stop telling your kids to quit down when you get back home from work. I hear your excuse; you’re tired. Well, they’re enjoying life—if you want peace and quiet, go upstairs and come back down afterwards so that their passion rubs off on you.

Stop looking down on people who live life in their own way. The fact of the matter is that they are living.

What about you? I hope you can answer that with all of yourself, instead of half of it.

P.S. Before the next post is published, the book will have been completed.
photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography

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August 15, 2010

What’s Really Keeping You From Breaking Your Bad Habits

Breaking bad habits is tough, not only because habits control everything you do, but because they force you to think your bad habits are normal.

“That’s crazy talk!” you say. “I know my bad habits aren’t normal!”

If you inherently know they’re abnormal, then why do you keep doing them? Simple. It’s because we are what we do. And if we want to change who we are, we have to change what we do.

Sadly, for most people, that’s easier said than done. <—– This is exactly the problem!

Did you catch that? It’s easier said than done. When you make an attempt to change your habits, you feel more comfortable just saying you’re going to do it than actually doing it. Not good.

Talking isn’t action. Action is action. Even I sometimes forget that this is important to remember. Truth be told, I forgot today.

I kept telling myself, “I’m going to work on my book.” But then I ended up never working on it, pushing it aside until tomorrow. My body thinks this is normal now; to say things and never do them is second nature.

But now I have a secret weapon.

The key lies in action. If it was action that got you into these habits in the first place, action is what’s going to take you out. You need to counteract your bad actions with good ones.

Instead of telling people what you’re going to do, just do it. Rather than say to yourself what your intentions are, write them on paper. Start a 30-day journal chronicling your actions.

Make it your mission to rid your addiction.

Before you put off working on that one big project, ask yourself this:

Is the day over? You can’t even take one incy, wincy step forward?

You know what? Be right back. I have a book to write.

photo credit: John Althouse Cohen

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August 14, 2010

The One Thing You Must Do to Be Successful

This post begins a 1-week experiment post series that I’d like to call, “Short and Sweet”. This series will be based on giving concise, quality content to my readers in 300 words or less.

Don’t be who everyone expects you to be.

It took me too long to not only figure this out, but to actually “get it”. [It's similar to seeing the matrix for the first time. You've heard this knowledge everywhere before, but it takes a certain situation for everything to just 'click'.]

When people see me, they would probably think:

1. That’s a a muscular black guy.

2. He must be great at basketball or football.

What’s great about expectations is that when you can shatter them, you create impact. Remember that contrast is king. Not doing what everyone expects you to do and going on to do something amazing is incredibly powerful.

Here’s what people wouldn’t know just by looking at me:

1. I haven’t played basketball or football since the eighth grade.

2. I’m more passionate about inspiring others to do what they love than playing sports.

Everyone expects you to fail because, well, you’re you. You’re not supposed to be different, you’re skillset should be minimal. Your performance has to be sub-par. You’re supposed to blend in.

Good. That’s what you want them to think.

Those who can take advantage of these perception breaks are the ones who are the most successful and most happy. Similar expectations that have been broken in the past:

- You can’t make a living online.

- You can’t learn a language in 3 months.

- You can’t change anything by consuming less.

All were believed impossible. All were immediately shattered.

What expectations will you break?

photo credit: Balaji.B

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August 9, 2010

The Importance of Choosing the Right Incentives

The best way to stay motivated at work is to actually care about what you’re doing. Instead of doing the bare minimum, you’re putting in your best effort each time to get the results you want.

The incentive for most people when applying for a job is to survive. This reason alone is potent enough to force anyone to join the rat race and invest years of their lives into corporate ladder climberism.

A narrative to set the record straight

Let’s say you’ve just graduated college. After months of sending out resumes, you finally break into the working world. As a result of the hours you’ve put in, you’ve been getting periodic raises in pay. Over time, you get more than enough money to feed yourself and live comfortably, so the incentive to survive decreases.

In other words, you begin to care less about the risk to your survival.

Eventually you become much more well off than you were a few years back. Everyone around you praises you for your financial prowess. “You’ve come such a long way”, they’ll say. “When are you gonna start a family?”

Then, boom, another incentive. Originally, you took this job as means for survival. But you’ve forgotten that many years have passed since you’ve first achieved employment and you’re getting to that marrying age. surely they can survive on $70K a year, no? Of course, not! What about your children’s college education? No, you need more money. You need to work even harder to make enough money to pay tuition at all the top schools.

Traditional incentives are all around you now, placed in your lap by society. They say it is your duty. Your duty to get married. Your duty to procreate. Your duty to put your offspring through college.

It is your duty, lest you be ostracized by the better half of society.

Fearing this, you go off and do everything you’ve been told. A girl is married. Children are raised. Colleges are paid for. Years pass and these goals are slowly being achieved.

And then one day, the incentives stop. Your children are gone, having left to continue on the cycle. Your wife is with you, tired but happy to finally be free of the war that is raising kids. Your money is more abundant than ever, despite its heavy depletion due to college fees.

And you? Well, you’re the same.

You’re still the same person fresh out of college working towards an end. The same person searching for some sort of incentive to keep him going and stay alive. The young person who has inevitably become bored of life.

You’re soon going to become an old man or woman. You won’t be able get those decades back. But maybe now you can start looking for your passion before it’s too late.

The right incentives

From birth, we are given incentives. It’s in your best interest to cry and complain over and over until your mother gets you that toy you’ve always wanted. It’s in your best interest to go to college so you can get a high paying job and buy stuff. It’s in your best interest to get married and start a family, lest you end up dying alone.

These incentives have been thrust upon you throughout countless generations. This brainwashes us into thinking that this is the right way to live. In reality, though, there is no “right” way to live. There are no “wrong” incentives. There are simply incentives.

The incentives I amused you with in the narrative above, however, demonstrate how incentives that rise from the dregs of society, the ones that have no uniqueness or personal meaning, lead to, unsurprisingly, unfulfilled lives and big question marks.

Instead of going through the motions, it’s imperative that you ask yourself:

Why do I do what I do? To please myself or to please another?

You don’t need permission to live life your own way. You don’t have to get married. You don’t have to have kids. If do you decide to have kids, you don’t have to put them in soul-sucking institutions that only force them to memorize facts and formulas they aren’t interested in.

In truth, the only “right” incentives are the ones you choose for yourself. You decide what you want to achieve in life. Even if you do settle for a high paying job just so you can buy things, it should be your decision. On the other side of the spectrum, you shouldn’t be ashamed of taking a job that others view as less financially rewarding. If you’re doing something you enjoy, no one else’s opinion matters.

I say put off getting married. Have kids later. Save climbing the corporate ladder for when your creative juices stop flowing. Put the goals that aren’t yours into a box labeled “Things to Forget”.

While you’re young, use your energy to work towards something amazing. Something you care about. Something worth staying motivated in.

So the next time you find yourself looking for advice on how to stay motivated in whatever you do, look inside yourself, and ask why and if you really care.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

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August 5, 2010

You Make Your Own Opportunity

The opportunities that are in front of you are rarely obvious. While some have the subtlety of a ten-dollar bill lying in the middle of a sidewalk, most opportunities seem to be invisible. A lot of people go on and on about how you have to find the right opportunity and that once you find it, you have to be brave enough to take it. But how can you find something that you can’t even “see”?

Here’s where I think you’re going about this all wrong.

Most of you seem to think that opportunities are placed in our lives by mischievous little fairies who decide when it’s time for us to find the “perfect job” or stumble upon our “big break”. Chances are believed to be fated by some higher power or given to you by prophecy. In reality, this isn’t the case.

The reasoning behind opportunities is simple:

The best opportunities are created, not found.

Think about the way you live now. Was it by good fortune that you acquired a job? Was it luck that put the food in your stomach or the shirt on your back? I get the feeling that most of you would say yes, and, in some cases, I’d agree with you. Maybe you feel lucky to live the life you do. You could have been one of the millions of people put out of work and into the unemployment bin.

In truth, however, all you did was just send off your resume to hundreds of companies. You were employed and got paid, thereby making it easy for you to buy food. While some define this as “luck”, I know that the rest of us don’t feel the same. We never happen upon jobs. We know how to work and get employed. We know how to keep ourselves alive.

But we don’t want to merely be employed and survive. We want to enjoy a life doing what we love. Unfortunately, we feel that the opportunities we’ve been dealt bar us from living this way.

Your opportunity, your choice

The good news is that this is not the end. The opportunities you have given yourself in the past can be amended by the opportunities you create right now. But before you can do that, you must believe (without a doubt) that life isn’t about luck. It’s about the actions we take and the choices we make.

3 Steps to Making Your Own Opportunities

1. Do, do, do

Making an opportunity is pretty easy. The problem most people have though is that they’re unwilling to take action in order to create these opportunities.

If you second-guess yourself and decide forego action, 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up never taking it. No one is going to hold your hand and just give you what you want. Even if there is someone willing to push you, realize that he can only provide as much support as you are willing to actively do something with.

Action step: You have to go out there and be willing to make changes for yourself, by yourself.

2. Practice thoughtless action

How many times have you thought about something you really, really wanted to do? I bet you can’t count on only your two hands and feet, it’s so many. The problem with this method is that you spend all your time thinking about every single outcome and invest no energy in actually doing something. Take it from someone who used to over-analyze every single scenario before taking a leap of faith.

Action step: Throw out the misconception that you must think before you act, at least when it comes to achieving really big goals. Less thinking, more doing.

3. Stop trying to predict a fearful future

I’m guessing you’re still skeptical about the whole “taking thoughtless action” argument. Why? Why are you so skeptical? Is it imperative that you doubt what hasn’t happened yet on the grounds that thinking negatively is more realistic? No. Cancel that from your mind. Practice a little thoughtless action and stop trying to predict the future, let alone a negative one. What happens in real life is not always negative, and if it is, there’s usually a lesson in there somewhere. Dig deep and look for it.

Your future can be bright, but only if you have the guts to make it so.

Action step: Focus on the present and relinquish the idea that the future has to be negative.

Once you master these steps, no doubt opportunity will be within your power to make. Everything that has happened up to this point has been by your doing. You made the situation, no matter how good or how bad it is. True, there are some things that we can’t escape; this is life, remember that. But that doesn’t mean all things are inescapable, that everything happens by coincidence and chance.

If you want something to happen, go make it happen. When life gets you down, only you can pull yourself back up.

To have the belief that opportunity can be found in any situation is to be in complete control of where you want your life to go.

photo credit: Alex E. Proimos

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August 3, 2010

3 Ways to Eliminate the Fear of Reaching Your Potential

The first sign that you’re successfully breaking out of mediocracy is feeling unwarranted fear.

You’re more scared when you’re moving past the limits of what you believe is possible than when you’re taking action for the first time. The line that separates the mediocre from the brilliant, and the invisible from the “break-out superstar” is thin, but has the potential to be emotionally overwhelming once crossed.

When you’re in the process of crossing this threshold, you begin to doubt your abilities; how good you thought you were and how good you are right now.

Common questions that we ask ourselves tend to range anywhere from the following:

“Wow, I never thought I was that good…am I really this skilled?”

“Maybe I’ll be one those one-hit wonders… is it best to stop right now?”

“This seems too good to be true… is it just a trick?”

Many of us feel that we ask ourselves these questions because we’re on the verge of regressing back into the shadows of mediocracy. It’s that “it’s too good to be true” feeling that tries to push us back into our old ways of thinking. Fortunately, feeling this way is natural.

You don’t ask yourselves these questions because you’re on the road to becoming mediocre again, but because you’re about to rise above it. True, feeling undeserving of the positive results you’re getting is normal (similar to the way after riding his bike for the first time, a child will still want his parent to go behind him to make sure he doesn’t fall). However, just because a feeling is natural doesn’t mean we should give into it.

Eliminating the fear of reaching your potential

Everyone starts out a little frightened when they realize how much power they actually have. But keeping yourself in this state of mind can be detrimental to you ever doing your best. Thankfully, you’ll have me here to guide you through 3 ways to stop fearing your potential and embracing your self-confidence.

1. Realize that the limits are in your head

Maybe doing your best has given you such astonishing results that you think you’re incapable of doing any better. A likely assumption—except that the only way that statement could be true is if you stop practicing what you’re good at. And unless you’re completely demoralized, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Get the notion out of your head that after you’ve done your absolute best, you recede back into the pool of average. If you give it your best effort each time, you’ll rarely ever “lose” ability. You have much higher planes of skill to attain; don’t let imaginary limits hinder your growth.

Your best yesterday is not going to be your best tomorrow.

2. Don’t expect yourself to keep being awesome

After doing something amazing, you begin to think everyone expecting you to keep the streak going. While you should always aim to give it your best effort, understand that you’re only human. You win some, you lose some. While you may be awesome one day, don’t place unnecessary obligations on yourself to keep performing at your peak. It’s not healthy.

There are times that I spend the whole day trying to push myself to the absolute pinnacle of excellence, just because I feel that I have to give it everything I’ve got, all the time. I’ve learned my lesson—and eliminated pointless stress in the process.

Produce when you can, rest when you can’t.

3. Trying to use what you don’t have is wasteful

Which brings us to my final piece of advice; don’t try to extract from what doesn’t exist. If you don’t have any energy to run or lift weights when you’re trying to get faster or stronger, don’t expect to perform your best. Running on empty only makes certain your already high chance of failure.

I spent the entire day trying to write—to no avail—when my time would’ve been better spent simply reading or doing something else I enjoy. Talk about a wasted effort. That’s why I say use what you already have in reserve so that you know you can do better.

The fear only comes when you know you can’t take action at the moment of truth and you expect yourself to do more. Listen to your head and not your heart. Know when to stop.

What I find kind of find comical is that all three of these methods to eliminate fear conflict in some way. If the limits are in your head, shouldn’t you be able to keep going even if you don’t have the energy? And shouldn’t you have high expectations for yourself when you can keep doing more?

The key to answering these questions rests on you. You know yourself better than I do. I can teach you the best way to eliminate the fear of reaching your potential, but it’s up to you to trust yourself to achieve the right balance between knowing your limits and breaking out of them.

photo credit: ValetheKid

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July 26, 2010

16 First Steps to Creating the Life You Want From Some of the World’s Best Bloggers

Editor’s note: More bloggers have joined the fray. Over 16 amazing first steps! Get ready.

I know I’m not alone when I say that upon hearing successful people say, “Do what you love and the money will follow,” the cliche alert goes off in my head. There’s no question we’ve all thought about taking a leap of faith across the chasm of impossibility to see if those timeless words were true. Who hasn’t daydreamed of a life constantly filled to the brim with joy, where work feels like play and the sinking feeling you get right before Monday morning never comes? Unfortunately, most of us have also never tried to take that leap of faith.

Is it the crippling hesitation that corrupts our “go anywhere, do anything” mindset or is it just our feelings of self doubt that stifle us? While these are both true to a lesser extent, they are secondary to a much bigger problem; the problem of not knowing what to do first.

Most people don’t know where to start when they try create a life their own. From this lack of direction, comes doubt. And from this doubt, hesitation. As a result, our hesitation leads to inaction—this is where we get stuck.

To begin doing what we love, and making a living while we do it, we have to have a direction. There needs to be a first step in place before we can move on. This first step will be the most important one that you ever take.

Understanding that this step requires more than just my own assessment, I contacted some of the most successful bloggers in the world to share what they know. From all walks of life, regular people like you and me, they’ve gone through their own journeys in order to live lives their own.

So I asked each of them to answer one simple question:

“What is the first step you should take when trying to make a living doing what you love?”

These are their answers.

Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth

“Create an inspiration council. Who do you know – famous, dead, alive, near to you – that’s rocking their vocation? Pretend those liberated heroes are your personal advisory board and imagine what they’d tell you to do every step of the way. Only take their advice (albeit imaginary) when it makes you feel expanded and tenacious.”

Everett Bogue of Far Beyond the Stars

“Reduce your overhead. When you’re trying to strike out on your own, it’s easy to forget that you won’t be making as much as you did at your day job. If you keep spending like you did before you left, you’re liable to fail quicker by running out of money. If you only need $3,000 to last three months you’re a lot more likely to succeed than if you need $17,000 to last three months. Low overhead allows you take bigger risks and increase your chances of success.”

Charlie Gilkey of Productive Flourishing

“The biggest challenge with making the first step in getting paid to do what you love is finding that intersection between what you love and what people will pay you to do in the first place. If you focus too much on what you love and disregard what people will pay you to do, then you won’t be able to put food on the table. If you focus too much on what people will pay you to do, then you’ll make money but you’ll be no happier for doing it.

My recommendation is to find something you enjoy that people are already getting value from and see what you can do to make that solution, service, or product available to more people. And remember: one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.”

Tammy Strobel of Rowdy Kittens

“It comes down to believing in yourself and pushing past fear. If you believe you can do something, passion and focus will follow. I think fear gets the best of so many people. We listen to the lizard brain instead of growing and embracing new opportunities.”

Jonathan Fields of Awake at the Wheel

“First, figure out the activities, people, culture, settings and missions that make you come alive, without reference to whether they can generate money by conventional means. Then, if there’s a conventional path to monetization explore that. If not, look to find gaps in information, community, service, product, mode of delivery and more that can be exploited to create commercial opportunities in a less conventional way.”

Chris Guillebeau of the Art of Non-Conformity

“The first step is to get clear about what you can offer the world. Everyone has something to give, yes — but the trick is to figure out what your unique contribution is, and how that translates into a marketable skill. If you spend time on that at first, the next steps will be much easier.”

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits

“Assuming you’ve already figured out what you love, the first thing you should do is … do what you love. Do it for free, in your spare time, and have a blast doing it. Connect with others interested in the same thing, feed off their energy. Eventually you’ll be able to make a living doing it, but for now, just do it.”

Steven Aitchison of Change Your Thoughts

“When making the decision to do what I love I had to ask a tough question: Do I go for the money or do I go for what I really want to do in life and be proud of my work? I went for the latter and took a 30% pay cut to do something that I love doing and that’s coaching clients who have addiction issues. That work also transfers very well into the web and I love coaching clients from around the world. What better way of making a living could you ask for? Going for the money is great but if you go for the happiness instead you’ll reap the rewards in heart and also financially. I’ve found that people are attracted to others who love what they do, no matter what field you are in, so you will open up a lot more doors doing what you love and you’ll find a lot more closed doors when you go for the money.”

Dragos Roua of Brilliantly Better

“Short version: Break up with the past.

Long version: Break up with things that are holding you back. It may be your job, your current relationship, or it may be just a belief you don’t know you have it. You gotta let this go.

If you want to make a living doing what you love, it means at the current moment you’re not doing what you love. So, you gotta break up first with what you’re doing now. Make room for what you love.

It’s much easier than you think, once you summon the courage to actually lose something in the process: namely, the old you. It’s in the human nature to associate lost of something with regrets (by the way, I try to break up with human nature in this regard, regrets are a waste of time for me). But even if you will regret some things at the beginning, things will eventually unfold in the right direction.

And the new you will be much more fun.”

Scott H. Young of Scott H Young.com

“My first step: Get out there and do something. Look for a first client, create a first product, put your skills into the market. Too many people waste years of life guessing what the world needs instead of having the humility to ask.”

Colin Wright of Exile Lifestyle

“The first step is figuring out WHAT you love. It’s amazing how many people pursue the dream they’re handed by society, when in reality that dream isn’t a good fit for them personally. Identify what you love, figure out what the first step is to get there, and take it. Right now.”

Glen Allsopp of ViperChill

“Sign a contract with yourself that states you will not stop going until you’ve achieved some level of success. Also agree that you won’t chop and change between projects until you’ve achieved something with the first. I lost years because I was always testing things others told me worked rather than sticking to one thing and finding out for myself.”

Shrinivas Rao of Skool of Life, BlogcastFM

“Find what you absolutely love to do. It has to be the thing that gets you up in the morning and looking forward to every single day. For me, that’s riding waves. Build the business around that.”

Luciano Passuello of Litemind

“Provided that you already know which passion to pursue (not a trivial thing), a good first step is to get in touch with people who already “made it” — those that are already living the reality you want for yourself. If they’re really passionate about they do, they’ll not only be glad to help, but will also show you reality as it is (with the *real* challenges and rewards, not what our brains usually fantasize about it).”

Pat Flynn of Smart Passive Income

“The first step is to create goals for yourself. Not just one ultimate goal, but smaller, tangible goals that will help you reach that final goal of doing what you love to do. Don’t be afraid of deadlines, dates and numbers to help you take action and get to where you want to go.”

Tim Brownson of A Daring Adventure

“The most important first step in my opinion comes just before that. It is to truly know at your deepest level that it is what you love to do and not what other people such as you parents love you to do or what you think you should love to do. If you had $10m in the bank and no need of money whatsoever, would you still do whatever it is every day? If not, then how much do you really love it?”

Celestine Chua of the Personal Excellence Blog

“I’d make sure money is not an issue first, then pursue what I love. When pursuing your passion, there will undoubtedly be an initial phase where you’re picking skills, figuring things out, and that’s when money will be slow. If you have money concerns hanging at the back of your mind, that will affect your dedication to your work, which is not what you want.

When I quit my job in Sep ’08, I was financially good to last for another year. Hence, I didn’t need to worry about money at all (in the beginning) and could get down to dedicating myself fully to my work, without having to worry about whether it’d generate money. In the end, it turned out that I started generating income in the 4th month, and from there it evolved into a sustainable full-time career. I’ve never look back since. Today it’s been almost 2 years, and I’m earning more than my pay back in my corporate job.”

Corbett Barr of Free Pursuits, Think Traffic

“The first step I would take would be to get away. Get away from your job, your town, your friends and anything else that influences how you think about the world. Get away and really listen to yourself. Contemplate if what you “love to do” is really where your passion lies, and if it is really something you want to earn a living from. By unplugging from your normal life for a day or a week or even months (that’s what I did), you’ll be able to listen to yourself in ways that your “normal life” stifles.”

Matt Cheuvront of Life Without Pants

“The first thing I always tell ‘wannabe’ entrepreneurs is that you MUST first figure out what you NEED – not what you want, but what you need. We inherently tell ourselves that we need more than we actually need – needs and wants get intertwined, and when they do, it can seem overwhelming and impossible to survive on your own. But, when you figure out what you need, you’ll most likely come to find you CAN survive and get by with a lot less than you believed. Figure out what you need, then go get what you want.”

Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist

“Discover your strengths and play into them. Do you love to write, speak, create, teach, plan, network, invent, problem-solve, build, or think? Find your greatest strength and build your lifestyle around it.”

Derek Sivers of Sivers.org

“Much of success is luck. What the public loves will usually be a
surprise. So do many things, giving each one 100%, but if the public
just isn’t excited about it, walk away and do something completely
different. Knowing this in advance, your first step should be to just
do anything useful to others, realizing it’s just the first of your
many endeavors and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.”

Erin Dolland of Unclutterer

In my opinion, there are only two kinds of jobs that you can love:
1. A career that you are devoted to with a deep passion, surrounded by great colleagues who support and believe in a similar vision, and that is an integral part and reflection of who you are, and
2. A job that has regular hours, no demands on your time beyond your scheduled work day, generates enough income for a comfortable lifestyle, great colleagues, and a positive corporate culture.
To get both, the first step you need to take is to clear the distractions that get in the way of making it happen. There are no shortcuts — put in the time and energy to get rid of the clutter. Once the clutter is gone, you can focus all of your attention on making your dream job a reality.

Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind

“The first step is knowing what you want. The second is then doing shit. Or taking lots and lots of action. Don’t wait to implement until you have the perfect plan, don’t wait for the right resources to show up, or the right timing, or situation. Act now, and then keep acting. Make your business plan “Do Stuff” and that’s it. It will get you much farther than most.”

Adam Baker of ManVsDebt

“I’d eliminate barriers. We had so many barriers preventing us from living intentionally and doing what we loved. Sell your crap. Pay off your debt. Both of these create tremendous added burden. Once you start to see what’s possible, immediately look to how you can provide the most DIRECT value to people in the shortest amount of time. Do that. Do it immediately.”

These are their first steps. Have the courage to take them.

What steps have you taken to live the life you want? Share your thoughts below.
photo credit: notsogoodphotography

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July 22, 2010

A Test of Controlling Your Emotions

Awhile back I wrote about how to stop being reactive. For this blog post, I’d like to expand on that idea a little bit more.

Emotions are extremely difficult to control. The reason for this is that they’ve been driving our actions since we were born. If we felt like having ice cream, we’d ask for it, or if we were in the mood for a new shirt, we’d go buy it.

If I didn’t feel like writing today, I probably wouldn’t have written this blog post. This alone is more than enough proof.

The way I see it, most of us are slaves to our emotions. Now that’s not a bad thing. By all means, if it feels good to give way to your feelings, feel free to do so. As you can tell, we’ve been doing that for a while.

Unfortunately, we’ve been so accustomed to letting our emotions run free that we forget to place restrictions on them. For instance, sometimes people will intentionally bait you into getting angry just so they can see you lose control. This is similar in the way that we incite others to laughter by doing something comical or telling a funny joke.

Either way, this ends up making us do things we never intended, saying hurtful things we don’t mean or getting riled up over issues that don’t really matter. When that happens, it’s really just an effect of acting on our emotions with abandon for so long.

It is for this reason that a very small number of people can effectively control their emotions. Public speakers and lawyers are just some of those that have to be able to master this technique — the high-stress situations they work under call for it. For regular people like us, however, we don’t have on-the-job training to force us to command our feelings so easily.

But that’s why you have me.

See every opportunity for an outburst as a test

Over time, I’ve come to realize that we have a choice in the way we go about our actions. That’s why these days I view opportunities to lose my temper as tests. When someone tries to bait me into getting a certain response, I just imagine a mental scorecard in my head presenting me with two options, yes or no.

Yes as in “Yes, I’ll lose my temper this time”, or no as in “Not going to overreact this time”.

This is just what I do, but the main thing I want you to take away from this is that we always have a choice in whether to unleash fury on someone else or keep ourselves in check. It just takes practice to be able to do this every situation — no matter how emotionally taxing.

Think happy thoughts (seriously it works)

Though our feelings do have considerable power over us, it’s not impossible to suppress them. Some people may choose to say comforting phrases over and over or some might resort to purchasing a cheap stress ball, but what I find works for me is just thinking happy thoughts.

Are you in a heated argument? Practice the power of conjuring up amusing memories and kiss your temper good-bye. Taking yourself out of a stressful situation and into a calming one does wonders for ones self-control.

Now this technique is also very tricky (like I’ve said, it’s not easy). I recommend just stopping yourself for a minute and looking at the situation from an impartial point of view. Then all that’s left to do is think about how funny it’ll be when you’re 3 days into the future. You’ll have lost interest by then. Funny, right?

Well, when you’re in the moment it won’t always be. Sometimes you’ll just be seething with anger, ready to throw a punch if anyone gets even an inch within pushing your buttons. And yes, it happens. People will push your buttons and expect you to react accordingly.

But that’s the beauty of being human. We don’t have to react the same way to the same situations. Upon repeated exposure, we automatically build up resistance. Once we get used to these situations (in which people keep pushing the same buttons) we end up not caring.

I still recommend mastering the art of self-control. It’s a skill not many can learn — it’s easy to get used to things, but it’s much harder to change yourself.
photo credit: Victor Bezrukov

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July 19, 2010

Be More Than the Average Person

The ones who do more than the average get extremely good results.

The man who works hard every single day gets the most compensation for his efforts, while the guy who works strictly on weekdays receives his standard pay.

The girl who dances without limits, who tries her very hardest, and instills passion in every twirl, jump, and hip movement will become a master of the dancing arts yet, while the competition practices at set times throughout the week, never straying from their schedules.

In our society, there are only people who do the standard affair and people who do much more than is necessary.

Generally, people aren’t comfortable being or doing more than they are. They will do as much as they can to keep from looking awkward, or weird, or self conscious. In the process, they end up looking like all of these things anyway.

Very few people are bold enough to be themselves. Those who are will do as they please, whistle as they walk, and throw paint on the bland and the dull to make it into art just because they feel like it.

As a result, these people are looked down upon. And it’s right that they should be, correct? I mean, how can they act so out of the ordinary and expect to be treated like everyone else?

And that’s just it. They don’t.

To be treated like everyone else is to be treated like jut another person. Just another worker bee. Another cog in society going where everybody else goes. This is why the bold decide to be different.

Because when at first they are ostracized, in time someone will say:

“Whatever you’re doing… that’s neat!”

And then another one will say that and then another. And another. And then, like magic, a movement is born and the one who is bold becomes the leader put in the front of it.

Why do you think the ones going against the norms are singled out? Why do you think they have an easier (or should I say, more fun) time getting to where they want to be?

Why do you think the ones who are different get extremely good results?

Because it makes them indispensable.

The world has enough people running around who are exact clones of one another. Those who have the guts to stand out and be different already realize this. And, inherently, the rest of us know it as well.

No one is born restricted

As children we are free to deem the world our oyster. But over time, we are given rules (through parental guidance or school training) that force us to obey. We are given orders to sit still and pay attention. Be quiet and draw within the lines.

Use the right colors for the right picture.

So as these rules are applied to the actions we do and to the way we live our lives everyday. Eventually it becomes a habit. And in the end, it becomes who we are.

But the few that break through this programming are the “glitches”. The individuals with a spirit that standardizing rules and behavior-management laws can’t control. These people are more than the average person.

How to be more

You too can be more than the average person. You don’t have to be another worker destined for corporate ladder climbership. You can create your own separate identity… an identity far more valuable than you ever imagined.

This is what you have to do.

1. Encourage breaks in perspective

Your perspective is your reality. When you see something happen that you never thought was ever possible, this is called a break in perspective. Find as many of these as you can. If you think you can’t do something because it seems way too out of the ordinary, assume you’re probably wrong. I would’ve never guessed that a mere child (Justin Bieber) would be the focus of the most popular video on a social networking site — and he’s not even that great of a singer. But what makes him stand out is that he’s different: he’s a child with a half-way decent voice discovered by Usher.

Look for the weird feats, believe in bold accomplishments, and aspire one in a million chances. You just might be able to pull one off.

2. Read the biographies of the indispensable

Do you think that you’re the only one pushing to be unique in a world of conformity? Countless others just like you are struggling to make the world their own. And through these struggles come amazing feats — the impact of which you should be taking advantage of.

With the “safety” of a consistent paycheck calling to you, it can be difficult to choose a path less beaten and control your own life. Fortunately, there are individuals who have already attained what you seek – a life that’s better than average – and you can use their accomplishments to fuel your desire.

3. Act with your own incentives

Average people have the typical incentives – marry so they can have kids, have kids because it seems like the next step, get a job so they can make money. Incentives that are taken up for little personal reason aren’t worth shooting for. Aim for incentives that are all your own and greatly improve your enjoyment of life.

Do you think the artist paints because art sells? No, he paints because he loves to do it. The extraordinary dancer dances because it’s her passion. From embracing what you enjoy, you gain personal fulfillment and acceptance.

So don’t be one who goes with the flow. Get a job that you love. Live a life that you’ll love. Take on challenges that inspire you to have them bested.

Act with your own incentive.

4. Infuse quality with time

There is no such thing as “closing time” on a mind motivated above the average. Even more so, there is also no such thing as working 9 -5 or any sort of set time line. If the work you get enjoyment from requires you to do a project that will take most of the day to complete, you wouldn’t complain. Because it’s your work.

You can never work too much or toil too little, as long as every minute is dedicated to quality. Long ago, time was perceived to be valuable. Farmers took great care in making the most delicious crops around. Owners took great pains to see their customers smile.

Now, we are in a time where quality is sacrificed for the sake of speed and efficiency. Just getting a product out matters more than creating quality. The average person values time over quality. The above average person values both.

The average person wastes time doing needless tasks. The above average person invests time in quality, understanding that value takes time to make.

You don’t have to be average

This took me a while to realize, being swamped underneath the delusion of “saving time” and “making deadlines”. While these things are vital tools in motivating you to do great work, never sacrifice yourself or your uniqueness just to get by and get things done. Chances are you’ve been “just getting by” your entire life. Doing just enough to pass on to the next stage.

Forget the next stage and forget about passing on. I used to always tell myself, “I can’t wait until this tedious period in my life is over, then I can do what I want”. Foolish words I know them now to be. If you can’t control your life now, then you’ll never be able to. This is something the average person already knows, but refuses to accept.

Until the day they die, they will live under the heel of someone else’s paycheck, most likely that of their boss. And when their social security checks come in, whether they’re currently working or not at the ripe, old, go-crazy-with-your-money age of 65, then they will know:

To live as average is to live a life controlled by others. You have to be more to be free.

photo credit: Llima

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